D&D 5E How do you define “mother may I” in relation to D&D 5E?

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This is why I don't think we should ever take the rule zero type of caveats as expectations. They're not meant to support crappy GMing or bad decisions, or the GM maintaining their prep over some curve the players have taken. They're meant to deal with edge cases that the rules don't really allow for.

Yeah, I think all too often people take the usually-necessary tool of "Okay, this is off in Here Be Dragons land rules-wise, so we're going to do this" and apply it to "As a GM I find this inconvenient on various grounds so I'm just going to blow off what the rules actually say". They really aren't the same thing.
 

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This is confusing. Aren't we mostly using MMI as a criticism? Whether of a specific instance of bad GMing or as a flaw of a system that tends toward instances of MMI, we're treating it (in this thread) as a thing to be avoided. (The different question earlier was whether the phrase "Mother May I" is pejorative, which is less interesting to me).

The issue is if it is a criticism, and it is to be avoided, but it is being defined so broadly that many posters are essentially saying it is any system where the GM has the powers frequently ascribed to them (fiat, rule zero, final say, etc), it does then not seem a very useful descriptor because you are effectively saying any style over this line is this very bad thing that is to be avoided and we are calling mother may I, and over this line just happens to be a large swath of how people play and enjoy the game (and large swath of editions and GM advice in the system itself). Again, if it is a more narrow criticism, where the players are essentially expressing frustration that play has devolved into mother may I, I think there is at least a productive conversation that can be had there (what expectations players have, what types of GMing principles or systems those players might enjoy).
 

Yeah, I think all too often people take the usually-necessary tool of "Okay, this is off in Here Be Dragons land rules-wise, so we're going to do this" and apply it to "As a GM I find this inconvenient on various grounds so I'm just going to blow off what the rules actually say". They really aren't the same thing.
Sounds like you are trying to say what I’ve been saying the whole thread, there are certain grounds where the DM should go against the rules and certain grounds where they shouldn’t. You provided 1 good example in your post above. IMO.

I doubt we all will agree on what precisely those grounds are, but no one is arguing the DM should on a whim ignore the rules. There should be a good reason, often based on the fiction not aligning to genre/setting expectations due to the game mechanics producing fiction against those expectations in this situation. But possibly also around game expectations - 3 of my 5 players are getting bored due to their being no combat this session, should the dm here do anything to help combat occur, after all it is his players happiness he’s interested in?
 


So I broke up the below sentences to try and help highlight what I'm saying.

A player encountering a complication doesn't step into Mother May I territory.

Agreed.

Only in D&D the mechanic is DM decides, rather than another way.

Yes, this is the point. It's not complications that make something Mother May I. It's how the complications are determined.

If the player gets to declare something, it's not going to be called Mother May I.

If the system (rules and dice) determines the outcome, then it's not going to be called Mother May I.

If teh GM decides, then it may. It may not... I'm not saying this must be so. But this has to be present for Mother May I to even be possible.

To bring in the other post, if it's raining is another example of a DM complication entering the mix and another example of world building. Whether you are in a barren wasteland would presumably have been known before the PC ever tried to light a fire, and probably involved choices on their part to get there(assuming you aren't playing Dark Sun or something). And prankful pixies would be an encounter, which is a different beast entirely.

How are these things determined? There are different methods, for sure.

The more of these decisions that are just put into the GM's hands, the more likely Mother May I will be a concern.


The point was that players will uncommonly ask for exceptions to be made, both before and during games, though more so before hand, at least in my experience. Those are the real Q&A situations that I see happening, not the world building that occurs and the players interact with.

Players may ask for exceptions, yes, but that was not my point. My point is that standard requests that players may make are just as subject to this "GM head game" as the exceptions are.

I'm thinking again of combat and spell use. GM judgment generally doesn't come into these, except perhaps at the design stage. But when the player declares their action, the GM simply applies the rules and we know what happens.

Aside from combat and spells, there is very little of this in 5E.

Again, I'm not asking because I'm saying "GM judgment is bad" or anything like that. It's just that SO MUCH of the game boils down to GM judgment. The more it does, the more likely this may be a concern.
 

My take on how to define MMI.

MMI is the feeling that you cannot accomplish ‘anything (or nearly anything)’ without the DM’s permission. There are many causes for this feeling, many of which can already be described by other negative game terms (ex: railroading).

As a feeling MMI is subjective and so different people will experience it in different circumstances. Some games may even be more prone to having circumstances that more people will experience as MMI than other games. Also, some people will be more prone to feeling MMI than others.
 

Yeah, I think all too often people take the usually-necessary tool of "Okay, this is off in Here Be Dragons land rules-wise, so we're going to do this" and apply it to "As a GM I find this inconvenient on various grounds so I'm just going to blow off what the rules actually say". They really aren't the same thing.
Similarly to "It's what my character would do," it can be a decent explanation, but usually makes a bad defense.
 

Player has a 17 Strength, but needs to jump a 20' wide chasm. Rules say you can jump farther by making an Athletics check, but gives no DC's.

DM A says: "you can make the jump with a DC 5 Athletics check."

DM B says: "....DC 15 Athletics check."

DM C says: "....DC 25 Athletics check."

DM D says: "It's impossible, you're wearing full plate armor and have 100 lbs. of gear."

None of these DM's are wrong, by the rules. Each of these rulings is equally supported.

The fact that a person's experience with 5e has so much table variance never felt like a good thing to me, since it means if you play under multiple DM's, you can never really know what to expect.
 

I think some of this is not going to be something we can bridge the disagreement on. I don't think the GM being final arbiter, or the GM invoking their power as final arbiter, equals mother may I. But this is also largely a disagreement over terminology.

Perhaps not. I don't think we're disagreeing as strongly as it may seem, but I do think there's one or two sticking points that seem relevant.

So let me say that I see a difference between "Final Arbiter" and "rule zero". One means that when the rules are somehow unclear, the GM is the one to make the final call. The other says that the GM may ignore or alter rules as they see fit (usually with some reference about addressing something unclear in the rules and so on, but often invoked in online discussion without that expectation).

Perhaps that helps bridge the gap?

But I would say rule zero existing, doesn't mean it gets used in every instance. In most instances you are going to swing and roll the expected die. But rule zero is there because the game recognizes that human judgement needs to step in once in a while to make the system run smoothly

Yeah, I agree. But my point is that the rules will often tell us exactly what we need to know. In those instances, the GM's judgment is not needed, and I'd say may also be intrusive.

The idea of a GM interposing in some way when the rules are perfectly clear.... that's what I don't think is good. Why is the GM doing that? Most often because the rules or process isn't as clear as it could be. Not the GM's fault really, but the more a game is uncertain like this and expects the GM to step in, the more you have one person making all the decisions about how play goes.

Now, a big part of what would help this be less necessary would be clearer rules. Clearly stated principles of GMing and playing. Discussion and consensus. Things like that. But absent those things, we're looking at a game that just eschews all of that and places all of it entirely in the hands of the GM.

Sure. I would agree they are largely meant for edge cases. And definitely agree they aren't meant to support crappy GMing. I think the point is though I can see many instances where the Rustic ability would become an edge case because it assumes so much in terms of what is present, what is going on, what is in the setting, and that could conflict with what has happened or what the GM has prepared/developed for the setting. I'm not saying this is what happened in your case, I can just see that being a potential thing that would happen with this ability.

The Rustic Hospitality ability doesn't really assume anything on its own during play. We may say that when the character is created and the Folk Hero background is selected, some assumptions are made. But once play gets moving, it's pretty conditional, and the GM will have a big say if common folk are present in a given area or scene.

I think that my thing with the Rustic Hospitality and similar abilities is I don't get the concern. So the player has the ability to, under some pretty specific circumstances, just say "This is true... these people will feed and shelter us at no cost because I'm beloved by the people". Why resist that as a GM? What's the concern in that situation that we feel the need to maintain some kind of GM veto over it?

I don't mean to imply that you are doing this @Bedrockgames but it's a sentiment that seems to have been expressed a lot over the discussion, and you seem to be leaning that way.

Like, what makes it an edge case?


I will say whether rule zero applies to edge cases can vary to a degree. If you have players who like to attempt a lot of unorthodox things in combat, and the system doesn't feel like it is fairly adjudicating that (which I often find to the the case), you will find yourself invoking rule zero more (and usually not to hinder the players but to help them achieve what it is they are trying to do). For example if a player says something wierd like he wants to leap down on the toad demon and pour acid down its throat, I am probably going to handle that differently than a simple attack and damage roll (definitely the roll for damage if this succeeds is going to be much higher, but I might also make it come with greater risk), and I might tweak how I handle movement or any relevant physical skill roll in that situation if the system just doesn't fit what we are all imagining. Now personally, if I do this, I usually will explain to the player what steps I want to do instead of the normal ones, why, and also explain if there is greater risk and why (and if there is greater reward). I'll also let them opt for a standard attack roll and damage if they want. I just like that kind of clarity around expectations and I want everyone to feel good about the rulings I am making. But I have had players who were particularly inventive and cinematic where that came up frequently.

Yeah, these kinds of rulings are a bit different than what I'm talking about. trying to find a way to let the player do what they want within the rules is pretty much the opposite. But again, even with uncertain things like this, combat is so well covered that there are a lot of things the GM can lean on here to help guide them on how to adjudicate things.
 

The fact that a person's experience with 5e has so much table variance never felt like a good thing to me, since it means if you play under multiple DM's, you can never really know what to expect.
But you need to understand this is very subjective. I personally found the skills overly engineered in 3rd edition for example. And much prefer something like above where the GM is able to go by what feels right or what the group feels is right. Often those listed DCs became straight jackets in my opinion (and often the book DCs felt much too high and much too rigid). Again I can't speak to how 5E specifically addresses this, but when I was talking about how refreshing it was going to white box and seeing a one paragraph entry for a spell without clearly defined parameters, that is exactly the sort of thing I had in mind. Now it isn't for everyone. And even for me, it isn't for every campaign (some campaigns I want a system with things like more engineered DCs). But I do see why they may have reversed course on the complexity of these things if they did so
 

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