TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[TerraDave]

Now this was a good thread to bring back from the dead...deffinately one for the archives

 

[Seeten]

I just laughed right in someone's ear while reading this at work.

 

[Hypersmurf]

I'm hoping someone will rewrite Orc and Pie in this style for Celebrity DM.

-Hyp.

 

[Jdvn1]

Yes, someone miles away, in another module, suddenly loses their heavy mace.

I need to include a character who keeps losing his main weapon. "That stupid river!"

 

[Nyaricus]

Encounter 35: The Druid the Wise

When the characters enter area #37, read aloud the following text:

When the party enters the clearing, the party sees a orc with a closed book on it's lap. The orc is sitting on a log, flipping through a book. The book is brown and is neither making jokes or whistling dixie. The orc closes the green book, and sets it down on the armchair he was sitting on. The orc walks over to the characters, leaving his book on the log he was sitting on moments before.

"Hello honourable men, I am Grutt the Wise, A druudi of the higggh forest. I like reading books, they help informatate me of the outside world without going to it. Would you like to see my book?"

At this, Grutt opens the brown books he has with him, and shows them what appears to be a blank page. The page is neither running, nor walking, nor making loud noices to attract local wildlife. A bear dresseed in an orange sweater and cap, walking about as a man (see image C4) calmly walks into the clearing, clicks his heels, and retreats back where he came from. The bear is neither running or hustling. The bear smells of oils and delisciousss foodstuffs.

[sblock=Image C4]

[/sblock]

At this, Grutt yells out"LOok, A spotted boar, NO, BEAR!"' And rushes off,into the bushes, book in hand. After Grutt has left, the characters may choose to pick up Grutts book, which he left behind. The book contains no secret comparments, or secret doors. Upon picking up the books, the DM rolsl a four-sided dice.

* On a roll of 1, the PCs find the secret compartment, which holds a jewel-encrusted flamberge with the words "Flamestrike" written out in Olde Draconic. The PCs can read this even if not proficient in Goblin.
* On a roll of 2 or three, the PCs trigger Grutts sleep spell, which is triggered when anyone touches the book, Grutt included. The PCs have a 9/4 chance not to have a chance to pass the save to not fall asleep if they so wish to, at the discrection of the DM and with Grutts formidable Soprcererous powers to be considered.
* On a roll of 5, The book gives one of the characters a papercut which causes one-di-nine damage a round. To stop the bleeding, one must find Chloe, the Nymph, to get her to heal the Pcs.
* On a roll of 6, the were-rats are surpirzed.

When Grutt comes back, he is naked. Roll a d%, if 15 or lower, the wind icks up, and Grutts cape begins flapping in a rahter heroic, and fashionable ay. Grutt is neither smiling noe giving a cocksure, toothy grin as he strikes a dandy pose.

THe bear has stolen your picnic basket.

 

[Wraith Form]

Hahahahah! That second one kills me!

A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.

LOL

I think I just peed myself a little.... (wipes tears away)

* Later *

Changed the sig in honor of the event.

 

[Wraith Form]

I e-mailed Carl Smith about this module, as to whether he felt it came out exactly as he envisioned it or not.
Here is his reply:

"Thanks for the kind remarcs. I know it has bin hard to see the fight for the trees, but the kingdom will have no end. That said, we wer all happe at the response in trade magazines at the time of the module's release. "Astounding!", and "Bewilderingly"-something-or-other were common reacsons. You know, to be onest, in a feather bouncing sort of way, this was really the diving board that broke me into big busines with games like "Tarragon" and the short Adventure Quest module "Blankets for Baalzebub".
Anyway, its been a stong, fun ride, and I hope for the children that we all have many more. Cheers and fun role-gaming!
-Carl"

So, Borat's other name is Carl Smith?!?

 

[dougmander]

I just had a chuckle re-reading this stuff. It spawned another thread, archived here, in which several enworlders attempted to write a carlsmithian module from scratch. Some funny bits there, too.

 

[Xyanthon]

Ah, this is one of my all time favorites! I just had to get me a copy on ebay after I read this the first time.

 

[Thurbane]

I am so glad this thread was resurrected, else I might never have seen it.

Seriously, I laughed harder than I have in months, my sides actually hurt...