I Love Gaming but I Hate Gamers!

[Teflon Billy]

...That said, I've gamed with some really cool folks, too -- but they're the exception, not the rule. My modus oprandi now is to basically introduce those in my circle of friends who seem like they'd dig it to pen-and-paper, and usually they take to it like a duck to water. No weirdos required.

And there's the advice you need right there.

Don't accept any behaviour from gamers that you wouldn't accpet from anyone else. Our extended group of gamers (about 30-ish people all told) are cool people who I hang out with outside of gaming.

to quote EN World's own AlsiH2o..."If I don't want to have a beer with you, I don't want to game with you. Period."

And it's good advice. I know it's not a popular opinion around here, but in my experience, most gamers I've met at gaming functions (Conventions, Gaming Clubs etc) are Social Retards. I'm not tempted to invite them into my home as they smell bad, ogle my wife, can't shut up...I mean the list goes on and on.

So we grow our own gamers. Our weekly games are pretty much the defining social events of our peer group. If someone new is interested in playing and gets an ok from someone we know, they play a few games.

Sometimes one side or the other doesn't "click" for whatever reason and no problem.

Sometimes we get a new regular.

But honestly, if you don't appreciate racist jokes, and some guy in your game won't stop making them, well--it almost writes itself--don't game with that guy.

 

[Shellman]

From my experience,

I have tried a number of gaming groups and I personally feel that I can pretty much tell if I can play with the group within one or two sessions. The group I play with now has been together for about two years. Two of us have been gaming together for about 5 years now. I really like to game with these guys, even though I am the only one with a wife and kids. They are pretty understanding when it comes to family issues, but they also know that I love to play as much as they do and I make every possible game I can.

As far as age differences go, I am probably the oldest at 34 if not I am close. Everyone else in the group is at least 25. Anyway age aside, we all get along for the most part and we respect each other but we do have disagreements periodically like every other group of friends out there.

I was once very disrespected by one of the DM's in the group and I gave him notice (at an appropriate time), that if it ever happened again I was walking away from his game. The point is we had an issue, we addressed it and we moved on.

The last new group I tried, I played one session. Everyone in the group was 24 or under and drinking alcohol (including the DM). Niether the age or the drinking specifically bother me, but I got really tired of the f*** this and f*** that language. They argued more than they played and most of the group did not know many of the game mechanics of 3.5 compared to 3.0. This was supposed to be 3.5 game.

I am not a rules lawyer by any means, but I know how to play my character. The DM knew most of the material but did not correct the other players when they did something wrong mechanically. So when I tried to play my character (according to the game mechanics), I had to stop every time and prove basic rules out of the PHB 3.5 to the rest of the players (the DM just sat there and would tell them I am right). I had never been so tired after a game session. Needless to say, I never played with them again and I would probably walk away from any game with any of those four people playing in in the future.

I agree that it is hard to find a comfortable group to play with. My current group plays very well together (We don't go through very many players). I would say that if your looking for a new group don't get discouraged, the good groups are out there! Sometimes it just takes a bit more effort to make the connection. If you love to game as much as I do, keep your head up and keep looking, you will find a good group!

 

[fusangite]

You've pointed me to the dictionaries definition twice and explained that "mature" is the same thing as "old"...so "immature" means they are "young"? This whole time we've been talking about maturity and you've given numerous explanations about why you think gamers are mostly "immature"; you've really been saying that you think gamers are "young"? So when people say that they hate playing with immature gamers, they are saying that they hate playing with young gamers? I don't think so.

Please try to understand before one of us dies: gamers are less likely to act in age-appropriate ways than the population at large. Gamers, on average, act younger than they are.

If you honestly think that what I've been saying is the same thing as saying "bald people have as much hair as everyone else" then I don't think I need to continue this conversation with you

You are stating that children are no more likely to act like children than non-children are. What's the difference?

Either you are really confused, or you are trying too hard to make me look bad...

The third option is that you are making no sense and are stubbornly refusing to admit it.

I talk to them every day at work. I prefer to talk to people with common sense though.

And you find that intelligent, successful people are less likely to have common sense than society at large? How do you account for their success then?

I find that people who concentrate on being unnecessarily articulate usually lack common sense.

There's no such thing as "unnecessarily articulate"; if the big words sound dumb or out of context, the person using them isn't articulate. They're just a poser.

 

[Dragon-Slayer]

Being politically correct?

Mind you, I got a whole brunt of jokes like that at some point of my gaming lifespan while I was travelling in the U.S.A. I am Buddhist, Asian and gay. I hope I'm not speaking out of context.

Political Correctness is actually a misnomer. The PC movement is really social engineering. Yet I must ask, did you wear a t-shirt or what? I mean, really, I am from Idaho and I don't really see anyone giving you a bad time if you sat at my gaming table. I have gamed with people of all walks of life, backgrounds, colors, flavors, genders, etc and nobody was ridiculed. I tend to think if you were mocked it was due to making an angst ridden comment.

 

[Vocenoctum]

Political Correctness is actually a misnomer. The PC movement is really social engineering.

The problem with the behavior is that PC has come to mean overly sympathetic (to the point of ridiculousness), just like when someone says they're "telling it like it is" when they're actually just being rude. There's a large gap between being polite and being PC, just as there's a large gap between telling the truth and being rude at times.

 

[Animus]

OK...I've finally decided to delurk and post a rant.
...

I'm sure that there are good gamers out there. Unfortunately, I have had very bad experiences with a number of gamers, and after all these years I'm beginning to be turned off to gaming because of it.

You're right, there are good gamers out there. You just have to find them or (in some cases) make them. In my 18 years of gaming, I have met 3 people that I didn't like gaming with, and two of them I would never be friends with. I would consider myself lucky of course, considering other's experiences, but then again I am careful about my friends. Now, there are quite a few people I tolerated gaming with; these people I consider friends but have characteristics that annoy me. I'm sure that other people feel the same way about me, so I believe it's a fair give and take. Like others said before, there are ground rules that your gaming buddies need to observe to make your gaming experience pleasant.

You will find a group that you like. It's out there.

Good luck!

 

[jester47]

Somthing I would like to throw into the mix, and it is not targeted as anyone but I want to put it out there as a precept:

If everywhere you go people seem to be unescessarily angry at you or always rude or hostile, it is time to take a look at the common denominator.

Example, if you are constantly getting into fights and its rarely the same place with the same person, the only constant is you. It could be some feature you have no control over, or it could be somthing you do or do not do.

But this is not the structure being discussed. If you go elsewhere and people are repectful to you but they are always disrespectful in the same place, the problem is them

A.

 

[farscapesg1]

man what?

Yeah, umm, scratch that whole part of my post

The woman I work with is pretty, umm, juvanile and vulgar at times. I swear her mind is in the gutter more than most men. Once she hears the word "roleplaying" she immediately relates it to things like the HBO "Cathouse" version of "roleplaying". So, I don't discuss my hobby around them a whole lot :\

 

[jester47]

Edena - bear with me here- I am not disagreeing with you.

What I am disputing is the (all too often) notion that Gamers are somehow inferior to other people. Or that Gamers are more obnoxious, or social retards (to quote one person), or inherently more argumentative, or anything else of that sort.
I don't agree with this.
I don't agree with this, at all.
I think Gamers, averaged out, are as obnoxious (or lack, thereof), well behaved (or lack thereof), socialized (or lack, thereof), argumentative (or lack, thereof), as the general population, if you averaged them out.

Obviously, exceptions exist. One gaming group may be particularly well behaved. One gaming group may be particularly poorly behaved. Such is the nature of groups and organizations, and we see it in all groups. Of course, gaming groups can change over time, just as other groups can change over time.

There is no stigma to being a Gamer. None. It's something to be proud of.

You make these statements and they make sense to me.

But this next part made me realise somthing.

Yet all too many people (and a distressing number of Gamers) seem to think that Gamers are inherently flawed more than the typical person is.
I just don't agree with that.
And it's sorta sad, I think.
Society At Large seems to take a dim view of our Hobby. We and our Hobby have large groups of detractors. And now, it seems many of us, really don't think very much of us. I guess that makes me feel sad.

So what you are saying is that many people and even a number of gamers themselves think that there is a larger proportion of people who are socially maladjusted in the gamer population and that you disagree with that notion. I see your point and I am inclined to agree.

However your statement about the distressing number of gamers that insist that most gamers are maladjusted made me articulate somthing I have been trying to articulate for some years now. That there is a large portion of the gaming populous sees being a gamer as a stigma, and they embrace that stigma. There is a defintite subculture of gamers that rather than adjust socially would rather wear their social rejection like a badge. They wallow in it.

Its a problem of self image. Most gamers would say yes I am a gamer. But these people say "I am a gamer, and people don't like gamers except other gamers, and so I will avoid all other people but gamers and in that company I have no social bounds"

I have seen this with other subcultures. It exists in anime fandom, among the trekkies, in hacker circles, punk culture, the rave culture etc. Its the tendancy to take an interest and make it your excuse for social ills and these people tend to give whatever subculture they are in a bad rap. They are also more likely to self identify with the subculture. As in "I am a gamer." Most gamers would not identify themselves as such right off the bat. I throughly believe that it is these people, the ones that self identify as gamers and use that identity as an excuse for their behevior that give the gaming populous the stigma that so many are concerned about it.

It seems to me that there are three groups. One is the people who don't care about the stigma. The other is the group trying to fight it. And the final group is the one that wants to keep it.

 

[shadow]

Somthing I would like to throw into the mix, and it is not targeted as anyone but I want to put it out there as a precept:

If everywhere you go people seem to be unescessarily angry at you or always rude or hostile, it is time to take a look at the common denominator.

Example, if you are constantly getting into fights and its rarely the same place with the same person, the only constant is you. It could be some feature you have no control over, or it could be somthing you do or do not do.

But this is not the structure being discussed. If you go elsewhere and people are repectful to you but they are always disrespectful in the same place, the problem is them

It's obvious from Gruff's post that there is a big problem with his group. Telling racist jokes is not funny! Also, with players getting into fights and arguments at the game table sounds like there is a problem with other gamers in the group. I admit that sometimes we all need to step back and look into the mirror, but it sounds like Gruff has a legitimate problem with his gaming group.