I Love Gaming but I Hate Gamers!

[Edena_of_Neith]

Obviously, different gaming groups have different traits, just as different social groups the world over have different traits. An all male group will be much different in their thinking than an all female group. That's a given.

What I am disputing is the (all too often) notion that Gamers are somehow inferior to other people. Or that Gamers are more obnoxious, or social retards (to quote one person), or inherently more argumentative, or anything else of that sort.
I don't agree with this.
I don't agree with this, at all.

I think Gamers, averaged out, are as obnoxious (or lack, thereof), well behaved (or lack thereof), socialized (or lack, thereof), argumentative (or lack, thereof), as the general population, if you averaged them out.
Obviously, exceptions exist. One gaming group may be particularly well behaved. One gaming group may be particularly poorly behaved. Such is the nature of groups and organizations, and we see it in all groups. Of course, gaming groups can change over time, just as other groups can change over time.

There is no stigma to being a Gamer. None. It's something to be proud of.
Yet all too many people (and a distressing number of Gamers) seem to think that Gamers are inherently flawed more than the typical person is.
I just don't agree with that.

And it's sorta sad, I think.
Society At Large seems to take a dim view of our Hobby. We and our Hobby have large groups of detractors. And now, it seems many of us, really don't think very much of us. I guess that makes me feel sad.

 

[Oryan77]

Of course some adults are less mature than some children.

Gamers, as a whole, are less mature than society at large.

So you can group gamers together and say they are all less mature than society at large, but you aren't willing to group adults together and say that they are as immature as children? Only some adults are as immature as children?

So basically that opinion warrants the same reply you gave me, with 'gamers' replacing 'humans': "It is also true that certain severely mentally challenged gamers are less intelligent than chimps. But it cannot therefore be reasoned that chimps, as a whole, are smarter than gamers.

What does "mature" mean? It means exhibiting traits associated with age. Simply by using the dictionary, it is impossible to conclude that adults are not more mature than children.

Exhibiting traits associated with age would be wisdom, intelligence, growth, vocabulary, & mentality. But we are talking about personality maturity...and I don't think most people try to grow personally. Sure, some people learn to hide their social immaturity better than others, but that doesn't mean they are no longer immature. Ever been divorced or know anyone that has? How mature was that situation handled? If adults are more mature, why is the divorce rate so high and why does it usually end so badly? I would think a mature couple could work problems out...and if not, I would think most of those couples would end the marriage peacefully. Ever been flipped off or honked at while driving? Ever seen an adult whine, complain, & argue in a D&D game? Ever seen an adult yell at a waiter for not giving him the service he demands? Ever been mad at a lover and not talked to them for awhile? Ever talked bad about a boss behind his back? Personality wise, I don't think we act any more mature than children...we just show our immaturity in different ways.

I'm not impressed by anyones large vocabulary or impressive social status. That doesn't make them more mature than others. I work at a top notch University where my boss (an 80 y/o well known professor) has shown his immaturity at times and it surprised the heck out of me. I've seen the rich "sophisticated" socialites here act like teenage girls. I've been in numerous altercations with random adults on the streets because of their immaturity. Come to think about it, I've had more random adult men & women start arguments with me in public than I've ever had young men trying to start trouble with me.

 

[William Ronald]

I have seen many different types of gamers and gaming groups in the last 25 yars. Some gamers I have meet are socially inept; others were socially skilled. I find it very hard to make broad generalizations about gamers based on my experiences. I have known confident, kind and mature people who are gamers as well as those who lack confidence, can be cruel, and immature.

True, gaming groups can have some fairly intense people in them. So can groups of sports fans, hobbyists of any sort, and many other groups. Some portion of the people in these groups may have poor social skills. This may be exagerrated if people in the group have little in common besides their hobby to discuss or to form the basis of relationships.

Rounser, you do make some good points on brain studies. I would argue that we still have much to learn about the human brain and how it functions. So, perhaps it is not too surprising that communications seems to be at the heart of many problems in gaming groups. We often find it difficult ot understand each other.

However, like Chimera, we can set standards for what we will accept in gaming groups and those we game with. For example, two years back I left a gaming group that I had been part of for many years in different incarnations. Some of the people wanted different things in their games than what I wanted. As I felt that my opinions did not matter to many in the group, I left. I have found some other groups since then. I think a key thing to ask about any gaming group is what everyone wants and are those desiers somewhat compatable with each other.

 

[merelycompetent]

Here I go delurking again...

After a gaming with my group consistantly for nearly a year, I've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer having fun...

Gruff,

I'm sorry that you've had a rotten experience with your current (former?) gaming group. It really sounds like you need to get away from them, at least for a while. There are many good, sensible, fun gamers out in the world (especially on Enworld).

My general advice to you is:
Hold yourself to a high standard of behavior and conduct.
Find other people who also hold themselves to a high standard of behvior and conduct - similar to yours.
Teach what you can by example.
Learn from others' examples.
Don't tolerate repeated rudeness, even from those you call friends.
<Edit: Left one off>Always leave with grace and dignity.

I've found that if you are selective with your gaming group or groups, you will eventually find one that you can have fun with. You may have to put it together yourself. Make sure that you can enjoy the company of everyone in the group, because even one personality conflict can sink the game for everyone. Part of the fun is teaching and learning how to have fun with others.

Let us know how it turns out.

 

[Nail]

... I know this is ENWorld, where all generalizations are wrong,...

A wonderful truism...or oxymoron. I can't decide which.

Thanks, Fusangite.

 

[Nail]

...So basically that opinion warrants the same reply you gave me, with 'gamers' replacing 'humans'....

You've missed the point, there.

 

[Buttercup]

Decades ago, when I first heard about D&D, I was frightened away by some upleasant gamers. I will always be sorry that I didn't run into a better crowd, because I really enjoy playing, but I didn't get started until 2000. The people I DM for are all sane and pleasant adults. And they're friends. None of us would ever disregard the feelings or sensibilities of each other, because that's how friends are, you know? I also play in a game at my FLGS. The DM is a regular here, Ghostwind. I consider him a friend, and I enjoy the game immensely. I would gladly invite him to my house, to play D&D or just to hang out. I don't know that I'd call any of the players friends, but there are two which I think could become friends. The rest I just don't have much in common with. Still, none of them are rude or piggish like the original poster in this thread described. I'm honestly shocked at their behavior and I don't know why anyone would put up with it. Life is too short to waste time hanging out with idiots.

I hope Gruff finds a group of kindred spirits to play with, because I'm sure they're out there!

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Life is too short to waste time hanging out with idiots.

Quoted for Truth. *hugs* I love you, Buttercup.

 

[Oryan77]

You've missed the point, there.

It is also true that certain severely mentally challenged humans are less intelligent than chimps. But it cannot therefore be reasoned that chimps, as a whole, are smarter than humans.

I don't think I missed the point; I think I didn't make any sense with my reply
As I understood it, he's saying that I claimed children are more mature than adults...which is confusing because I never said that.

 

[WayneLigon]

Decades ago, when I first heard about D&D, I was frightened away by some upleasant gamers.

Haven't seen you around threads I've been checking. If you've been gone, good to see you back

I think this is probably one reason some people leave the hobby and others never enter it. Now, the people I play with are nice decent professionals. They bathe, they have relationships, etc. Yet I haven't played at the FLGS for some time because of the really unpleasent people that hang out there a lot like The Guy With No 'Inner Voice'.