Funny Quotes for the Cannon Fodder?

[Noumenon]

I'm going to be running The Giant's Skull module where the players do a one-shot as angry ogres invading a fortress full of humans. A lot of the fun in this adventure has to be playing evil -- throwing the puny humans around, squashing them, pulling their limbs off, et cetera. It needs to be fun and not disturbing, so I want to come up with funny deaths for everyone. So what can I make the humans say that will add to this? Stuff like "I can't feel my legs!" and the classic "Aieee!" Anybody got a list? "Don't eat me -- I'm scrawny!"

 

[Silvercat Moonpaw]

There's always Monty Python references:

"It's just a flesh-wound."

"Ah'm not dead."

Seriously, just read things like 8-Bit Theater and Order of the Stick: not only will you probably pick up some good lines, but it's fun too.

 

[Noumenon]

I must not be a true gamer if I didn't think of Monty Python. Thank you.

 

[MortalPlague]

"Will I ever play the violin again?"

 

[Wizard Biscuits]

"What're you cowering under that table for, Jenkins? Those ogres couldn't hit a dragon with those rocks from that dist-"

"Looks like I'm only half the man I used to be." - on being torn in half.

"Can someone lend a hand?" and "I haven't got a leg to stand on." - for limb removal.

 

[Deuce Traveler]

There used to be a fairly large thread on this, methinks.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Not in the face! Not in the face!"

"You hit like an Ogirl!"

"OOOOoooohhh- that'll leave a mark!"

 

[frankthedm]

(Marches up with bravado.)"YOU want a piece of ME?!" (voice cracks as he realizes how big the ogre is) "Do you want a piece" (sees ogre licking lips) "of me...eep!"

 

[The_Gneech]

"I'm okay!"

WHOMP!

(feebly) "I'm still okay!"

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"I'll haaarrrmmmm yooouuuu!"

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"Mommy!!!"

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"Game over, man! Game over!"

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Get a .WAV file of [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdbYsoEasio]The Wilhelm Scream[/ame] and play it on your laptop every third death.

-The Gneech

 

[Silvercat Moonpaw]

You may have already thought of this but encourage the players to be silly: punting humans like footballs, using them as weapons, using them as puppets after they're dead. If they don't take the activity to be too serious it'll likely seem less grusome.