Did I do the right thing?

[fusangite]

For me, a lot of this is hinging on the fact that Ken does not appear to have warned his ex that he was going to report her to the police. He said: stop or I'll break up with you. But he never said: stop or I'll report you to the police. Now maybe he thinks that losing his lovin' is worse than going to jail but I think this one of the clearest markers that this is a revenge thing.

 

[Turjan]

Just so we're clear -

I totally agree with Ken, and would have done the same thing, were I in his situation. INCLUDING reporting her to the police as a potential danger.

Okay, then our opinion about what a relationship involves obviously differ .

I think the group here is so incredulous that drug and alcohol use and abuse can be a big deal that any attempt to treat it as a *problem* and not just *the man trying to keep us down* that any attempt of Ken's to involve authority is interpreted as a betrayal of well - everything.

Well, my point was that the first authority I'd try to involve would be my own. I don't think that my SO could have succeeded with avoiding my attempts to talk with her. And the other way round. Yes, it takes effort.

I think Ken acted reasonably. As with all things, YMMV.

It obviously does . You should keep in mind, though, that I'm not defending his girlfriend, but try to give my opinion about what I see as the best for himself. He has to look into his self and answer his own probing questions.

 

[Mallus]

I think the group here is so incredulous that drug and alcohol use and abuse can be a big deal that any attempt to treat it as a *problem* and not just *the man trying to keep us down* that any attempt of Ken's to involve authority is interpreted as a betrayal of well - everything.

See, from Ken's own words, this comes off like a control issue. In his posts he makes it explicitly clear that, in his opinion, she wasn't seriously impaired when driving. We know that he drove with her on multiple occassions while she engaged in these activites. Was KenM perhaps suicidal? He defends his position by stating her age, and pointing out that open containers of alcohol are technically illegal in Mass, neither of which have anything to do with public safety. I don't get the sense that he honestly felt she was a danger.

Which makes what he did an act of revenge.

It doesn't make the womans choice to comsume intoxicants any smarter, either. I just think Ken should to come clean about his motivation, and not hide behind a scrim of 'concerned citizenship'.

(Hypothetically, would you advocate involving the police if the woman was say, a habitual speeder, who frequently drove 20+ MPH above the posted speed limit? Thats dangerous behavior as well. What if the woman was myopic and chose to drive without corrective lenses? Is it off to the cop shop then?)

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I cannot honestly believe there are people defending driving while imbibing impairing substances on this thread!

...attempts to disbelieve, rolls a 19, adds 53 from Will Save bonus, succeeds...

So, what were we actually talking about?

I can't believe it either.... that they're actually defending an illegal activity! That's just sooo wrong, IMO! I wonder if these same people would feel the same way if this girl hurt or killed a family member of their's.....

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Ok, while not endagering anyone per se, When she lit up the joint or opened the bottle while driving with me in the car, I asked her to wait until we got to the place we were going. She said she could not wait, every time, even though she knew i was uncomfortable with her doing it while driving with me there.
Also when we first met, I told her about my past and how I have a bad view of drug users and if she did drugs, it would not work. But she choose to totally ignore my feelings one day and just start doing it. I think she was hiding it from me. She started to do it in front of me even though she knew I would reject her, up until the point I saw her using, everything was great, but she knew it would change things and did not care. Like I said before, if she was just doing it in private, ect, I would not have called police, but doing it while driving is endagering people, thats why.
Also, how come the only people that say "pot is harmless, it does not make you do anything bad." Are the people that use it?

Which goes to show she doesn't give a rat's ass about you or your feelings on either her or drug use. And I agree that it would endanger not only you but innocent people, just like if she'd downed a whole bottle of Captain Morgan's and then drove. Not to mention that if she got pulled over, you'd be in about as much deep poodoo as she would be. I'd say it's time for her to leave and don't let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. She doesn't care what you think, just about her next "hit".

 

[Turjan]

I can't believe it either.... that they're actually defending an illegal activity! That's just sooo wrong, IMO! I wonder if these same people would feel the same way if this girl hurt or killed a family member of their's.....

Well, even these things are relative. In my hometown, it's not illegal to drive with an open can of beer. If you're below 0.8 ‰, you're fine. I suppose it's time to come down from that moral high horse . And I don't think that the can of beer or the joint are the central question here. It's more about how to deal with problems in a relationship.

You can ask those parents in the town where I live now, how they feel nowadays about their decision to call the police when they had some trouble with their 16 years old son. The police shot him. Now they try to sue the police. I don't want to be in their situation.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Well, even these things are relative. In my hometown, it's not illegal to drive with an open can of beer. If you're below 0.8 ‰, you're fine. I suppose it's time to come down from that moral high horse . And I don't think that the can of beer or the joint are the central question here. It's more about how to deal with problems in a relationship.

Seems like SOMEONE needs to have a "moral high horse" as opposed to approving illegal activities. And alot of places will get you for an open container of alcohol. And it's the drugs/alcohol problems that are the CENTER POINT to this argument and why Ken had to do what he did. I can understand the breaking up part, but I wouldn't go to the extreme of calling the cops on her.... that's just a bit far. And seemingly a bent upon revenge sorta thing.

 

[KenM]

She did it with me 3 times. The first time I was surpised, then she said she "had to have it", the next two times I said we need to talk about it later, but she kept blowing me off about it. So I knew she had a problem, I was willing to let a couple of times go, but she told me she does it all the time. So I am guilty of not acting sooner. Should I have warned her that I called the police? Does a impared driver warn the police before they get behind the wheel?
My mom is a recoving crack addict, she used to shake me down for money for her hits, that is why i have such a negitive view of drug users, please no one say "pot is not the same as crack." in my eyes, it is, and thats what matters here. Heidi was the first close friend I had that did drugs, so I had a strong reaction. She also said she used to smoke pot, but never wanted to anymore. Now thinking back on it, she decevied me thinking she did not want to do that anymore. Buy like I said before, if she was just doing it in private and not driving, I would not have called the police, but when you are driving like that, you are a danger, IMO.

 

[Turjan]

Seems like SOMEONE needs to have a "moral high horse" as opposed to approving illegal activities. And alot of places will get you for an open container of alcohol. And it's the drugs/alcohol problems that are the CENTER POINT to this argument and why Ken had to do what he did. I can understand the breaking up part, but I wouldn't go to the extreme of calling the cops on her.... that's just a bit far. And seemingly a bent upon revenge sorta thing.

Well, as I said, even laws are relative. They differ from place to place. And I don't think the drugs/alcohol problems are the center point, but the question, how to deal with them in a relationship. I'm not up for easy answers here.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

You're just like another poster on this board who had a drug addict parent. I didn't have a parent who did drugs but mom used to smoke and I had a negative view on smoking as a result of that. It's not a bad thing to have, that negative attitude. It'll keep ya from being even tempted in the future. And hearing all along that "drugs are bad" (that teacher dude from South Park) makes it even moreso that I don't want to get involved.

The girl needs help from somewhere. Maybe, since you dumped her, she might get help.... who knows.... ::shrug:: But she sure needs it before she does something that she'll *really* regret later on.