Gamers and Stereotypes

[PapersAndPaychecks]

HOBBIES ARE NOT LIFESTYLE CHOICES

Sigged.

 

[Seeten]

Exercise doesnt need to involve the gym. You can walk. You can easily do 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week, in your own house, and thats all you need to do to get in shape. You just have to KEEP AT IT. Don't quit after 3 days, saying, "I dont see results!"

I mean really. Exercise will actually gain you free time, as you wont need as much sleep.

 

[Andor]

Found out that she thinks that D&D is a game for powergamers and hack and slashers and can only be used for that purpose and doesn't really like it. She plays Vampire: TM, only in LARP form though. She plays Rifts and WoW. But, still, I'm kind of a hack and slasher myself, and I have a feeling if we talked too much we'd probably end up hating each other anyways. Sometimes the LARP/table top, Hack and Slash/Roleplayer prejudice is almost worse than the non-gamer prejudice for us.

Wow. Just... wow. Dude rifts is the ultimate munchkin system (except maybe Synnibar but let's not go there) and take my word for it that there are plenty of powergaming H&S Vampire players.

How about this? Tell her you're interested in learning more about Vampire Larping and ask to join her game. I guarentee her GM will be delighted to hand you an NPC to play. At the worst you will broaden your gaming horizons and at best, well, Vampire Larps are a hotbed of dating.

DON'T use 'our gaming styles are too different' as an excuse to not try, that like refusing to date someone because you like different amounts of hot sauce on your mexican food. What's the worst that can happen?

More than willing to admit this. If there's anything that describes me well, it's lazy. Heck, if I was less lazy, I might take up swimming as a hobby or go to the gym. But, well, I AM lazy. It's been me for as long as I can remember.

If you can point a (metaphorical) gun to your head and make yourself go swimming or biking 3 times in a week you'll find your metabolism picks up, and you'll start wanting to keep going.

Must go to work now.

 

[jaded]

Stereotyping: the image, the clothes, maybe even the smell. They serve as your first impression. As wiser heads than me have commented people are judgemental, as this is judging a book by its cover. People do it. You can control this but you seem to be happy with impression that you give. Fair enough.

Then you get to talk to someone for the first time. There is one and only one outcome here... you come off as being yourself. Now if this is just reinforcing a stereotype to the other party, that's their conclusion, but one that you chose to assist by (for example) chatting about RPGs or Star Wars from the get-go. Fair enough.

My point here is that you have two relatively small, effortwise, options to reduce this stereotypical reaction to yourself. The point you have made though, is that your not prepared to do it purely because "society" expects it. *shrug* Fair enough. To me it seems like a no-brainer though.

However, I have no interest in sitting around hearing about this time that one of my friends got so drunk they could barely walk and then when they passed out, they woke up at someone's house they had never met before and got out of there before the other person woke up. To me that just reads "ok, you did something stupid...why do I need to know about it?" I also have no interest in spending multiple hours each week doing exercises whose only purpose is to make me look better to other people. As it is now, I barely manage to fit sleeping, work, eating, and some time for myself into each day. I dress in nice clothes for nice occasions. I shower as often as I have time for and is required by society. If I'm going somewhere with people around, I will shower and get dressed up, unless I know it's mostly geeks.

Now, my immediate reaction here was to delete the reply I started. If you don't want to change your lifestyle, then no amount of advice here on ENworld is going to help or motivate you.

I can only really suggest one thing. Even you you might find it distasteful and you don't want to do it, do something else. Sure, you know that another hour of KotOR will be fun, but it will be predictable fun, and it is extermely unlikely to help with your loneliness problem.

Go out and indulge your friends that are goofing around. You don't have to join in, but at least be willing to meet them halfway socially. Listen to their stories, laugh at the appropriate times. You don't have to agree, but you don't have to be judgemental either. In time it will be your turn and they will indulge you. This is an exceedingly crude example , but I hope you see the point that I'm making. And while you're out you're much more likely to meet someone, who, when your friends are indulging your interests, might share them.

I guess what I'm saying is: you have to give a little to get a little. You should do things that you don't want to do because there is a tangible reward for doing them (like going to work!). It might not pay off straight away, but then, what does?

 

[fusangite]

Well, I don't believe that being overweight is "me" per se. What I was saying is that spending most of my time exercising and trying to remain slim, I wouldn't be me anymore.

Well, the way I lost weight didn't entail me spending an extra second on anything. I just did the Atkins diet and it worked fine.

I'd lose time that I currently enjoy spending on other things. I have 3 D&D games a week, I'd likely have to drop at least one of them to spend one day a week and the gym or something in order to slim down. And the thought of that does not appeal to me.

You're just wrong here. Go and buy Dr. Atkins' book.

As for the showering thing. It's not that I don't like having a shower, it has to do with my priorities. For instance. I went to bed right after I made the first post, about 10 hours ago. I set my alarm for 9:30 pm, figuring that I'd be awake long before then. I woke up to my alarm, still felt tired and hit snooze. I finally woke up around 10:15 pm. I work at 11:30 pm today. I work the midnight shift doing tech support until 8 am.

So, if you had "finally" awakened at 10:12pm, you would have had time for a shower. Sounds like a manageable situation to me.

When I take a shower, since I enjoy it so much, it takes no less than 30 minutes, normally 45 minutes.

I agree. A 45 minute shower is more fun than a 3 minute shower. But, by the same token, isn't a 3 minute shower more fun than a 0 minute shower?

Now, I notice you responded to nothing else in my original post, probably because you ran out of time but I'm going with a best case scenario and assume you agreed with it. As for some of your more recent statements,

The shirt is not me, I am the shirt. If I didn't like that stuff or I cared about what other people thought of me much, I wouldn't wear it. To me, not wearing it is like pretending that I'm someone else.

I know you denied it earlier but your values really are incredibly superficial. I have some very strong opinions about things -- opinions strong enough to make me spend my savings on those things or get arrested in the name of those things but they still didn't require me to have a slogal endorsing those things on my chest at all times.

If you think that if you are not wearing a label declaring your aesthetic preferences that you are not being yourself, that's pretty darned sad. And profoundly superficial. Like so many men who are committed to appearing as unattractive and slovenly as possible, you are actually way more appearance-conscious than the rest of us. The fact that you don't feel as happy or good about yourself if you're not wearing an identity label at all times is really troubling. You need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and realize that you are obsessed with appearances and need to address that because essentially you're saying, "I'm uncomfortable going anywhere if I'm not in uniform." You're no different from the preppies who feel naked without the right labels on their clothes or the anarchists who can't wear anything but black.

What are you afraid of? Are you scared that people will mistake you for a non-geek if you slip out of your geek uniform from time to time? From the other things you've said about yourself, I frankly don't believe there is any immediate risk of that.

See, I'm stuck in a unique situation.

No. You're not. I'm prepared to bet a minimum of 10% of ENWorlders are in your situation. Hell -- I'm in your situation. So get over yourself. There is nothing special and unique about making your life pretty good except for this fairly common gigantic glaring flaw:

I really like who I am, I like my life EXCEPT for one point. I don't like the fact that I am completely without female companionship at the moment. I've had gfs and I'm not a virgin or anything. But I get lonely a decent amount.

The fact that you have had girlfriends in the past and are not a virgin in spite of how you conduct yourself indicates to me that you are probably quite intrinsically attractive. Put in a little work and who knows what you might achieve.

Actually, this was more posted because of my frustration of being outnumbered in people I know by the vast majority of people who do smoke or drink or do drugs.

I have some sobering news for you. Lots of geeks drink and do drugs... and we're still geeks. So that's neither here nor there.

As a side note, I just found out one of my coworkers during the day who leaves about an hour after I get in each day is actually a gamer. I was talking to her about games and such. Found out that she thinks that D&D is a game for powergamers and hack and slashers and can only be used for that purpose and doesn't really like it. She plays Vampire: TM, only in LARP form though. She plays Rifts and WoW. Of course, she probably fits the "gamer" stereotype as well. She was overweight, mid 20s, glasses, hairy arms. I didn't think she looked bad, mind you, I have different sensibilities than most people.

So, you do care about people's appearance but because your tastes are different and, probably, broader, you think that they are superior to other people's. So, you think people should be indifferent to your appearance but you aren't indifferent to theirs. What a double standard!

But, still, I'm kind of a hack and slasher myself, and I have a feeling if we talked too much we'd probably end up hating each other anyways. Sometimes the LARP/table top, Hack and Slash/Roleplayer prejudice is almost worse than the non-gamer prejudice for us.

You are lying. You don't believe this nonsense you've just typed. This is just another one of your pity collecting win-win dilemmas. You are attracted to this woman and want to approach her. In fact, you're fantasizing right now about having a fight with her about gaming styles and how cool it would be to be in a relationship in which you could do that.

You want us to exhort you to approach this woman. Either we will succeed and make you do something you're scared to do but want to OR you will win the argument and get the thrill of victory and self-pity that comes from convincing us you're a hopeless geek. You're transparent. You're not fooling anybody.

I also think the second point is, that I have no idea how a stereotype that's probably as old as I am manages to fit me so closely despite no effort on my part to fit into that stereotype. I am who I am, I've always been this way. I guess I'm just looking for a reason why the stereotype exists. I assume it must mean that a significant number of gamers fit the stereotype. The question is why? Why are all these people all over the place all similar in appearance and attitude.

Here's why:

As with anything else, people have various levels of inherent ability at social skills. For some people, socializing comes naturally; for others, it does not. People who are not very socially talented have just as much need for human companionship as people who are very socially talented. So, they look for activities and communities in which they can function with very little social intuition. Gaming is ideal because the rules structure your interactions. Unlike a regular party where you're nervously wondering what an appropriate thing would be to say and whom to say it to, you can always know what to say next in a D&D game because it is a structured interpersonal interaction.

Most people acquire their geek identity in high school; it's a place where your level of latent social talent determines what social groups you can become part of. If you have a low level of social talent, there aren't that many groups where you can fit in. Being a gaming geek is one of the very few that has a culture that accommodates you. It is in these groups that you pick up your tastes of sci-fi and slogan t-shirts because that's affirming of your identity and allows you to recognize one another.

 

[Seeten]

*Chuckle* You go Fusangite.

Social skills for teh win.

 

[JesterPoet]

My 20's were phenomenal. Highschool sucked for me

Ditto.

And, as a side note...

It isn't just the smell that is a problem if you don't shower. The greasy hair is nasty too. Nobody wants to see that.

Take the time to take a shower.

 

[Seeten]

Everyone here on ENWorld seems fairly intelligent. Honestly. Social interaction takes just a bit of experience. All you need to do is study, pay attention, and learn. Watch how others do it. People who ooze personal charisma can pull off more, but reasonable social interaction can be done even by those who are painfully shy. My father is a great example. He was so shy, he didnt like talking to his parents. He worked at it. By the time he was 35, he was president of public groups. He still felt awkward, but only HE knew that.

I got my mothers personal charisma. Lucky me. I was at home everywhere I went, and with any group, but I still worked at it. I worked to understand social dynamics, the underlying structure, why people reacted in certain ways to certain things. I can, and do, predict actions and reactions before they happen. I have my wife convinced to this day that I can read her mind. I can always tell her what she's thinking. Its just a matter of paying attention to all the little things. Anyone can do it, not just someone with high social skills. Social skills are learned, as well as inherited. I think everyone should make an effort, as it makes everyone happier, far as I can tell. Adults dont tend to marginalize as quickly, either, so you'll find not only do your skills grow, but others care less about superficial nonsense.

Take showers. Pay attention. Pretend you care about what others have to say, even if you dont. In return, they'll pretend to care about what you say. Eventually, you'll find a woman perfect for you, and you'll be in your kluge-vana.

 

[Inconsequenti-AL]

I've no desire to pigeonhole myself into some geek stereotype, so I don't do it. Love gaming and it's my main hobby, but IMO there's tons of other interesting stuff out there. I enjoy giving new stuff a go. Never know what you might like.*

On the flip side, I've got some friends who revel in their geek stereotypes and they're happy with it.

Guess that's the important bit - whatever makes you happy with the way your life is?

I'm through beating my head against a wall trying to convice people that showering and not looking like twat will get them further in life, while listening to them play off their personality flaws as points of pride.

Though I figure those could be a bonus in some situations. I've turned up clean, with short hair and in a suit to some IT job interviews. Managed not to rant or spit at any of the interviewers. Reckon I got an extra grilling about my qualifications for it.


* - I'd say there's some things you shouldn't try, but I'm not going into details.

 

[TiQuinn]

Since when did taking a shower become optional? Or a lifestyle choice that "defines" someone? Majoru, have you ever considered it's a common frickin courtesy to others that you bathe before you interact with people? Seriously, if you want to make that the thing that defines who you are, don't gripe about how chicks aren't into you.