How do I get a combat-heavy player interested in ROLE playing?!

[apoptosis]

I agree with everyone that you need to simply talk about this with her.

However, I will ask this: Is it combat she's interested in, or simply engaging with the system?

One of the guys in my group jokes about he hates "dinner theater". That is, the typical (and stupid) "role"/"roll" dichotomy in traditional RPGs where any scene that does not involve combat is one where we all totally ignore the rules and just free-form play-act. He calls that "dinner theater", and he hates it. So, he avoids it at all costs and just likes to start fights. Because fights let him play the game instead of talking at length in funny accents.

I.e., maybe she hates hanging out in the village because, as is common, that's the part of the game where people yak-yak-yak, haggle over the cost of barding, etc. You know, the boring stuff where no one rolls any dice.

So, I would find out if it's that she loves combat, or that she hates free-form play-acting. Given that she has no interest in min-maxing or, it seems, tactics, I have to wonder if this is the issue. She likes combat, because combat is where the system is getting used, and her input is getting validated.

If so, I would try throwing some skill challenges her way, or even try some RPGs that have story-focused mechanics, e.g., The Shadow of Yesterday, Burning Wheel, Hero's Banner, etc.

Or, if she just loves the combat, let her love it and don't force her to participate in aspects of the game she dislikes.

Very insightful post.

 

[rowport]

First off, I should note that I would consider myself to have much the same preference that your wife seems to have. And, FWIW, I found the tone of your thread title to be borderline offensive-- it smacks of saying that not doing it your way is doing it the wrong way-- so maybe that attitude bugs her, also. Since she is your wife, she might put up with it, but why not focus on what she likes, instead?

I think you have accept her favoring of combat over conversation. Since she isn't powerplaying, it is a very good sign and shows that she is interested in the action scenes of your adventures. And players always have different likings so you should focus the roleplaying on the other players of the group that find it more fun.

That said, I really think you should encourage her to ROLEPLAY IN COMBAT. Ask her how she swings her weapon/conjure her spell, let her say battlecries and cheesy one-liners, and describe flavorfully how her blade cuts off the limbs off her opponents/her conjured fires burns them to piles of ashes.

Johnnii has the right of it, here. I used to *refuse* to "role play" in the sense that you seem to mean it. I was put off by the funny accents and talking in character. I enjoyed *thinking* about how my character looked, acted and fought (!) but not *acting* that way. Then, a friend suggested doing what Johnnii did, and I found I liked doing that a lot. In fact, I now use little catch phrases, battle cries, and even occasional props (like shaking beads when my Aztec-influenced cleric cast his spells). In that way, the *style* of the character comes through in association with the combat, which seems like the most fun part of the game for your player.

Another great feature of 4e that might suit her playstyle is using Skill Challenges. Just like combat, there are rolls involved, and she can describe her approach rather than acting it out if she is not comfortable with doing so. That way she can be involved in the social encounters without feeling like she is doing dinner theater.

BTW, while the implication that not doing "ROLE playing" is *wrong* bugs me, I am encouraged that you asked for ways to get her involved. Good luck!

 

[rowport]

I agree with everyone that you need to simply talk about this with her.

However, I will ask this: Is it combat she's interested in, or simply engaging with the system?

One of the guys in my group jokes about he hates "dinner theater". That is, the typical (and stupid) "role"/"roll" dichotomy in traditional RPGs where any scene that does not involve combat is one where we all totally ignore the rules and just free-form play-act. He calls that "dinner theater", and he hates it. So, he avoids it at all costs and just likes to start fights. Because fights let him play the game instead of talking at length in funny accents.

I.e., maybe she hates hanging out in the village because, as is common, that's the part of the game where people yak-yak-yak, haggle over the cost of barding, etc. You know, the boring stuff where no one rolls any dice.

So, I would find out if it's that she loves combat, or that she hates free-form play-acting. Given that she has no interest in min-maxing or, it seems, tactics, I have to wonder if this is the issue. She likes combat, because combat is where the system is getting used, and her input is getting validated.

If so, I would try throwing some skill challenges her way, or even try some RPGs that have story-focused mechanics, e.g., The Shadow of Yesterday, Burning Wheel, Hero's Banner, etc.

Or, if she just loves the combat, let her love it and don't force her to participate in aspects of the game she dislikes.

LOL Freakin' awesome. Buzz is the player that suggested the roleplay in combat but that I referenced in my post above, and I would bet anything that I am the player that he described above citing "dinner theater." The point here is that different folks like different aspects of the game; if you play to those interests you may find they bring different strengths to your game table for the better fun of all!

 

[Umbran]

Just remember we're discussing an adult here. Some people don't take well to the "How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" bit. Some people would react "I'm not a child. I can make up my own mind without you assuming I don't know what I'm talking about. Please respect my decision."

True. Presentation is important, and there is no cause to make this confrontational. One doesn't have to approach it head-on with that particular phrasing.

However, as I've mentioned, this may not have been a conscious decision, but instead a default behavior that developed due to particular types of exposure that got generalized when it may not have had too.

Something more collaborative, "Honey, I've got a plot idea for the game coming up, and to make it work, I'll need a bit of help from you...." could do the exact same job without bruising an ego.

Sometimes, all you have to do is lead the horse to water, and they'll drink all on their own - you just have to know what kind of water they like.

 

[Delta]

This is partially true - it holds if and only if they've actually tried it before. How many times have people said, "I don't like sushi," without ever actually having tried it, or when the only sushi they've ever had was bad sushi?

The DM should not consistently force a player to do things they don't like, but the occasional request to try something different just to see how it might go is not unreasonable.

Frequently, the issue isn't the activity per se, but how it was presented or introduced, that is the problem.

I'll have to disagree. She's already got in-character players all around her, it's already been presented to her that some people enjoy it.

My thoughts are (a) any more work on my part or her part is not worth it on the part of a recreational activity, and (b) every case I've dealt with this before has ultimately left the game, and only had interest re-sparked by a different (no in-character-voice) playstyle.

So the answer seems obvious to me, and has been borne out over years in several case studies. People like what they like.

 

[Ourph]

Something more collaborative, "Honey, I've got a plot idea for the game coming up, and to make it work, I'll need a bit of help from you...." could do the exact same job without bruising an ego.

This smacks to me of the DM giving the player an assignment they have to complete before they're allowed to get to the fun part. As a player, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that I've got to earn my right to have fun with the combat part of the game by "playing the right way" through the DM's chit-chat sessions.

Sometimes, all you have to do is lead the horse to water, and they'll drink all on their own - you just have to know what kind of water they like.

Sounds like the OP's wife like's the combat-flavored water.

 

[thundershot]

My wife doesn't get into the roleplaying as much as the others. She does look forward to combat though, so she can show off her strengths. Everyone is different... Let her play to her own strengths.



Chris

 

[Rackhir]

One thing that might help is if you do some of the RPing out of session. Say on a web board, in email or something like that. Not everyone is good at working in real time and the ability to edit and refine what a character is saying or how they react may give them a lot more freedom to come up with responses that they are happy with.

 

[blargney the second]

That's funny, I've got the exact same thing going on with my girlfriend!

There's a mechanical hook that you might be able to use to encourage her to engage in dialogue: languages. It happened for me completely by accident - a creature said something in a language, and it turned out she was the only who could speak with it. Just keep it light and don't force it on her.
-blarg

 

[howandwhy99]

You don't.

Wow. Right in one.

Your player is role-playing. They are just role-playing out their character's fighting more than their talking. No biggie. I assume he is enjoying this? And that this enjoyment isn't disrupting the game for other players?

So let 'em all enjoy the game as they wish.

(But, of course, put plenty of everything in the world, so they remember there's no limit on choosing how their characters act. Besides Table Rules of good taste.)