cool hand luke
First Post
I'm good to go, the sooner the better. this weekend I have my sons 1st b-day party, so it's totally out as far as me competing, come early friday afternoon.
Fall '03 Iron DM Tournament -- Wulf Ratbane is Iron DM!
- Thread starter Pielorinho
- Start date
Macbeth
First Post
Iron DM: Macbeth vs. Rune
Filthy Nursery- The nursery where Mithane was molested is morally filthy, and the events of the nursery are the impetus for the threat of the adventure.
Zombie Swarm- As punishment for the events in the nursery, The Iron God has sent down an infestation of zombie insects (very Biblical). The insects are symbolic retribution for the sins of the past: since molestation is an invasion of the body, the insects will also invade the bodies of the villagers.
Wyvern- Also symbolic, wyvern poison weakens the body, just as the molestation weakened the Mithane’s mind, leading to his eventual suicide.
Mistaken Hunch- A play on words, there are two mistaken hunches: Kesher, the hunchback cleric, is mistaken in his assertion that Gerdon was the molester. So not only is the hunch(back) mistaken, but his hunch (as in an idea) is mistaken.
Nails- A set of magical nails must be used to crucify Gerdon to save the village. The crucifixion is a symbolic sacrifice steeped in Christian symbolism.
Familial Love- Familial love is really the PCs worst enemy. The bonds between Gerdon and his sons, daughter, and wife, all stand in the way of the sacrifice.
Wrongfully Accused
An adventure for Low to Mid Level PCs.
The adventure is primarily social with moral dilemmas, so it should be easily adaptable. The primary possible combats, the wyvern and Gerdon’s children can be scaled up or down by adding or subtracting HD (for the wyvern) or levels (for Gerdon’s children).
The adventure is also heavily driven by the wrath of a Lawful Neutral god, known as the Iron God. The Iron god can easily be replaced by any other LN god of law, just change all references to the Iron God to reference you deity instead. Alternatively, 'Iron God' can be a title of any existing god, so that no major changes are needed.
Summary: Lord Mithane of Heldret has committed suicide. In the wake of the unexpected death, Kesher, a cleric of the Iron God with a hunchback, took up an investigation, and came to the conclusion that Lord Mithane committed suicide because of the events of his past: Lord Mithane was molested by a caretaker in childhood play room. The emotional scars never healed, and Lord Mithane eventually was driven to take his own life. Kesher searched or the molester, and eventually narrowed his investigation to an old tutor who had worked with Mithane, Gerdon Mekellion. Since the local laws did not allow for punishment of crimes so far past, Kesher took matters into his own hands, and performed a week long ritual to summon the wrath of the Iron God to destroy the town of Heldret. A swarm of undead insects is now on its way to avenge Mithane, but with one minor problem: Gerdon isn’t guilty.
The PCs must defend Heldret, but there is only one known way to stop the swarm other then destroying it: the man the swarm was sent to destroy, Gerdon, must be crucified with magical nails after being weakened with Wyvern’s poison. Of course Gerdon is hesitant to give his life, and his family is not to happy to let him go.
Plot Hooks:
Just Visiting: The PCs may just be passing through Heldret, and when the notice the insects approaching, decide to help defend the town.
Family Bonds: Maybe Gerdon has another son or daughter: one of the PCs. The adventure takes on a much more personal nature when a PC would have to sacrifice his/her father to save the town.
Heldret:
Heldret grew up around a long standing cathedral to the Iron God. The cathedral brings in a steady stream of religious visitors, and so a small economy has grown around it. Heldret is ruled by a duke, at least in theory. Really, Heldret is ruled by the government of the larger district around it, with he title of duke being a holdover from more decadent days. With Mithane dead, there is no successor to rule Heldret, so, more then likely the title of Lord of Haldret will be abolished.
The Sighting:
Whatever the reason for the PCs being in Heldret, the signs of the approaching swarm are sure to alert them to the impending insect assault. As Kesher finishes his summoning ritual the sky quickly clouds over, and a extremely faint buzzing can be heard (Listen DC 20). Any PC looking to the East may see the beginnings of the forming swarm (Spot DC 18). A single funnel of could descends into the Cathedral of the Iron God.Regardless of the PCs noticing any warning signs, the head of the Heldret guard finds the PCs as soon as possible. Ferwig, the captain of the guard (War 2), knows that the PCs likely have more experience with the supernatural then he does. He will ask them to help out of the kindness of their hearts, since he cannot offer money. If hard pressed for compensation, he can offer discounts at local shops and small favors, but he has no money to offer. If the PCs agree to help, he gives them directions to his office, giving the PCs a good contact point to
get further information.
At this point the PCs are likely to either check out the forming swarm or take a look at the point where the funnel touches down: in the tower of the cathedral.
Inspecting the Swarm:
The swarm begins mostly insubstantial, and grows more and more real over a twenty-four hour period, at the end of which the swarm levels the town, kills the inhabitants, and disappears. The swarm cannot be interacted with, in essence it is not yet in existence, and so cannot be affected by anybody except the Iron God, who created it.
The Cathedral:
The cathedral is unguarded, it is, after all, a place of worship to the Iron God, not a fortress. Nothing prevents the PCs from proceeding directly to the bell tower where Kesher has sits, waiting for the immanent destruction of Heldret.
Kesher, small human man in priestly robes with an obvious hump in his back, is expecting the PCs. He has set himself up in a win/win situation: if the PCs decide to stop the swarm by sacrificing Gerdon, he has succeeded in killing the murderer. If the PCs do not stop the swarm by that method, he is sure Gerdon will be killed anyway. He will explain the entire situation to the PCs, including Mithane’s's molestation, Kesher's investigation, and the evidence for Gerdon's guilt. The evidence for Gerdon's guilt boils down to “he was in the same place at the same time, and everybody else said they didn't do it, so Gerdon must have.”
The Choice:
Kesher provides the PCS with a choice: allow the swarm to destroy the town, letting “justice be served,” or crucify Gerdon, cleansing Heldret of his supposed sin. He even provides the PCs with the information they need to ceremonially crucify Gerdon: to punish him for weakening Mithane's soul, his body must be weakened by a Wyvern's poison, and to signify his acceptance of sin a ceremonial set of magic nails that Kesher will gladly give the PCs must be driven through Gerdon's hands.
The swarm should be portrayed as intimidating: as it becomes more and more real the zombie swarm's buzzing fills the air, and when the attack finally begins the buzzing drowns out all but the loudest noise. The PCs can fight, and defeat, the swarm, but the damage to Herdet will likely be irreparable.
Evacuation:
The PCs may decide to evacuate the city. This is a good solution, but the swarm still destroys the city. This may give them time to convince Kesher that Gerdon is innocent, but damage has still be done, and the city is leveled.
Confronting Gerdon:
If the PCs confront Gerdon (male human Expert 5), he tries to defend himself, not in combat, but by asserting his innocence. Gerdon is rather old now, soon to be a Grandfather, and he is loath to give up his family life for the good of the city, especially when he has committed no wrong. If the PCs do convince him to surrender his life, his family stands in their way: the bonds of love run both ways, and Gerdon's two sons and one daughter will defend him, even in combat if necessary. Gerdon's sons are Sered (male human Ftr 7), and Thumus (male human Wiz 6), and his daughter Mesela (female human Rog 6). They all have taken to adventuring, but return home often to visit, and are at home on one such visit during the events of the adventure.
Getting the Wyvern's Poison:
Kesher has no objections to Gerdon dying, he just can't carry out the punishment himself, so the poison is easy to get, even though it cannot be bought anywhere in Herdet. A wyvern makes its home just north of Herdet, and the PCs can easily walk it in an hour each way. The wyvern is old, and not particularly aggressive, but it will defend itself if the PCs enter its nest. The poison can be harvested from a dead Wyvern, or some can be removed from a wounded PC who has been hit by the wyvern's sting with a Heal check (DC 18).
Kersher:
If the PCs investigate Kesher’s quarters they find the reason for his hump: a huge rack of weights, each one with a piece of parchment attached, each piece of parchment bearing a sin that Kesher has committed. It is clear that Kesher sets these weights on his shoulders as penance. Most of the sins are of no consequence (“having seconds at dinner,” “forgetting my daily prayer,” etc.), but one that may interest the PCs reads “Not Saving Mithane.” It appears that the reason for Kesher’s obsessive search for Mithane’s molester was driven by a lingering guilt.
Stopping the Swarm:
To stop the swarm the PCs must crucify Gerdon on the town's gates using the nails Kesher gave them, and inject him with the wyvern poison. If he is only crucified, but not poisoned, the swarm has diminished effects, but it still attacks the town (see running the swarm, below). The PCs crucifying Gerdon as the swarm floods towards Herdet can make a climactic final scene.
Gerdon's Innocence?:
If the PCs make an effort to investigate, they can find Mithane's personal journal with a Gather Information check (DC 21). The check only reveals the journals location, the PCs must break into Mithane's old room (on the third story of the tallest building in town). Once inside the room, the journal is easy to find, Search check DC 19 to find the journal tucked under the bed. The journal mentions the molester, but does not list a name. The journal speaks glowingly of Gerdon, making it highly unlikely that Gerdon committed The crime. However, the journal does not explicitly clear Gerdon, so the PCs may reach their own conclusion.
The Swarm:
If the Swarm hits the town without any mitigating factors (PC intervention, Gerdon's crucifixion, etc.), The Swarm will deal 1d4 damage every round to every living being within the town as they crawl into every orifice, and 1d10 to any objects, ignoring Hardness as The undead insects burrow under into the material. The PCs can attack the swarm, but slashing and piercing weapons have little effect, dealing only half damage. If the PCs can deal over 200 points of damage, the swarm dissipates, and anything still left standing is safe.
Dramatic Scenes:
The crucifixion, if it happens is by far the most dramatic scene, with Gerdon nailed to the gates, dying from the Wyvern poison, and the Swarm approaching.
Other possible dramatic scenes include the first appearance of the zombie swarm, and Gerdon’s family coming to his defense.
Rat Bastardly:
The real bastardly thing is the decision the PCs must make: is the towns well being worth the sacrifice of an old man who has committed no crime?
Filthy Nursery- The nursery where Mithane was molested is morally filthy, and the events of the nursery are the impetus for the threat of the adventure.
Zombie Swarm- As punishment for the events in the nursery, The Iron God has sent down an infestation of zombie insects (very Biblical). The insects are symbolic retribution for the sins of the past: since molestation is an invasion of the body, the insects will also invade the bodies of the villagers.
Wyvern- Also symbolic, wyvern poison weakens the body, just as the molestation weakened the Mithane’s mind, leading to his eventual suicide.
Mistaken Hunch- A play on words, there are two mistaken hunches: Kesher, the hunchback cleric, is mistaken in his assertion that Gerdon was the molester. So not only is the hunch(back) mistaken, but his hunch (as in an idea) is mistaken.
Nails- A set of magical nails must be used to crucify Gerdon to save the village. The crucifixion is a symbolic sacrifice steeped in Christian symbolism.
Familial Love- Familial love is really the PCs worst enemy. The bonds between Gerdon and his sons, daughter, and wife, all stand in the way of the sacrifice.
Wrongfully Accused
An adventure for Low to Mid Level PCs.
The adventure is primarily social with moral dilemmas, so it should be easily adaptable. The primary possible combats, the wyvern and Gerdon’s children can be scaled up or down by adding or subtracting HD (for the wyvern) or levels (for Gerdon’s children).
The adventure is also heavily driven by the wrath of a Lawful Neutral god, known as the Iron God. The Iron god can easily be replaced by any other LN god of law, just change all references to the Iron God to reference you deity instead. Alternatively, 'Iron God' can be a title of any existing god, so that no major changes are needed.
Summary: Lord Mithane of Heldret has committed suicide. In the wake of the unexpected death, Kesher, a cleric of the Iron God with a hunchback, took up an investigation, and came to the conclusion that Lord Mithane committed suicide because of the events of his past: Lord Mithane was molested by a caretaker in childhood play room. The emotional scars never healed, and Lord Mithane eventually was driven to take his own life. Kesher searched or the molester, and eventually narrowed his investigation to an old tutor who had worked with Mithane, Gerdon Mekellion. Since the local laws did not allow for punishment of crimes so far past, Kesher took matters into his own hands, and performed a week long ritual to summon the wrath of the Iron God to destroy the town of Heldret. A swarm of undead insects is now on its way to avenge Mithane, but with one minor problem: Gerdon isn’t guilty.
The PCs must defend Heldret, but there is only one known way to stop the swarm other then destroying it: the man the swarm was sent to destroy, Gerdon, must be crucified with magical nails after being weakened with Wyvern’s poison. Of course Gerdon is hesitant to give his life, and his family is not to happy to let him go.
Plot Hooks:
Just Visiting: The PCs may just be passing through Heldret, and when the notice the insects approaching, decide to help defend the town.
Family Bonds: Maybe Gerdon has another son or daughter: one of the PCs. The adventure takes on a much more personal nature when a PC would have to sacrifice his/her father to save the town.
Heldret:
Heldret grew up around a long standing cathedral to the Iron God. The cathedral brings in a steady stream of religious visitors, and so a small economy has grown around it. Heldret is ruled by a duke, at least in theory. Really, Heldret is ruled by the government of the larger district around it, with he title of duke being a holdover from more decadent days. With Mithane dead, there is no successor to rule Heldret, so, more then likely the title of Lord of Haldret will be abolished.
The Sighting:
Whatever the reason for the PCs being in Heldret, the signs of the approaching swarm are sure to alert them to the impending insect assault. As Kesher finishes his summoning ritual the sky quickly clouds over, and a extremely faint buzzing can be heard (Listen DC 20). Any PC looking to the East may see the beginnings of the forming swarm (Spot DC 18). A single funnel of could descends into the Cathedral of the Iron God.Regardless of the PCs noticing any warning signs, the head of the Heldret guard finds the PCs as soon as possible. Ferwig, the captain of the guard (War 2), knows that the PCs likely have more experience with the supernatural then he does. He will ask them to help out of the kindness of their hearts, since he cannot offer money. If hard pressed for compensation, he can offer discounts at local shops and small favors, but he has no money to offer. If the PCs agree to help, he gives them directions to his office, giving the PCs a good contact point to
get further information.
At this point the PCs are likely to either check out the forming swarm or take a look at the point where the funnel touches down: in the tower of the cathedral.
Inspecting the Swarm:
The swarm begins mostly insubstantial, and grows more and more real over a twenty-four hour period, at the end of which the swarm levels the town, kills the inhabitants, and disappears. The swarm cannot be interacted with, in essence it is not yet in existence, and so cannot be affected by anybody except the Iron God, who created it.
The Cathedral:
The cathedral is unguarded, it is, after all, a place of worship to the Iron God, not a fortress. Nothing prevents the PCs from proceeding directly to the bell tower where Kesher has sits, waiting for the immanent destruction of Heldret.
Kesher, small human man in priestly robes with an obvious hump in his back, is expecting the PCs. He has set himself up in a win/win situation: if the PCs decide to stop the swarm by sacrificing Gerdon, he has succeeded in killing the murderer. If the PCs do not stop the swarm by that method, he is sure Gerdon will be killed anyway. He will explain the entire situation to the PCs, including Mithane’s's molestation, Kesher's investigation, and the evidence for Gerdon's guilt. The evidence for Gerdon's guilt boils down to “he was in the same place at the same time, and everybody else said they didn't do it, so Gerdon must have.”
The Choice:
Kesher provides the PCS with a choice: allow the swarm to destroy the town, letting “justice be served,” or crucify Gerdon, cleansing Heldret of his supposed sin. He even provides the PCs with the information they need to ceremonially crucify Gerdon: to punish him for weakening Mithane's soul, his body must be weakened by a Wyvern's poison, and to signify his acceptance of sin a ceremonial set of magic nails that Kesher will gladly give the PCs must be driven through Gerdon's hands.
The swarm should be portrayed as intimidating: as it becomes more and more real the zombie swarm's buzzing fills the air, and when the attack finally begins the buzzing drowns out all but the loudest noise. The PCs can fight, and defeat, the swarm, but the damage to Herdet will likely be irreparable.
Evacuation:
The PCs may decide to evacuate the city. This is a good solution, but the swarm still destroys the city. This may give them time to convince Kesher that Gerdon is innocent, but damage has still be done, and the city is leveled.
Confronting Gerdon:
If the PCs confront Gerdon (male human Expert 5), he tries to defend himself, not in combat, but by asserting his innocence. Gerdon is rather old now, soon to be a Grandfather, and he is loath to give up his family life for the good of the city, especially when he has committed no wrong. If the PCs do convince him to surrender his life, his family stands in their way: the bonds of love run both ways, and Gerdon's two sons and one daughter will defend him, even in combat if necessary. Gerdon's sons are Sered (male human Ftr 7), and Thumus (male human Wiz 6), and his daughter Mesela (female human Rog 6). They all have taken to adventuring, but return home often to visit, and are at home on one such visit during the events of the adventure.
Getting the Wyvern's Poison:
Kesher has no objections to Gerdon dying, he just can't carry out the punishment himself, so the poison is easy to get, even though it cannot be bought anywhere in Herdet. A wyvern makes its home just north of Herdet, and the PCs can easily walk it in an hour each way. The wyvern is old, and not particularly aggressive, but it will defend itself if the PCs enter its nest. The poison can be harvested from a dead Wyvern, or some can be removed from a wounded PC who has been hit by the wyvern's sting with a Heal check (DC 18).
Kersher:
If the PCs investigate Kesher’s quarters they find the reason for his hump: a huge rack of weights, each one with a piece of parchment attached, each piece of parchment bearing a sin that Kesher has committed. It is clear that Kesher sets these weights on his shoulders as penance. Most of the sins are of no consequence (“having seconds at dinner,” “forgetting my daily prayer,” etc.), but one that may interest the PCs reads “Not Saving Mithane.” It appears that the reason for Kesher’s obsessive search for Mithane’s molester was driven by a lingering guilt.
Stopping the Swarm:
To stop the swarm the PCs must crucify Gerdon on the town's gates using the nails Kesher gave them, and inject him with the wyvern poison. If he is only crucified, but not poisoned, the swarm has diminished effects, but it still attacks the town (see running the swarm, below). The PCs crucifying Gerdon as the swarm floods towards Herdet can make a climactic final scene.
Gerdon's Innocence?:
If the PCs make an effort to investigate, they can find Mithane's personal journal with a Gather Information check (DC 21). The check only reveals the journals location, the PCs must break into Mithane's old room (on the third story of the tallest building in town). Once inside the room, the journal is easy to find, Search check DC 19 to find the journal tucked under the bed. The journal mentions the molester, but does not list a name. The journal speaks glowingly of Gerdon, making it highly unlikely that Gerdon committed The crime. However, the journal does not explicitly clear Gerdon, so the PCs may reach their own conclusion.
The Swarm:
If the Swarm hits the town without any mitigating factors (PC intervention, Gerdon's crucifixion, etc.), The Swarm will deal 1d4 damage every round to every living being within the town as they crawl into every orifice, and 1d10 to any objects, ignoring Hardness as The undead insects burrow under into the material. The PCs can attack the swarm, but slashing and piercing weapons have little effect, dealing only half damage. If the PCs can deal over 200 points of damage, the swarm dissipates, and anything still left standing is safe.
Dramatic Scenes:
The crucifixion, if it happens is by far the most dramatic scene, with Gerdon nailed to the gates, dying from the Wyvern poison, and the Swarm approaching.
Other possible dramatic scenes include the first appearance of the zombie swarm, and Gerdon’s family coming to his defense.
Rat Bastardly:
The real bastardly thing is the decision the PCs must make: is the towns well being worth the sacrifice of an old man who has committed no crime?
Sollir Furryfoot
Explorer
Awesome entries, just browsing but I imagine I'll read them closer in the future. In Nifft's, I think it would have been cool if when the mirror was repaired, anyone staring into it would have seen the face of the death god instead of their own image, and instantly be slain. With enough sacrafices the death god would have enough energy to rise again.
Just a random thought.
Just a random thought.
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Judgment: Rune vs. Macbeth
Both entries intrigued me right from the start. One entry held up to the coolness of the initial summary, however, while the other one ended up disappointing me.
First, some overall thoughts:
Characters: This match had more cool characters than any previous match. Rune's hating brothers were a classic trope and evocative; although his zombie wyvern didn't exactly have a developed personality, it was weird and creepy enough that I could easily see its being a memorable character for players. Macbeth, however, really shone in the character development, especially with his vengeful priest and innocent tutor. Again, the old wyvern who was nonagressive but would defend his own life fiercely was an interesting use of the ingredient.
Spectacle: How could anyone NOT use a zombie swarm for a spectacle? Both entries had multiple spectacles; in each entry, a town being destroyed by the zombie swarm figured prominently. Rune's had also the faux-ghost in the graveyard and the nursery scattered with coffin-nails, both very cinematic scenes; Macbeth's crucifixion of an innocent man would have similar effects. However, I don't expect the crucifixion would ever happen: in a game of heroic fantasy, few PCs are going to agree to such a devil's bargain.
Mood: Strong moods appear in both entries. Rune's adventure develops the theme of familial love quite well; vengeance and forgiveness and the complications of family are intertwined through the backstory and much of the adventure. Macbeth's mood is much more one of vengeance and perverted justice; although these come through loud and clear, they're not drawn from the ingredients as Rune's mood was, and therefore aren't as strong for the competition.
As for specific ingredients:
Filthy Nursery: Rune's nursery is one of three major scenes in his adventure (the others are the graveyard, and the streets of the town once the swarm descends). Although I didn't really buy the explanation that the town's kids were raised communally, the adventure wouldn't really have suffered from removing that explanation entirely. Macbeth's nursery suffered from not appearing in the adventure whatsoever: it was in a backstory, and the PCs may never even realize a nursery existed. Furthermore, its filthiness (symbolic only) was a bit of a stretch. Rune's use was clearly superior.
Wyvern: both wyverns were pretty lame. The wyvern was drawn by the curse, Rune? Why not a manticore, or a hill giant, or a plague of hell wasps? Its wyvernness had nothing to do with the adventure. Macbeth, at least, had a bit of an explanation: the redemption to the curse required poison, and wyverns have poison. Why not use some other kind of poison, however, some kind that's easier to obtain? A brief explanation (e.g., that the Iron God considers wyverns an embodiment of corruption) would have sufficed; lacking such an explanation, the ingredient's use seemed arbitrary. Rune's, however, was totally arbitrary, and therefore Macbeth's was better.
Zombie Swarm: when the nursery and the swarm both came up as ingredients, I knew someone would do zombie kids, and Rune didn't disappoint. I was pleasantly surprised that their existence was well-justified. Macbeth's locust swarm was cool and Biblical indeed in scope - but I could find no reason at all for them being zombie locusts. Indeed, a god of justice doesn't seem likely to me in most campaigns to raise zombies. Without such an explanation of why they were zombies, this was a weak ingredient use. Especially compared to Rune's horde of precious-moments killers.
Nails: Interesting uses both; I was a little surprised no one went with fingernails. By this point in the story, Rune's curse is really working overtime with all the specific effects it's causing - and why does the curse care about writing kids' names on the nails anyway? It's a good clue, but I'm not sure the story justified it. Macbeth's magical nails of crucifixion were very creepy and very appropriate; even though I expect they'd never get used, their mere existence ought to be enough to propel the characters forward. Macbeth wins on this one.
Mistaken Hunch: both of you had multiple mistaken hunches. Both integrated them fairly well into the adventure. One of Macbeth's was clever (the well-justified hunch on the cleric, weighted down with his own sins); the other, however, was problematic. Obviously the tutor wasn't guilty; who was? In not answering this question, the adventure is unsatisfying. Further, the priest seems to have an especial interest in the suicide guy; are we supposed to suspect the priest, therefore? Finally, couldn't this whole mistaken hunch be corrected via simple use of zone of truth? Problems, problems problems. All the same, I found Macbeth's hunches more interesting than Rune's.
Familial love: Rune's familial love was great, although I was initially skeptical: an ingredient that figures into the adventure by its absence? It worked, though, and indeed the multiple examples of familial love gone bad (brother kills brother, husband loses family, parents lose children, children return as zombies and kill parents) made this Rune's strongest ingredient. Macbeth's familial love, on the other hand, wasn't nearly so impressive: it felt like a side-note, inasmuch as it only comes into play if the adventurers decide to crucifix an innocent man.
Overall, Macbeth, I was pretty intrigued by your adventure from the synopsis at the beginning. Unfortunately, I found it to be plagued with problems, both in terms of use of ingredients and in plausibility (see notes under "hunch" above). With a bit of tightening, it could be great; certainly the basic idea of a town about to be destroyed out of a mistaken verdict is a cool seed for an adventure. Rune's adventure needs some work in better incorporating the wyvern, but otherwise has a number of cool scenes in it, a collection of red herrings, and a juicy combat or two.
Round goes to Rune. Congratulations!
Daniel
Both entries intrigued me right from the start. One entry held up to the coolness of the initial summary, however, while the other one ended up disappointing me.
First, some overall thoughts:
Characters: This match had more cool characters than any previous match. Rune's hating brothers were a classic trope and evocative; although his zombie wyvern didn't exactly have a developed personality, it was weird and creepy enough that I could easily see its being a memorable character for players. Macbeth, however, really shone in the character development, especially with his vengeful priest and innocent tutor. Again, the old wyvern who was nonagressive but would defend his own life fiercely was an interesting use of the ingredient.
Spectacle: How could anyone NOT use a zombie swarm for a spectacle? Both entries had multiple spectacles; in each entry, a town being destroyed by the zombie swarm figured prominently. Rune's had also the faux-ghost in the graveyard and the nursery scattered with coffin-nails, both very cinematic scenes; Macbeth's crucifixion of an innocent man would have similar effects. However, I don't expect the crucifixion would ever happen: in a game of heroic fantasy, few PCs are going to agree to such a devil's bargain.
Mood: Strong moods appear in both entries. Rune's adventure develops the theme of familial love quite well; vengeance and forgiveness and the complications of family are intertwined through the backstory and much of the adventure. Macbeth's mood is much more one of vengeance and perverted justice; although these come through loud and clear, they're not drawn from the ingredients as Rune's mood was, and therefore aren't as strong for the competition.
As for specific ingredients:
Filthy Nursery: Rune's nursery is one of three major scenes in his adventure (the others are the graveyard, and the streets of the town once the swarm descends). Although I didn't really buy the explanation that the town's kids were raised communally, the adventure wouldn't really have suffered from removing that explanation entirely. Macbeth's nursery suffered from not appearing in the adventure whatsoever: it was in a backstory, and the PCs may never even realize a nursery existed. Furthermore, its filthiness (symbolic only) was a bit of a stretch. Rune's use was clearly superior.
Wyvern: both wyverns were pretty lame. The wyvern was drawn by the curse, Rune? Why not a manticore, or a hill giant, or a plague of hell wasps? Its wyvernness had nothing to do with the adventure. Macbeth, at least, had a bit of an explanation: the redemption to the curse required poison, and wyverns have poison. Why not use some other kind of poison, however, some kind that's easier to obtain? A brief explanation (e.g., that the Iron God considers wyverns an embodiment of corruption) would have sufficed; lacking such an explanation, the ingredient's use seemed arbitrary. Rune's, however, was totally arbitrary, and therefore Macbeth's was better.
Zombie Swarm: when the nursery and the swarm both came up as ingredients, I knew someone would do zombie kids, and Rune didn't disappoint. I was pleasantly surprised that their existence was well-justified. Macbeth's locust swarm was cool and Biblical indeed in scope - but I could find no reason at all for them being zombie locusts. Indeed, a god of justice doesn't seem likely to me in most campaigns to raise zombies. Without such an explanation of why they were zombies, this was a weak ingredient use. Especially compared to Rune's horde of precious-moments killers.
Nails: Interesting uses both; I was a little surprised no one went with fingernails. By this point in the story, Rune's curse is really working overtime with all the specific effects it's causing - and why does the curse care about writing kids' names on the nails anyway? It's a good clue, but I'm not sure the story justified it. Macbeth's magical nails of crucifixion were very creepy and very appropriate; even though I expect they'd never get used, their mere existence ought to be enough to propel the characters forward. Macbeth wins on this one.
Mistaken Hunch: both of you had multiple mistaken hunches. Both integrated them fairly well into the adventure. One of Macbeth's was clever (the well-justified hunch on the cleric, weighted down with his own sins); the other, however, was problematic. Obviously the tutor wasn't guilty; who was? In not answering this question, the adventure is unsatisfying. Further, the priest seems to have an especial interest in the suicide guy; are we supposed to suspect the priest, therefore? Finally, couldn't this whole mistaken hunch be corrected via simple use of zone of truth? Problems, problems problems. All the same, I found Macbeth's hunches more interesting than Rune's.
Familial love: Rune's familial love was great, although I was initially skeptical: an ingredient that figures into the adventure by its absence? It worked, though, and indeed the multiple examples of familial love gone bad (brother kills brother, husband loses family, parents lose children, children return as zombies and kill parents) made this Rune's strongest ingredient. Macbeth's familial love, on the other hand, wasn't nearly so impressive: it felt like a side-note, inasmuch as it only comes into play if the adventurers decide to crucifix an innocent man.
Overall, Macbeth, I was pretty intrigued by your adventure from the synopsis at the beginning. Unfortunately, I found it to be plagued with problems, both in terms of use of ingredients and in plausibility (see notes under "hunch" above). With a bit of tightening, it could be great; certainly the basic idea of a town about to be destroyed out of a mistaken verdict is a cool seed for an adventure. Rune's adventure needs some work in better incorporating the wyvern, but otherwise has a number of cool scenes in it, a collection of red herrings, and a juicy combat or two.
Round goes to Rune. Congratulations!
Daniel
Last edited:
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
I'm heading off to watch Angel now, but if both Cool Hand Luke and Mythago are willing, I'll post ingredients for their match at 10:30 EDT tonight; otherwise, we can start their match sometime tomorrow morning. Remember to give me three numbers between one and twenty.
Daniel
Daniel
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Given that it's about 10:15 and Cool Hand Luke hasn't checked in, and that I'm still at my brother's house and don't have my ingredients here, I'm going to check once more once I get home to see if CHL has said he's up for starting tonight. Otherwise it'll be tomorrow morning. I'll check before midnight; lemme know if both of you are okay with the game starting sometime between 11:30 and midnight EDT.
Daniel
Daniel
cool hand luke
First Post
I'd be a lot better of starting tomorrow morning, if that's ok
7, 12, 17
7, 12, 17
Pielorinho
Iron Fist of Pelor
Dangit, my message from last night didn't register! Anyway, I'm ready as soon as you guys are; check in, and we'll get started.
Daniel
Daniel
