D&D General DM with too High Expectations - Advice?

[Charlaquin]

DM - hey what do you guys think about getting serious and doing some homework and streaming.

Players - we aren’t interested

DM - that’s too bad. I’m burnt out on less serious D&D games. I wouldn’t even want to play in one. How about we play UNO or Clue?

...is this actually any better?

Yes, because it leaves room for the rest of the group to negotiate. Maybe they are open to the idea of turning D&D night into board game night, but would rather play something with more substance than Uno or Clue. Maybe someone else wants to DM, and since the previous DM is burnt out, allowing that would give him a chance to take a break. Maybe they decide to try a different RPG to see if that helps alleviate the burnout. Or maybe they discuss a lot of these options and end up finding that none of them are agreeable to all parties - that’s a perfectly reasonable possibility. But the point is, having the discussion makes it infinitely more likely to find a mutually agreeable solution than simply declaring that “It Shall be Mine Way or Else the Highway!”

 

[FrogReaver]

Yes, because it leaves room for the rest of the group to negotiate. Maybe they are open to the idea of turning D&D night into board game night, but would rather play something with more substance than Uno or Clue. Maybe someone else wants to DM, and since the previous DM is burnt out, allowing that would give him a chance to take a break. Maybe they decide to try a different RPG to see if that helps alleviate the burnout. Or maybe they discuss a lot of these options and end up finding that none of them are agreeable to all parties - that’s a perfectly reasonable possibility. But the point is, having the discussion makes it infinitely more likely to find a mutually agreeable solution than simply declaring that “It Shall be Mine Way or Else the Highway!”

He didn’t keep people from speaking up. They chose not to.

 

[prabe]

He didn’t keep people from speaking up. They chose not to.

It sounds from the OP (and the OP's subsequent posts) as though people weren't speaking up because they didn't feel they could, or they didn't want to be the ones to be disruptive, or things on those lines. I don't think I'd read "they all didn't speak up" as "they all were perfectly OK with how things were and were going."

 

[Campbell]

DM - hey what do you guys think about getting serious and doing some homework and streaming.

Players - we aren’t interested

DM - that’s too bad. I’m burnt out on less serious D&D games. I wouldn’t even want to play in one. How about we play UNO or Clue?

...is this actually any better?

For me personally it's roughly 1000x better because it shows a lot more respect for everyone else's time and effort.

 

[Retreater]

It sounds from the OP (and the OP's subsequent posts) as though people weren't speaking up because they didn't feel they could, or they didn't want to be the ones to be disruptive, or things on those lines. I don't think I'd read "they all didn't speak up" as "they all were perfectly OK with how things were and were going."

Or in the case of the half of the group who did speak up, their comments were edited out of the video when it was presented to the rest of the group. And any time my wife tried to bring up a different point in the message chain, the DM would say "we'll talk about this later" or talk over her during their actual meeting.

 

[Oofta]

DM - hey what do you guys think about getting serious and doing some homework and streaming.

Players - we aren’t interested

DM - that’s too bad. I’m burnt out on less serious D&D games. I wouldn’t even want to play in one. How about we play UNO or Clue?

...is this actually any better?

Except it was more like:

DM - hey, guys we're going to be doing a more serious game and here's homework I expect you to do so I can become a professional DM​

​

Players - huh? Can't we talk about this?​

​

DM - shut up, I'm not listening.​

​

Players - We're not interested​

​

DM - okay then I unilaterally decide that none of you losers can play D&D and we're going to play UNO instead.​

If the DM had approached the group with his ideas instead of putting out an ultimatum the result may have been the same, some people would not have been interested. That's perfectly fine, if the DM has goals and wants to run a different style of game for whatever reason it's their choice just like the players have the choice to stay or go.

What they don't have the right to do is dictate how everyone is going to spend their free time. Maybe people want to play UNO, maybe they want to give one of the other players a shot at DMing at which point people have to individually decide what they want to do.

That, and the tone is just generally rude from everything relayed.

 

[prabe]

Or in the case of the half of the group who did speak up, their comments were edited out of the video when it was presented to the rest of the group. And any time my wife tried to bring up a different point in the message chain, the DM would say "we'll talk about this later" or talk over her during their actual meeting.

So not only ignoring them, but actually actively silencing them (in this context) when they did speak up. That's distinctly uncool.

 

[Scribe]

Given the information here, it's clear the DM had no interest in anything but their desired outcome.

The group needs to walk. I've seen enough folks who are like this to know a toxic element in group dynamics.

 

[Mecheon]

Or in the case of the half of the group who did speak up, their comments were edited out of the video when it was presented to the rest of the group. And any time my wife tried to bring up a different point in the message chain, the DM would say "we'll talk about this later" or talk over her during their actual meeting.

Throw that DM into the pit.

Even if he gets a group together who wants to buy into his scheme, doing stuff like that is gonna end poorly.

(speaking of buying into stream scheme if anyone is actually interested in experiencing the horror of first time DM trying to stream a game, hit me up)

 

[Thomas Shey]

It sounds from the OP (and the OP's subsequent posts) as though people weren't speaking up because they didn't feel they could, or they didn't want to be the ones to be disruptive, or things on those lines. I don't think I'd read "they all didn't speak up" as "they all were perfectly OK with how things were and were going."

Yeah, its not like the world isn't full of players who've been taught that any sort of push back on a GM's choices makes them "bad players".