Dragonblade
Adventurer
I think I know "Gary"! I sent you a PM. I wonder if its the same guy...
Great DM, crappy friend vs. good friend, crappy DM
- Thread starter awesomeocalypse
- Start date
TheAuldGrump
First Post
Hmmm, first off - I agree, boot Gary. If I had a family member in the hospital I wouldn't show up either. So off with him. (The first game I ever DMed, back in '76, I ran because we booted the previous DM., For some reason it never occurred to him that we might decide that he and his best buddy were not essential.)
Ted... is another matter. My first question is how high a level the game is? An inexperienced or casual DM can get hamstrung at even moderate levels. It is possible that he is all at sea.
Does he actually enjoy DMing? If planning is not part of your fun then you aren't going to put as much time in the game as you might require.
DMing takes work, some folks enjoy the exercise, others don't.
The Auld Grump
Ted... is another matter. My first question is how high a level the game is? An inexperienced or casual DM can get hamstrung at even moderate levels. It is possible that he is all at sea.
Does he actually enjoy DMing? If planning is not part of your fun then you aren't going to put as much time in the game as you might require.
DMing takes work, some folks enjoy the exercise, others don't.
The Auld Grump
Starfox
Hero
I'm feeling kind of sad for Gary, it seems he would really need a friend. If the game was his life, as you suggest, he basically has no life at all now. He seriously needs a good talk, maybe even to rant, and he might become much better for it. Are you 100% sure he saw your side of things, for example? He might be nurturing the idea that you all abandoned him for no reason at all. Its probably too late for one of you guys to talk to him, but if you know any of the friends he still might have, you might ask them to act as go-betweens. His side of the story might not be interesting to you, really, but if he gets to tell it to anyone at all, he might bounce back.
Or maybe he still has a group, only you guys are not in it? In which case, ignore what I wrote above.
Have you discussed Ted's enjoyment of the game with Ted? You say you have the feeling he's doing things by rote. If he is, he shouldn't be greatly offended if you tactfully say he's not doing a very good job and might be willing to discuss changes. Of course, he might also decide its not worth it and you might lose your second game.
Or maybe he still has a group, only you guys are not in it? In which case, ignore what I wrote above.
Have you discussed Ted's enjoyment of the game with Ted? You say you have the feeling he's doing things by rote. If he is, he shouldn't be greatly offended if you tactfully say he's not doing a very good job and might be willing to discuss changes. Of course, he might also decide its not worth it and you might lose your second game.
Windjammer
Adventurer
To the OP: I think you're under a misapprehension. What makes a great DM always already includes social skills. The DM is the one to accomodate the varying personalities and play styles around the table and see that they can all have their place. He's the social fulcrum of it all, and must be intent on making the experience enjoyable for the whole group from a social point of view.
You shouldn't be sad to leave Gary behind. For all his outstanding skills in some departments, he lacks what makes a great DM. Only great people can make great gamers, and no amount of money you'd pay Gary to "be a nice person" will ever change that.
You shouldn't be sad to leave Gary behind. For all his outstanding skills in some departments, he lacks what makes a great DM. Only great people can make great gamers, and no amount of money you'd pay Gary to "be a nice person" will ever change that.
Tallifer
Hero
How long does it take to visit someone in the hospital. An hour or two with travel? And then go see her the next day and the next. I would not ditch a whole day's gaming. The doctor can take better care of her than I can, and my mother can imagine horrible consequences more easily. If I were in the hospital and my friend told me, "Hey. I skipped my D&D to visit you." I woudl tell him, "Moron. Do I look like I was going anywhere?" Call my alignment Neutral Gamer.
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I keep trying to come up with something to answer this but I think this is one of those rare moments that I'm actually speechless.
Although I think 'whoa' sums it up nicely.
Forget Gary. He's not going to change. You say he's an 'older' guy, so I doubt he's going to see the error of his ways and make an effort to change himself for you. That boat has sailed, a long time ago.
If I was you, I'd gather the best of the group and sit them down and hash it all out between you. Find out what you all want out of a game and find a way to make that happen. Maybe it's a simple matter of new blood, or maybe you just have to settle for quality over quantity and accept that 50% less gaming is better than 100% sucky gaming.
Whatever you do, though, don't invite Gary.
If I was you, I'd gather the best of the group and sit them down and hash it all out between you. Find out what you all want out of a game and find a way to make that happen. Maybe it's a simple matter of new blood, or maybe you just have to settle for quality over quantity and accept that 50% less gaming is better than 100% sucky gaming.
Whatever you do, though, don't invite Gary.
I don't know if the answer was that bad. As an ICU nurse, I work with a lot of patients that just wish people would go home and leave them alone. A short visit is wonderful. But after a while, the patient is calling me to see if I can get the family to go. I can't count the number of times visitors have left and the patient gasped at me: "Finally!"
They gasp because they're on the edge of death and even then, they'd like to be alone... please... so they can rest which we don't allow in hospitals. Which brings up a "funny" story. Patient asked me, "how come you are always coming in and waking me up by doing things." My reply: "If all you needed was sleep, you could do that at home. You're in the ICU because you need someone messin' with you 24/7 (medications, treatment, monitoring, etc.)."
Anyway, come visit: YES! Patients need to know someone cares, but don't overstay your welcome. However, if it's a loved one, I'd miss the game simply because I'd be worrying too much about the hospitalized to have fun and my not-having-funnitude might bring others down aroud me and ruin their fun. It is, afterall, only a game.
Another possibility is to run Ted's campaign half as often on sundays. The off-weeks, play munchkin, Settlers of Catan, or something else. Another possibility is to have the other non-you or non-Ted players run a simple adventure those weeks.
It would give Ted a break, and allow him more time to work on his campaign.
Also, in the same vein, ask Ted if he needs help prepping. Or ask him if he minds a debrief/summary after the fact in what he did good, what he did poorly.
It would give Ted a break, and allow him more time to work on his campaign.
Also, in the same vein, ask Ted if he needs help prepping. Or ask him if he minds a debrief/summary after the fact in what he did good, what he did poorly.
billd91
Not your screen monkey (he/him) 🇺🇦🇵🇸🏳️⚧️
If it was something as simple as an attack of gallstones, fix of a hernia, knee replacement, you may have a point. But sister in a car accident and in serious condition? Orders of magnitude more significant. It's not even just visiting in the hospital, but also supporting other worried family members by just being there for them.
So, yeah, Gary made a terrible call and his players made the right one by treating it as the last straw and leaving.
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