Expectations/gamer courtesy

[Dragonbait]

I don't think that this is an unspoken rule. I enforce it when I remember to.

My group games at my best friend's house. My best friend drinks soda instead of water (oh, so healthy..) and so supplies drinks and sometimes chips. I pay him $3~$10 usually (I almost never eat the chips. Being behind the GM screen means that food rarely makes it over to me). I tell the other players to pony up the dough to the food supplier, if they had any drinks or food. Since I'm the GM, you could say I bully (or influence) them into paying the host for the food. It should be a part of the gaming routine for us, but it is not.

 

[merelycompetent]

So my questions are:
Is it common courtesy to bring supplies/snacks when you game? (friendly gaming at a DM's house, not tournament or game-store play with strangers or anything like that.)
Any suggestions for addressing this with my players?

For me and the group I play with, yes, it is common courtesy to bring supplies/snacks when we game. I do not expect this of people I'm trying out (to see if they're going to join my group) or who are trying me out (for the reverse).

Over the last... er, too many years of DMing , I've handed each player a copy of the house rules (what rules I've changed/clarified for the game I'm running) and the table rules (what the rules are for sitting at my table during the game). There have been only two times since I first wrote down those house & table rules that I didn't email, have a web page, or hand out a copy of them and *require* the players to read them before starting the campaign. Both games ended in disasters. I've sat at tables as a player and witnessed (and may well have unintentionally contributed to) such meltdowns.

The basic problem, in my opinion, is that everyone (even long-time friends) comes to the table with different expectations. If no one tells anyone what is expected of someone- including the DM - then how is everyone supposed to know what will or will not offend?

The best thing to do, I think, is to make it clear what is and is not acceptable before the group actually starts to play as a group. This way, everyone - Players and DM - know what is expected of them. Now, how to approach this can be a delicate subject. Some people may be justifiably offended if they are told that their manners are unacceptable, especially in front of the other players. That's one of the reasons I use a printed handout and a webpage. It's ten times as hard to implement something like this once play has been going on for a while. Everyone will tend to read a specific criticism directed at themselves and can understandably be upset that no one told them they had offended until now - when it has been dragged out in public view of the group. In my experience, if conflict has gotten to that point where members of your group are going to get upset at your politely, non-name-calling, not mentioning specific examples of past behavior, modestly-proposed table rules, then you're going to lose those members in the near future. You and they will probably be happier for it.

 

[Exquisite Dead Guy]

I've *NEVER* played with a group where the players didn't all bring books, dice, and extra food/soda. Guess I'm just lucky. :\

 

[Jubilee]

In the groups I play in, everyone brings what they want for themselves and usually that's it. People occasionally bring extra and offer to share, and I usually end up making fudge or cookies during the holidays and set that out (although the couple who was on a diet last time I did that wasn't very excited). We have two people who've been on atkins-like diets in the past, another person who is diabetic, another person who is lactose intolerant,... so really, it's better for everyone to get what they want/need, rather than making everyone have sugarless, milkless, carb-less food to accomodate those with special diets..

Occasionally we organize potlucks, and whenever there's a birthday, someone brings a cake and someone brings some ice cream.

Not having the materials you need to actually play - that's just crazy.

 

[arscott]

Unspoken rules are always a bad idea. Snack situations are something that should be discussed, not taken for granted.

The Dice/Books thing is a little weird, but your players may have reasons. I always used to need to borrow dice when playing WoD or 7th Sea, because I didn't have the multitude of d10s those games require. I don't think it's a stretch to suppose that someone who normally only plays those games might need to borrow my set of d-Everythings when they play in a D&D game. If this newest group needs to borrow your copy of frostburn because they spent their cash on GURPS suplements, I don't think that's unreasonable. It's certainly okay to just flat-out ask your players to buy PHBs, but whining about it in a forum is useless if you haven't already taken that step.

 

[sniffles]

In the groups I play in, everyone brings what they want for themselves and usually that's it. People occasionally bring extra and offer to share, and I usually end up making fudge or cookies during the holidays and set that out (although the couple who was on a diet last time I did that wasn't very excited). We have two people who've been on atkins-like diets in the past, another person who is diabetic, another person who is lactose intolerant,... so really, it's better for everyone to get what they want/need, rather than making everyone have sugarless, milkless, carb-less food to accomodate those with special diets..

Occasionally we organize potlucks, and whenever there's a birthday, someone brings a cake and someone brings some ice cream.

Not having the materials you need to actually play - that's just crazy.

I was going to say the above, being a member of the same group, but Jubilee beat me to it.


It's been our group's tradition that players bring their own meals/snacks for as long as I'be been a member (10+ years). In addition to diets and health issues, we've got some players who are on limited budgets and can't afford to bring enough for everyone every session.
I think the bring-your-own tradition began so there wouldn't be disagreements about what to eat.

We typically don't order group pizza; I don't know why, we've just never done that. I don't mind, though. I'm starting to join the crowd of folks with dietary/digestive problems.

However, as far as the game materials, I've never seen anyone consistently not bring dice or books to a game session. Occasionally someone gets out the door without their book or dice bag, and then the hosts usually have spares to use for the day. But we all like to be able to look at the books when we're not actually gaming, and most of us are also dice collectors and the idea of using someone else's dice is kind of repugnant.

 

[werk]

I've *NEVER* played with a group where the players didn't all bring books, dice, and extra food/soda. Guess I'm just lucky. :\

Thank you! I'm not crazy. (Just lucky and/or naive)

 

[Henry]

A lot of the things mentioned aren't just gamer courtesy - they're GUEST courtesy. Now, if I offered, "just bring yourself, no books needed, I've got the pre-gens, and I'm providing the drinks and snacks" -- that's the equivalent of a hosted Football Party. However, if a group of friends are gathering to watch a game on TV informally, then you wouldn't clean out their fridge without asking first.

Common courtesy demands: If you're using the person's house, you try your darndest to bring your own stuff, you offer to set up, offer to clean up, and be polite on any house rules laid out beforehand - it's freakin' common sense that should be taught to every person. Kinda ties back in to that old Robert Howard "Temple of the Elephant" quote - the more civilized we get, the more boorish we can tend to be.

I say this as being one of the few people who has to borrow a 3.5 PHB occasionally when we play however, my group doesn't mind because I ask first, and I don't need it often when I do need it (and many times it's to help another player answer a question).

 

[Arnwyn]

So my questions are:
Is it common courtesy to bring supplies/snacks when you game? (friendly gaming at a DM's house, not tournament or game-store play with strangers or anything like that.)

It has always been our policy to "take care of yourselves". I'm the DM and I host it at my place (best environment, and all my books are handy), and I don't supply anything for my players, nor do I expect them to supply anything for me (just clean up after yourselves and I'm good). Further, no one is expected to share anything they bring, and no one is expected to bring anything if they don't want to. Everyone has the right to tell a mooch to " off". (But then, we're all friends, and are quite comfortable in doing so.)

As for supplies - our policy is if you don't bring the book, you don't get to use the ability. And P.S. - don't waste our (precious) time again. Sitting there doing squat? Guess you should have thought about that before you joined us.

In practice, however, everyone does bring food for themselves (what 30 year old doesn't eat?!) and their books.

Any suggestions for addressing this with my players?

No, not really. I know what I would say/do, but it probably won't help you much... though I can't believe you feel "obligated" to supply sodas and other such nonsense. Don't! (Maybe just not supply them with anything next session, and tell anyone querying the situation to "take care of yourselves, guys".) *shrug*

 

[Shallown]

I always make 2 gallons of tea for my group. They appreciate it and if I can't make it I let them know ahead of time so they can grab thier own drinks.

Snacks are usually shared but we don't snack that much during the game since we often break for a quick bite. The quick bite is usually ordered in and we all throw money into it with some covering others once ina while but in most cases it is a fairly even split. Those of us that are poor are also proud not accepting free eats unless we know at some point we can reciprocate.

Often I over cook for my small family and offer left overs or what ever I had for dinner to others. It is hit or miss wether I offer and wether others take me up on it.

We are pretty much frineds first and sharing is nota big issue.


later