D&D General How to be a Not-Terrible DM: Thoughts on the Upcoming DMG

[EzekielRaiden]

I think when you have contested style debates on these threads, let's be honest, most people probably are seeing red flags on the other side. That might just have more to do with the intensity of the argument than anything else. Also people stake out positions in threads and box themselves into corners. Most people probably aren't as rigid as they appear in these conversations, but by the nature of a forum thread, consistency is the main thing people get called out on (i.e. if you say you believe in A once in the thread, you are almost nailed to it, even if you sometimes A but also B and occasionally C).

Perhaps. All I can say is that I've seen, across three different forums, a particularly noteworthy preference among those who loudly and proudly speak of "DM empowerment" (especially anyone who uses the phrase "player entitlement" earnestly) for ban-this, ban-that, ban-everything; "my way or the highway"; DMs having "absolute power" (yes, this is an exact quote from multiple different users on this very forum, whom I explicitly and repeatedly questioned and tried to get even the smallest concession out of); quite cavalier attitudes about fudging; and various other massive red flags. Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the defense of all of this is, "Well, don't you trust your DM?" Simultaneously besmirching the character of anyone who questions it and conveniently ignoring the fact that it is this precise demand for absolute power and zero accountability that would lead me to be distrustful in the first place!

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Also tone of voice isn't carried well. I think a lot of what happens in threads is people crossing wires because aren't necessarily sharing a post in our head the way the person meant it to sound (we only have text, and if you already think that guy is an optimizing bozo, then you are probably inclined to read his post with less charity). People often think I am a jerk, but that is because they don't hear the way I speak. If you imagine me posting in the voice of Christopher Walken, I come off much better

I know what you mean. People sometimes think I am a jerk... and I think ... sometimes?

 

[Bedrockgames]

Perhaps. All I can say is that I've seen, across three different forums, a particularly noteworthy preference among those who loudly and proudly speak of "DM empowerment" (especially anyone who uses the phrase "player entitlement" earnestly) for ban-this, ban-that, ban-everything; "my way or the highway"; DMs having "absolute power" (yes, this is an exact quote from multiple different users on this very forum, whom I explicitly and repeatedly questioned and tried to get even the smallest concession out of); quite cavalier attitudes about fudging; and various other massive red flags. Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the defense of all of this is, "Well, don't you trust your DM?" Simultaneously besmirching the character of anyone who questions it and conveniently ignoring the fact that it is this precise demand for absolute power and zero accountability that would lead me to be distrustful in the first place!

The issue of how much power a GM should have, is always going to provoke that kind of divide because so much of the game can pivot around it. But having been in those discussions, my honest take is usually neither side has much interest in understanding the other side and they tend to see it more as a zero sum game fight over style preference

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

The issue of how much power a GM should have, is always going to provoke that kind of divide because so much of the game can pivot around it. But having been in those discussions, my honest take is usually neither side has much interest in understanding the other side and they tend to see it more as a zero sum game fight over style preference

Most people assume that everyone is playing their playstyle in good faith, but can imagine a parade of horribles involving bad faith playstyle when it comes to what other people enjoy playing.

 

[Scott Christian]

You can have baseline of bad advice, but I think most of us learned through trial and error what really works, versus what sounds good on a page or in a thread.

This is very well worded, as is the comedian analogy. One hit joke for one comedian is a cringe joke for another. Tables have a lot of variables, and those variables even change during a campaign. It's pretty difficult to come up with a specific piece of advice that helps across the board outside of generic advice like: be prepared, know the rules, remember to smile.

 

[bloodtide]

Perhaps. All I can say is that I've seen, across three different forums, a particularly noteworthy preference among those who loudly and proudly speak of "DM empowerment" (especially anyone who uses the phrase "player entitlement" earnestly) for ban-this, ban-that, ban-everything; "my way or the highway"; DMs having "absolute power" (yes, this is an exact quote from multiple different users on this very forum, whom I explicitly and repeatedly questioned and tried to get even the smallest concession out of); quite cavalier attitudes about fudging; and various other massive red flags. Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the defense of all of this is, "Well, don't you trust your DM?" Simultaneously besmirching the character of anyone who questions it and conveniently ignoring the fact that it is this precise demand for absolute power and zero accountability that would lead me to be distrustful in the first place!

Well, I'm A Highway DM...a high way full of Red Flags. Though this is all part of the plan to keep the players I don't want away.

Advice is hard. General advice is useless. Sure if a player acts up all the DM has to do is communicate and show respect...and...and....things will magically be fixed? Well....no, that is not how it works. It sounds nice.....but no.

And even more so a company....but many don't want to give the "hard harsh adult" type advice. A company wants their book page to shine with righteous light as the type says "show respect to all and all will be good with the roll of the D20". They want to avoid "just kick that dumb player out of your game" type of real advice.

Like a basic life lesson is to be strict and harsh....really it's the best way. Take the Showing Up on Time to the Game example. The game starts at a set date, place and time. Players that are good people show up on time: this is what good people do. There are "wishy washy middle of the road people" that might be a problem....but when they are told "be here on time or don't play", they will Amazingly Somehow "just become" good people (for a moment) and show up on time. It is amazing how people "just" to the right thing with the right encouragement.

The other side of the above is the mess of chaotic freedom. Most players just show up to the set game whenever they feel like it. And they always have an excuse. The DM does not care though and just says "whatever". So you have a game, short at least one or two players each week most of the time. So sure the DM and the one player that showed up can game, as they wait for the other players to....maybe...show up.

So to just set down the adult rule of "look just show up on time or quit the game" is the best for the game vs the chaotic mess of a couple players maybe showing up half the time.

 

[MichaelSomething]

And people wonder why the Mercer Effect is a thing???

 

[damiller]

So I had a couple of threads I thought I'd write this in, and this one seemed to fit best.

So I just got done listening to the podcast When We Were Wizards. If you aren't familiar its an oral history of TSR/D&D. Very good, highly recommend.

One thing I noticed that was before Gary, RPG was basically orally transmitted. Like Teacher and Apprentice. Gary came along and wrote it down. So that you could learn to play it without a teacher. And wow, it took off.

I've been wanting to start a gaming club at my local library. And I want to have a "class" after the game for anyone who wants to learn to run games. But I've noticed that everytime I try to prep the idea, I have "writers" block. I don't really want to stand at the front of the room and "lecture" (although no matter what, there would have to be some of that, you have to go over the rules of the game at least.)

And I think it is because I want to go back to the original way RPGs were transmitted. I think I want to play RPGs with prospective game runners, not to learn to be players, but to be GMs. Talk them through the process, model it for them, and provide feedback.

 

[MichaelSomething]

So I had a couple of threads I thought I'd write this in, and this one seemed to fit best.

So I just got done listening to the podcast When We Were Wizards. If you aren't familiar its an oral history of TSR/D&D. Very good, highly recommend.

One thing I noticed that was before Gary, RPG was basically orally transmitted. Like Teacher and Apprentice. Gary came along and wrote it down. So that you could learn to play it without a teacher. And wow, it took off.

I've been wanting to start a gaming club at my local library. And I want to have a "class" after the game for anyone who wants to learn to run games. But I've noticed that everytime I try to prep the idea, I have "writers" block. I don't really want to stand at the front of the room and "lecture" (although no matter what, there would have to be some of that, you have to go over the rules of the game at least.)

And I think it is because I want to go back to the original way RPGs were transmitted. I think I want to play RPGs with prospective game runners, not to learn to be players, but to be GMs. Talk them through the process, model it for them, and provide feedback.

So just give the players a pause sign they can use during a session. Whenever someone raises it, you pause the game and explain why you made a ruling in a particular fashion.

 

[Aldarc]

At one job I would tell new hires: The quickest way to learn to do this right is to do it wrong.

That's why you get XP for failed rolls in Dungeon World.