Great barbarian quotes

[Endur]

Groo

My younger brother used to roleplay Groo in our D&D campaign (back in 1e). Groo had 18/00 str, 18 con, 18 dex, 3 int, 3 wis, 3 chr. The perfect barbarian.

Groo even had his own critical and fumble charts. Fumbles were bad news for Groo's allies (typical fumble was a critical hit on an ally).

Tom

 

[NewJeffCT]

Well, I can say the most inappropriate thing ever said by a barbarian in game happened a few months ago in our game. All of our PCs were human. We were in the Kalamar setting in the land of Reannaria. In this part of the world, humans are much below the average heightwise – even males average a little over 5 feet tall. However, one guy convinced the DM to be a barbarian outlander of Chaotic Good alignment. Since we were playing by the book, he rolled HUGE on the height and weight chart. I think his human barbarian was like 6’10” and over 300 pounds.

We were going through the town square during a holiday. This barbarian rolls high on his spot check and notices a little 8 year old girl stealing his coin pouch from his belt. Rather than laugh it off (he only had a few silver in there) or grab her himself, he called out in a crowded square, "Guard, she grabbed my pouch!!"

We sat there in stunned silence and just started cracking up.

 

[Rackhir]

"Gorge, guzzle, and wench, for tomorrow we get gutted!"

Then a wench's husband caught up with him while he was gorged and guzzled, and he got gutted.

Don't remember where I read it, but it's a good one...

It's from the third Xanth novel by Piers Anthony, Castle Roogna. The main char had the ability to make items talk to him (great source of information) and the above quote was from a sword, about the father of the real owner of the body he was inhabiting. IIRC, though I believe the phrasing was slightly different.

 

[Kilmore]

Hate to add to a hijack, but I had the opportunity to hear the creator of Lodoss Wars, Ryo Mizuno, speak in Chicago a couple of years ago.

Actually, Pirotess was created by the animators for the anime, and Mizuno ended up writing her into the books. Kinda like how Harley Quinn ended up in the Batman mythos.

 

[Kilmore]

Re: Groo

My younger brother used to roleplay Groo in our D&D campaign (back in 1e). Groo had 18/00 str, 18 con, 18 dex, 3 int, 3 wis, 3 chr. The perfect barbarian.

Groo even had his own critical and fumble charts. Fumbles were bad news for Groo's allies (typical fumble was a critical hit on an ally).

Tom

I think we all knew a Groo in first ed.

 

[blackshirt5]

Well, I can say the most inappropriate thing ever said by a barbarian in game happened a few months ago in our game. All of our PCs were human. We were in the Kalamar setting in the land of Reannaria. In this part of the world, humans are much below the average heightwise – even males average a little over 5 feet tall. However, one guy convinced the DM to be a barbarian outlander of Chaotic Good alignment. Since we were playing by the book, he rolled HUGE on the height and weight chart. I think his human barbarian was like 6’10” and over 300 pounds.

We were going through the town square during a holiday. This barbarian rolls high on his spot check and notices a little 8 year old girl stealing his coin pouch from his belt. Rather than laugh it off (he only had a few silver in there) or grab her himself, he called out in a crowded square, "Guard, she grabbed my pouch!!"

We sat there in stunned silence and just started cracking up.

Simply amazing. Angcuru, you should have quotes like this to go with your obcene names.

 

[blackshirt5]

And for sheer insanity with the barbarian's, let me never forget(as hard as I may try) the Dwarven Barbarian Jug Band, from a first edition game. Jug Band walked around pantless(did I mention that he was half man, half woman?), proudly screaming his name for all to hear. Until an old woman threw a pot of boiling water on his crotch. At which point, Jug Band beat her to death, dismembered her(it was around Halloween, and we had gone for a haunted hayride), put her up in various parts of the woods, and then would abduct people, throw them, bound, into the back of his cart, climb up, turn around, and proudly say, "Welcome to the Jug Band Hayride!"

I still shudder when I think of that character.

 

[Angcuru]

Damn you blackshirt!

Just because I make an doppleganger character named Pholus, you have to immediately assume that the name is connected with PHALLUS. A Phallus is not a dong, you ass, but a symbol/expression of masculinity, I.E. a souped-up racecar could be phallic.

BLACKSHIRT HAS A DIRTY MIND! BACK AWAY WHILE YE STILL CAN!

 

[Angcuru]

OOGA-CHAKA! OOGA CHAKA! OOOOO-GAAAA-CHAKA!!! - Barbarian with 20 int, and 18 ranks in bluff.

 

[Gog]

First the set up -

It was a Living City game and we had just killed some kind of
monsters (can't remember what) that had gotten into a tavern and killed and started to eat the people there.

Now the delivery

DM - "A older woman runs up to your group out side the tavern "Please tell me was my husband in there, he said he was headed to the tavern about an hour ago"

Me playing my Hal-Orc Barb "Don't know what he look like gnawed on"

The whole table kinda looked at me funny the rest of the game.