Match 5 Round 1 -- Hellefire vs Trench
Herremann the Wise
I have to say right from the outset, I don’t like having to judge two entries that I really liked and enjoyed. It means you have to go looking for things you don’t like, comparing one entry specifically against another and generally being all too nit-picky. That damn scythe used to get herself all juiced up over such judgments but bereft from her capricious opinions and influence, I’ll have to really dig deep to decide upon a winner for this round.
Trench has given us a well wrought and thought cautionary tale while Hellefire has delivered a solidly structured and engaging story. In this respect, whilst I enjoyed Hellefire’s twist, I thought Trench delivered the deeper message more successfully – a difficult thing to do in this format. However, you cannot help but admire Hellefire’s patience and planning. I really appreciated how his story unfolded, with a well written tempo, seemingly untouched by the pressures of a three day deadline. There was much to admire here from both competitors so in general terms, I cannot split between them on such a general basis.
In terms of writing, I found Trench’s style slightly more developed than Hellefire’s. There was immediacy to the description that I enjoyed although in truth, and on a first reading, I found the myriad of “nostalgia” references difficult to assimilate. Dylan, Bowie, Giger, anime and “sexyback” traverse almost half a century. This overabundance of potent references made it slightly difficult for me to find my groove with the story the first time around. I was a little uncertain where I was and even when. After further readings (and Trench’s story is most certainly rewarded by further readings), the distraction lessens and the true message of nature versus humanity is firmly delivered. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that while these references are colourful, it helps to have a theme and stick to it, particularly when you are trying to sell an underlying message. [The use of sexyback while utterly strange was inspired!]
Hellefire’s style while somewhat simplified in comparison benefits overall due to its accessibility.
The key characters are well developed for a short story. Hellefire has taken the time to colour in the elements he sketches and this assists greatly in keeping the reader non-distracted and exactly where he wants the reader to be. In all honesty, I picked the twist early, which initially made me think that the style was too direct. On further thought, the direct style is an asset. What perhaps was needed was a better red herring, equally well developed and “telegraphed” as Konrad’s possible fall to darkness. The struggle between whether the grey wizard would turn to the white or black was a little too one-sided. Erin’s confidence in her brother’s status was not enough to balance out the two sides. As such the twist didn’t scream “gotcha” quite as loudly as it could have. Still, as I said before, this is being particularly nit-picky. I have to say I enjoyed this piece thoroughly never-the-less.
And so, I am still left undecided how to award this match. I suppose I’ll have to rely on good ol’ faithful: picture use to sort out the contestants.
The first image of a young woman’s face in absolute horror was an easy image to hang one’s story on. Trench allows us to see further into a strange world, where the mystical and the magical can happen. Ophelia’s awakening in seeing the eyes allows her in this moment to see into a new world, which she had seemingly denied as fancy or make believe. In terms of story development this was very neatly placed. Hellefire has gone one better though. With the story’s twist fully revealed, this image provides the very moment of Erin’s absolute horror, punctuating the story’s closing effectively. As such, the chocolates are so far heading in Hellefire’s direction.
The second image is perhaps one of the finest images laid down for CDM/ESSS. There are so many abstract themes that one could pick up on with this picture and both our competitors have grabbed it with both hands. Hellefire’s on this occasion is perhaps the most direct interpretation with the open book, the maze, the henge and the overall sense of discovery. This solid literal use scores highly. However, Trench has used the window and maze most ingeniously. The connection between ones repeating dream, as one delves further and further into it, and the maze is sublime. The eventual message of the druids and the henge IS what the story is all about. As such, I have to say that Trench wins out with this image (but only just).
And then third, I come to the final image (and my last attempt to try and split our writers). The depiction of a march of peace is used well by both our competitors. Hellefire uses this as the ball to get the story rolling. The non-appearance of the White Priestesses at the march tips Erin into action. For Trench though, I believe slightly more has been taken from this image. The papier-mâché head is developed throughout the story and the notion that the wars of men as presented by the march were inconsequential to the druids who cared for the earth mother alone is very well signified.
I am so tempted to award a tie, but in the end, the duty of judge is to make a decision without suffering the pain of splinters in one’s arse from fence-sitting. I will thus award the match to Trench but by the slimmest of margins. All I shall say at this point is that I hope to read more from both of these writers in this competition. Thank you both for presenting me with such a fantastic judging dilemma. Excellent stuff!
maxfieldjadenfox
Whoa. Hellefire has given us a dark tale of three ancient orders, each searching for a way to Shangri La. I really liked the surprise twist at the end, still caught me a bit off guard even though it was telegraphed subtly that Konrad may have gone to the dark side. Picture use was strong. The doorway was used well as the object of the quest, and I liked the way the spellbook showed up. The horrified girl summed up Erin's horror at Katie's demise perfectly, and the parade, while not essential, was still well used. Good descriptions and character development and compelling story. I thought the suspenseful build up to the climax was impressive. Kept me interested, and nice reversal. Since this is a gaming site, I also enjoyed the references to D&D. I do have a question about one bit, “She called me this morning and told me she had found the Door. She said that the key had been brought to her by your brother..." Was Katie a willing sacrifice to open the door? The description of mutilation and dissection leads me to believe not, but then I'm left wondering about the crime scene. No sign of anything at Katie's. And was the picture of Katie a drawing or a photograph? Just a little wonder. If it was a photograph, and if the last page of Konrad's journal also contained a photograph, it would have been clearer to use that word than picture.
Trench has given us an eco-magic story about Gaia fighting back. I really enjoyed the use of the door picture, which included the land Elsewhere and not just the door. This story also has a reversal, you think Ophelia has averted disaster by dealing with Coyote's bomb, but not so fast. The earth is awake to what's happening now and she's not happy. Using the song "Bringing Sexy Back" just cracked me up. I thought this was an incredible piece up until the last line. "Everyone clapped and cheered. Thus was the sound of doves at war." just fell flat for me, and I can't tell you why. I know what you were shooting for, the dove as a peace symbol now used by the earth as an instrument of destruction, but it's really the earth that's at war with humanity, with the doves as its agents. The picture use was really good overall. Each picture advanced the story and was integral to it.
I think this match-up was the hardest for me to judge. When I read Trench's entry, I thought, no way is anyone going to beat this, but then I read Hellfire's entry and thought, well, maybe not. I guess it would be a total cop out to call this a tie, even though that's what I really want to do. I think in this case Hellefire's offering is just the teeniest bit tighter, so he advances.
The war hammer is strangely silent.
Rodrigo Istalindir
So, once again it falls to me to make the hard choices. Herremann seems to have gotten weak without Lady Death to prop him up, and maxfieldjadenfox is illing to step up to the plate and take a solid swing. Fair enough, I can be cruel when the situation demands it.
Hmmm.
Ok, maybe they have a point.
Both of these stories are very, very good. This is one of the best pairings I've seen. I have some minor quibbles, but I concur with my judging brethren that this was a hard call. I have little to add to their comments, so I will be brief.
Trench's story was simply superb. I think he's created a remarkably rich and detailed setting in a short space, with deep characters, a variety of motivations, and a genuine sense of the complex relationships that bind them all together. This is quite an achievement in such a short space. My only real beef is that the ending is really just a prelude, and after such a wonderful setup, I wanted more pyrotechnics. Still, the last line is sufficiently spooky to satisfy.
Hellefire puts together an excellent modern-day magic story, with a little dungeon romp thrown in for good measure. The pacing here is very good, although the dungeon exploration could have been tightened up a little. I think by that point there was little doubt in my mind that the maze wasn't going to play a decisive role, and so the traps didn't really ratchet up the tension level the way you intended.
Two minor weaknesses, I think. First, of the three major players (Erin, Katie, Konrad) we only meet one. This robs the story of the emotional impact at the end, when it's revealed that Konrad has fallen to the dark side and sacrificed Katie. More interaction between the trio, and less with the coven, would have eleveated this story from the 'very good' to the 'would someone publish this please?'. Second, the timing seems off (although it really only bugged me on a second reading). The phone conversation with Katie in the morning seems too innocuous given the events that had to have been playing out shortly thereafter, for example.
The picture use was a wash. Both make excellent use of the 'shocked look',. A slight edge to Hellefire, for having the doorway be real instead of a dream. Trench's use of the doves as an integral part of the story throws that picture his way.
I'm going to tip the scales in favor of Trench, but don't go anywhere. Hellefire. I think we'll be seeing more from you in the immediate future.
Trench advances, 2-1.
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