IRON DM 2021 Tournament

Fenris-77

Small God of the Dozens
Supporter
I really liked the Footloose thing. You worked it in but didn't push it too hard. The character of Eggs is a very nice touch too, with the whole torn between love and duty thing, and there is a some interesting room for PCs to approach the whole business in a couple of different ways, which can be tough to get done in short words count.

I struggled little with the clues to start too. Once I decided on cultists and sewer exploration it got easier though. I had a very different plan in mind to start, but the pieces just weren't falling into place so I binned the whole thing and went with MotW.

Anyway, nicely done.
 

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Gradine

The Elephant in the Room (she/they)
More spoilers, I guess
Come to think of it, all those Tombstone memes in the other thread had my brain stuck on westerns in the first place...
 

Rune

Once A Fool
Round 1, Match 2: Snarf Zagyg vs el-remmen

@Snarf Zagyg and @el-remmen, you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

Your ingredients are:

Simple Plan
Credit Due
Dogs of War
Poor Reception
Last Knight
Reality Breach
 

My thoughts on Hardrain in Rosewood:

I really like how strong the flooding is part of the narrative in this adventure. But I'm a little surprised that the Tin Star doesn't reappear later as a clue to find Jessica, since she could easily have dropped it.

However, I really love the countdown. This adventure has some strong stakes and motivation for the players to hurry.
 


el-remmen

Moderator Emeritus
Stayed up last night and wrote a whole draft - now I just need to tweak it and cut about 135 words. So far, I have added 23. o_O :LOL:
 

el-remmen

Moderator Emeritus
Oh and question, I know the title doesn't count for the word count but does the system/level description count?

So if the title was "Gingerbread Man's Revenge (An Epic Adventure for the Candyland RPG)" - would the parenthetical part go towards word count or not?

Thanks!
 

Wicht

Hero
Oh and question, I know the title doesn't count for the word count but does the system/level description count?

So if the title was "Gingerbread Man's Revenge (An Epic Adventure for the Candyland RPG)" - would the parenthetical part go towards word count or not?

Thanks!
The answer in prior years has been yes as you are conveying information regarding adventure content.
 

Rune

Once A Fool
The answer in prior years has been yes as you are conveying information regarding adventure content.
To elaborate: a well-crafted subtitle can take a lot of the expository load off of an entry in a very efficient few words. I personally encourage their use as such, but they really do need to count against the word-limit.

Of course, @Iron Sky will be the arbiter for the match in question. It may come down to an interpretation. For example, if given the title: Steam Tunnels: An Adventure, I see no meaningful information being conveyed in the subtitle. On the other hand, Steam Tunnels: A Mazes and Monsters Adventure says quite a lot.
 

Radiating Gnome

Adventurer
Round 1 Match 1: Spurloose vs. Hard Rain in Rosewood

Hey all, it's exciting to be back judging Iron DM, and it's especially fun to jump in with a pair of strong entries to kick things off.

In this match we have Spurloose (by Gradine), a western crime drama, and Hard Rain in Rosewood (by Fenris-77), a Cthulu-esque modern scenario. My evaluations are based first on a study of the way the ingredients are used, and then a more subject sense of the general playability, writing, and presentation of the two entries.

Ingredients:

Swift Action

In Spurloose, we have a situation in which the players are sent with a timetable to collect a debt, and if they move quickly enough in the process of investigating the situation, it's possible that they will be able to save Rusty from Chuck -- if they are not swift in solving the murder, they will be left unable to collect on the debt, because Ariel has been arrested for murder.

In Hard Rain, the story is on a timeline -- when the PC's arrive they have until midnight that night to prevent Yg-Salla from devouring the town. There is also the need to rescue Jessica before the sewers flood.

In comparison, I think that while they both have this ingredient, the "swift action" in Hard Rain is slightly less specific to this adventure -- it feels a lot like just a typical crescendo to a story climax, and not something that merits a special ingredient. The need for swift action in Spurloose has some of that, too, but the ingredient feels more integral to this specific story. It's a whisker of a difference, though, so we'll call this ingredient a draw unless I find I need a tiebreaker later.


Tin Star
In Hard Rain, the tin star is explicitly something that Jessica Martin carried into the sewers with her, in her backpack. It’s a striking detail in such a short write up — and unfortunately we are not given a sense of the importance of that tin star — it doesn’t explicitly come up as an important clue or detail later in the adventure. So, this is a bit weak.

In Spurloose, the tin star is Sheriff Eggs Benedict. It’s not an especially inspired use of the ingredient, but at least his role as Sheriff is established and appropriate to the ingredient. So, for this ingredient, Spurloose has an edge.


Waterlogged Sewers
So, in Hard Rain, the waterlogged sewers are a very literal expression of the ticking clock that drives the adventure.
In Spurloose, on the other hand, the word ‘sewers” is read as “sew-ers”, which is cute and made me groan, but has one small problem — the sew-ers have been drowned in whiskey, not water….so does that make them whiskey-logged? Either way, Iron DM has a long transition of creative interpretation of ingredients, so we’ll call it good even while looking sideways at Spurloose for having conflated whiskey and water-logging. So, this ingredient is another draw.

Debt Collector
In Spurloose, the PCs are the debt collectors, trying to recover the investment of their boss, Kenny Loggins. It’s solid, and they have to thread a pretty significant narrative needle to make sure they managed to achieve that goal.
In Hard Rain, the debt collector ingredient is tossed onto Chester, Jessica’s uncle, who charges into the sewer with a shotgun because the police are not doing enough. I find this particular use of the ingredient, because it’s not really important to the character’s role in the story, is pretty weak, so this ingredient favors Spurloose.

Hidden Knife
In Spurloose, Ariel has a hidden knife she will use in the final confrontation with Chuck. It's possible that the players won't even see the hidden knife, since the adventure holds out the possibility that Chuck will be arrested peacefully.

In Hard Rain, the ritual knives of the cultists appear to be the detail that is meant to cover this ingredient. The knives are technically hidden because the whole nature of the cult and the ritual is a secret, but that feels a little weak to me. The write up doesn’t help me see how the knives are important to the ritual, or why those would be the weapons of choice for a couple of dozen cultists trying to kill or control a monster in the sewers that they have released. I find the ingredient pretty weak in both executions, so we’ll call it a draw.

Underground Dance
So, it appears to me that this ingredient is the source of the “Footloose” games that Spurloose is playing, and that is good fun. At the same time, the dance is a goal that is not quite achieved in the frame of the scenario. Perhaps a write up with more room to breathe would describe a scene in the locked up saloon with Ariel, who presumes she’s alone, is dancing around like mad, but in this iteration it isn’t quite there.
In Hard Rain, the ritual that the cultists are indulging in does include ecstatic dancing, which does cover it, but there’s nothing about the detail that this is a dance that really is integral to the story or other action. I’m not totally pleased with either use of the ingredient, but I think that there is a slight edge for Hard Rain here. The dancing is actually happening in the story, after all.

Overall
So, the differences here are slight — I rated three ingredients as a draw, found that Spurloose managed two of them, better than Hard Rain, and Hard Rain had one ingredient where it has the edge. So, as a package, Spurloose is marginally stronger than Hard Rain on the subject of ingredient use.

Playability, Writing, Presentation
So, looking past the ingredients, I think these are both quite strong entries, and they make good examples of the way a tight word limit can actually result in some tight, clear, well-written submissions.

Spurloose is charming, drawing a lot of strength from the touch of wit that it brings in with all the Footloose references. I’m amused that the name “Eggs Benedict” sent me off to the googles to look up when Eggs Benedict was invented — and it appears to have been served in New York starting in the 1860s, but wasn’t published in a cookbook until 1890. So, while it is maybe not likely to have been something that would be general enough knowledge in Bomont to be the Sheriff’s nickname, it makes me laugh reading it, it does a nice job of putting the “tin” in the tin star (making him a weak sheriff), and just fits in the overall flow of the entry.

In Hard Rain, the tone is a bit different, but it’s still a very tight, well-presented entry. I find that it doesn’t have quite as much personality going for it as Spurloose, but there is some. Interestingly, one of the details that I find most charming and interesting is Jessica’s devotion to the Jack Colton tin star she carries. The specific ness of a name like Jack Colton sent me off to the googles, too, looking for something I had never heard of, but my very brief search turned up some inspirational “wealth is good” speaker in Vegas. I didn’t look to closely, I don’t want to get invited to anything ……. Anyway, it’s my sense that Jack Colton was just a name that has the right sound, and it works. But the description spends a lot of very precious words explaining that tin star, and it never pays off. Chekov’s gun, etc.

One thing that struck me about Hard Rain was the presence of some notes about the game mechanics for the knives, and for Yg-Salla. Those are not necessary details for such a short write up, and the twenty or so words that could be saved could have been spent detailing some of the less satisfying elements of the current write up. Why is it important that Chester is a debt collector for a gang? Why is the toy badge important? Why do the cultists use knives dipped in snake blood? Those details would matter a whole lot more than the PbtA stats, etc.

Final Judgement
I really like both entries, and I think the are kicking off Iron DM 2021 on a great note. But I have to pick one, and in this case the ingredients and the overall presentation favor Spurloose. Gradine, you’ll advance to round 2. Congratulations.

Fenris-77, you faced off with a seasoned pro, and wrote an excellent entry. Thanks for participating, and I hope to see you in future competitions. You’ve got the chops, for sure.
Thanks everyone!
-RG
 

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