I m a girl get over it

[yennico]

Welcome on board.

 

[BigFreekinGoblinoid]

Welcome.

I'm over it. I'd be ecstatic if my 5 mos. pregnant ( it's a girl, and I couldn't be happier! ) wife would show any interest in the game, let alone reading some of my books.

Buy your own PHB.

Play the game!

Call out anyone who treats you condescendingly or otherwise.

Have fun!

I'm sure the other players will be just fine after a few sessions...

 

[Laurel]

Hey! I'm a girl as well, and though I understand and have had boys react in such a way to me as well I simply choose to ignore them and find other people who share this intrest. There are lots of guys and even lots of girls who play rpg's including DnD. And they play them because they love them and most don't hold the attitudes of those you apparently are associating with.

Also, I say boys in the first sentence because come on! if a guy can't deal with a girl being able to play iwth the same intellect or role playing abilities then he is at most simply a boy who still has a lot to learn.

Just as not every female is better not every male is better either.

And by not letting you or anyone play to thier full potential is just hurting thier game.

Anyways, I would have gotten annoyed way before this and probably walk off long ago if they couldn't deal, but different strokes for different folks.

 

[Sarajaine"The Solar"]

I am very sorry that you have not met any quality gamers. I must also say that you should knock the mess out of your partner for being such a a sexist pig-dog.

Nah he is a darling really,all his friends are they just can't help having a little dig sometimes about dnd+girls don't mix

 

[Desdichado]

Nah he is a darling really,all his friends are they just can't help having a little dig sometimes about dnd+girls don't mix

As ridiculous as that seems to me, I know that the idea of D&D being a Boys Only club is not unique. My suggestion would be to respect that, since fighting it is probably not going to lead to any fun gaming at all. Look for another group that you and your boyfriend can both participate in together without the hassle.

 

[Sarajaine"The Solar"]

I think that when male gamers say that there are not many female gamers and that it ts a rare thing to find women who bring something to the game.
If guys talked more about RPG's and were'nt such closet geeks and actually gave girls a chance then the ratio of guy and girl gamers would be pretty even.

I hate to start somekind of feminist rebellion its just a shame that we don't get the same acceptance. All the gamers on this thread are ruled out for being pretty genuine nice people of course

 

[John Morrow]

Is it just that we are the of the opposite sex or that you are afraid to let us into your world for fear we will see you at your most vulnerable and the concept of seeing you getting excited or even moved at slaying a dragon may make you lose any sexual credibility and make you less of a man.

First, I think that's pretty close to the problem that at least some men have with role-playing with women. Basically, a lot of men say things around other men that they wouldn't say around women. They feel more free when only men are around to open up and say what they really think. Sometimes it's because they are sexist pigs and sometimes it's simply that they don't want women to see them living out a power fantasy out of fear that the women will will judge them or mock them for it. Either way, it makes them want to avoid women in their games.

When I was in high school (over two decades ago), a bunch of people I knew played Traveller. One of the guys (a nice guy, actually, not a sexist pig) used to play characters like "Force Commander Megaton", over the top gung-ho military types who run toward danger. One day, a friend brought his girlfriend into a game and he became a quiet mouse sitting in the corner, despite being a fairly large and not-geeky guy. Basically, he couldn't open up and let loose with a girl at the table.

Second, I've noticed that the reason why some (not all -- *some*) women are ignored is that, by male standards, they don't speak up and demand to be heard. During some of our games years ago, we'd notice that a friend's wife looked frustrated because she couldn't get a word. She was waiting for a pause in the conversation and there simply wasn't one, so she said nothing. We'd let her speak when we noticed but we wouldn't always notice. We finally told her, "Speak up and interrupt us if you want to say somethign." That's what all of the guys do to each other and some of the women we know do the same thing. But some women (and some men, I suspect) think that it's rude to interrupt so they are never given a chance to say anything. If the social rules of a group require you to speak up to be heard, then speak up and interrupt just like the guys do and don't worry about being rude. If they do think you are rude (or another word that rhymes with witchy), then you could have a sexism problem.

Third, plenty of women role-play and you can find role-players by creating them. If your partner's group can't work for you for a variety of reasons, go find your own group or create your own out of your other friends who are interested. You don't need to learn to play from someone else. I learned from the books, alone, and you can, too. Yes, the advantage of learning from someone else is that you'll pick things up more quickly and won't make as many mistakes. But there is a downside to learning from someone else, too. You pick up all of their mistakes, biases, and limitations rather than figuring out what you want out of role-playing. So my suggestion is to find some other friends who might be interested in playing and try your hands at running a game.

 

[dungeon blaster]

I'm gonna address a few issues in your rant. Please don't take anything too personally.

I am a girl who looks as tho she would'nt know the first thing about gaming let alone the intricacies of playing the DnD and the world that goes along with it.

I think you are fishing for attention here. Your argument in this rant is that as a girl you are treated unfairly. There's no need to mention your looks.

For a long time my boyfriend , who is a avid gamer and his mates had me labeled as a girl who should be seen and not heard on this subject and that I would be oblivious to the details and probably not the type to play or have as much enthusiasm as they clearly do.

I don't get this assumption at all:\ I think most guys feel that the nearest women get to being involved in a game is when we totter round wearing our aprons handing out mid encounter nibbles before disappearing into the background.

A valid point, although once again you refer to your looks.

Is it just that we are the of the opposite sex or that you are afraid to let us into your world for fear we will see you at your most vulnerable and the concept of seeing you getting excited or even moved at slaying a dragon may make you lose any sexual credibility and make you less of a man.

There are some women and I am most certainly one of them who think that guys who are geeks are extremely hot!

I think for many guys, it is the fear that the girl will think they are a loser. Most guys (of my age) WILL lose "sexual credibility", and therefore be less of a man. It's the sad but honest truth, gaming is a turn-off to many, many girls. I'm glad you aren't one of them.

Plus I feel that gaming is like any other hobby be it tennis or basketball. In fact I feel that it stimulates the mind and is a very healthy past time. I would much rather my man conjure spells and be doing something constructive and fun than a belching,scratching yob leering at a football game.

I'd say that it is mentally stimulating, but not a "healthy" past time. I mean, you are sitting around for hours, usually eating junk food and drinking soda, and you aren't even outdoors.

The point I am making is that I know from first hand experience with my boyfriend that gamers love what they do with a passion so why are you ashamed of it?

Many gamers are ashamed begins society shames them. It's only natural for them to hide something that society views as immature, geeky, and for people who can't get a date on a friday night.
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My original reason for writing this drivel was that girls seemed to get a severe mocking when it comes to having an interest in Dnd.
I sit in my front room nearly every other day reading Ben's MM and pretty much every piece of literature he has on the subject. We have been together for a while now so it is not some failed attempt to impress him it is genuinely because I fine the whole subject fascinating.
I listen to him talk for hours on the phone about encounters he has had and his party members feats and I listen in awe.
What bugs me is why whenever girls talk about DnD or claim they know someting related to it we get laughed at!
Its like a no go area and having testosterone is your members only card.

This is unfortunate, but not not endemic to all gaming groups. While I'm sure you could find another group of people who would treat you well, I doubt you want to do that. I'll try to provide a few reasons why they may be acting like this. First, as strange as it sounds, D&D is often a testosterone saturated activity, primarily because there are a LOT more male gamers and when you get a lot of men together ... well, there's a lot of testosterone. Some men may resent a woman intruding on what they feel is "guy time". Second, some gamers have little to no social skills, especially when it comes to females. Now, I don't want to see anyone post a long rant about how they are super suave, get all the ladies, are first picked for dodgeball, blah blah blah. I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about the substantial number of guys in this hobby who shower, have cheeto stains on their shirt, and were president of the A/V club.

My boyfriend recently posted a thread about gaming and girlfriends and my interest in it and someone wisely suggested that he should let me play at one of his games and get me actively participating.
As sweet (and naive) as this comment was, I would'nt dream of playing with a group of his friends as I would surely get laughed at, patronisingly patted on my head and may even get called "rookie" or asked to get make the drinks.

I think the advice is good, give it a shot. It will be a kodak moment when you correct a guy on the rules. Also understand that getting called rookie is pretty common when you are new to any testosterone saturated activity. Just be glad you aren't a guy... you'd probably suffer even more. Of course, that doesn't mean you have to accept their behavior (and you shouldn't).

I admit that my appearance may be my down fall as I look like I would be more in tuned to the topic of cheerleading than talk of expeditions in Faerun.

You aren't admitting anything, you are just bragging.

 

[IcyCool]

Is it just that we are the of the opposite sex or that you are afraid to let us into your world for fear we will see you at your most vulnerable and the concept of seeing you getting excited or even moved at slaying a dragon may make you lose any sexual credibility and make you less of a man.

As was said before, that's a pretty big chip on your shoulder. Calm down, we're generally a nice bunch of people here

There are some women and I am most certainly one of them who think that guys who are geeks are extremely hot!

That would be why I married my wife

What bugs me is why whenever girls talk about DnD or claim they know someting related to it we get laughed at!

As sweet (and naive) as this comment was, I would'nt dream of playing with a group of his friends as I would surely get laughed at, patronisingly patted on my head and may even get called "rookie" or asked to get make the drinks.

Out of curiousity, have you asked to join in on these games? Have you asked your boyfriend? What about his group? Are there other gaming groups in your area that you could join?

I ask because if you have tried the above (not just assumed they won't work), your situation is indeed lamentable. If you haven't and are just complaining, well, everyone needs to rant and blow off steam once in a while, but unless you try to get involved, you really do have only yourself to blame, and will get no sympathy from me.

That sounds more blunt than I wanted it to, but I can't think of a good way to rephrase it. If it sounds like I'm insulting you, then that's not how it was intended.

Do your boyfriend's buddies really treat you the way you seem to be saying they do? Or are you just assuming that is how they will treat you?

If they actually treat you this way, then stand up for yourself lass, don't sit there and meekly take it! Or, alternatively, give me the address that your boyfriend and his buddies game at and I'll send my wife over there. 6'2" of beautiful, slightly feminist, college-boxing trained, amazonian fury. I guarantee that those boys will know how to respect women after they get out of traction.

 

[Sarajaine"The Solar"]

And by not letting you or anyone play to thier full potential is just hurting thier game.

Its not the case that I can't play (or maybe it is) its just that some people have opinions on girls gaming and its loud and clear without them saying a word. Who am I to invade on a game that has been played by the same group of guys for years. I don't really wish to participate I just would appreciate the exceptance that I take an interest in their hobby and to be to be taken seriously for it.