Is it inherently harder to be a female DM?

[belasco]

Wait.. Ziona is a girl?!

it means that they think you're a decent enough human being that you've managed to rise above the handicap of your gender.

Just the opposite. It means she has managed to sink to our level.

Ziona's Special Abilities:

(EX) Immune to Natural Gas attacks
(SU) +5 Fortitude saves versus sickness caused by gross misconduct
(SU) Turns into a raving tired hysterical lunatic at 10pm
(SP)Shout at will as a wizard of her character level

 

[Guillaume]

Re: Re: Is it inherently harder to be a female DM?

I am a woman as well. All I can tell you is that each time I have brought up DMing to the group I play with, only one of the guys have ever been encouraging. Most of them have scoffed and laughed or been silent while the rest thought I was joking. It sucked, because at one point, I had done research and had made maps and such, and when they reacted like they did, I trashed it all. It really p*@$$ed me off! So, I have never brought it up again. On the rare occasion that it has come up, I just tell them I would never consider DMing again (at least not for them).

I'm not the first one to say it in this thread, but this is just plain sad. From what I read, you have a lot of confidence in your creative abilities and that in itself is a huge chunk of the DMing job. As for the rules... there is always a book close by or a good mind to give you a hand (maybe your husband, since he plays in the group).

I've been gaming for the past 20 years. Most of that time, I've been playing the role of the DM, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I was the most experienced. Now, a little more than 5 years ago, I met my wife (she goes by the handle of Julie on these boards). To my greatest pleasure, she got really hooked onto RPGs.

Next weekend, she's probably trying her hand at DMing for the first time (well second if you count a few simulations on The Burning Plague, which we had both played before). For us these days, it's one-on-one gaming, as Rimouski seems a little to small a town and we haven't been able to find a serious group. Anyhow, I'm happy to see that she's interested in giving it a try.

What has this got to do with your problem and the one that Randomling have? First, I am convinced that DMing, just like gaming, is not and should not be a question of gender. If the group is acting like jerks, whether they are friends or not, is totally inappropriate. Whether they are being malicious or not is beside the point. True gamers should encourage all to participate in our hobby at every level, player or DM. When they act to discourage anyone (female or male) they are doing a disservice to the game, and need a good kick in the shins (or higher?)

My advice to both of you, stick to your guns. If you want to DM, please do, we need more DMs (female or not) to perpetuate the hobby.

Good luck,

Guillaume

p.s.: Ziona, from what I understand, your husband wasn't very supportive. This is totally surprising to me. Personally, I consider it my duty to try and be supportive of my wife's endeavours. I don't know, maybe I have to much chivalry in me ?

 

[Ziona]

Re: Re: Re: Is it inherently harder to be a female DM?

My advice to both of you, stick to your guns. If you want to DM, please do, we need more DMs (female or not) to perpetuate the hobby.

p.s.: Ziona, from what I understand, your husband wasn't very supportive. This is totally surprising to me. Personally, I consider it my duty to try and be supportive of my wife's endeavours. I don't know, maybe I have to much chivalry in me ?

Well when I brought it up originally, he told me I needed to ready myself & research everything. So, I did. I downloaded & printed maps, and thought about NPCs and such. When a chance came, (when KotSQ took a break), I mentioned maybe DMing. A few people scoffed & laughed, and everyone else was silent (my husband among them). There was one person who said I should try it, and that it would be interesting, but I felt put off by the reaction of everyone else.

My husband is suddenly very supportive, as are the other guys we play with. They have suggested that maybe I should get a few of our less-experienced friends together and run a few sessions to get the hang of it. I guess my venting has suddenly paid off...now if we can find the time between the 3 campaigns we're currently in...

Thanks for your advice. I hope Randomling's issues clear up as quickly as mine seem to have!

 

[Guillaume]

My husband is suddenly very supportive, as are the other guys we play with. They have suggested that maybe I should get a few of our less-experienced friends together and run a few sessions to get the hang of it. I guess my venting has suddenly paid off...now if we can find the time between the 3 campaigns we're currently in...

Thanks for your advice. I hope Randomling's issues clear up as quickly as mine seem to have!

Glad to hear things are working out. BTW, the suggestion of getting a few adventures under your belt before launching yourself into a full fledge campaign is not such a bad idea. It will allow you to work out a style and a few bugs before you get into the really complicated stuff (ie. keeping it all together !).

Doing it with the less experienced can be a plus just as much as it can be a minus. The experienced around the table can give you a hand with difficult rulings, but they can bog you down with rules-lawyering. You know the group better than any of us, you will have to be the judge.

Good luck,

Guillaume

 

[ced1106]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it inherently harder to be a female DM?

My husband is suddenly very supportive, as are the other guys we play with. They have suggested that maybe I should get a few of our less-experienced friends together and run a few sessions to get the hang of it. I guess my venting has suddenly paid off...now if we can find the time between the 3 campaigns we're currently in...

Good to hear it. One other random thought I had was, if you're good enough, to run a game at a local convention. Your name will be in the book, so, assuming attendees can tell what sex you are from your name, they won't care about your gender. (Some may prefer a female GM, since they tend to be mature gamers.) Run a first-level adventure for new players.

Still no idea about why they're not letting you DM. Maybe they'll accept you as an equal, but not in an authoratative position. No idea.


Cedric.
aka. Washu! ^O^

 

[Mustrum_Ridcully]

I wasn`t able to follow the whole discussion, but here are some random thougts:

From one of the last Adventures I (as a Male, btw.) mastered, I saw that male players seem to have problems to avoid sexual jokes. In the adventure I speak of, the group`s Bard and a female NPCs came together - Wether I as the DM nor the Bard`s player did describe anything directly sexual ... contacts, and every of the other players seemed to be forced to make jokes about it (more or less In Character) - they believed the two would never do "it".
During gameplay, I didn`t notice this much, but it annoyed the Bard`s player.
Well, to make it not too long - and it is just an example: You see my assumption above.

If you encounter Off Topic discussion during the game, it might also be, that some of the players became bored.
This can happen easily when they are not primary involved, like a "social-type" character during a combat-heavy session, or a fighter-type character during a social-heavy session.
The best way to counter this, is to have both parts.
Try to make the Fighting a reward for the social-type character (like finding some important clues, capturing someone with information about the story), or the Socializing a reward for the Fighters (like finding the way to a dangerous Dungeon full of Monsters, finally getting the criminal for the final battle).
And try to give out information in both cases that are important for both sides. (During a fight, some of the combattans might utter some important names, or an NPC gives valuable information about fighting style of a possible enemy..)

Oh, and you can start being a Master anytime - preferably after you learned the basic rules. But I think after 1 year of play, you should be ready for it - everything you can learn than for being a master you learn by being one.
It is alway good to ask the players if they liked your adventure, what should have been improved, what missed and so on...

Anyway, mastering is never easy, and you have to accept, that guys are guys, girls are girls, and that Off-Topic discussion is something very usual.

 

[MerakSpielman]

If they give you any more trouble, pass out a batch of Girdles of Giant Strength next adventure. Then make them be cursed so that, after being on for a day, they change into Girdles of Femininity. Keep their physical appearances at about the same level of prettiness as before - and chances are their male characters aren't very pretty - to prevent them from trying any percieved "benefits" from the change (seducing the guards, etc...) Make their armor no longer fit right.

Then make all the NPCs they encounter make lots of sexist jokes about females being adventurers.

 

[mythago]

If they aren't taking you seriously, then no, they don't respect you as "one of them." I'm glad your husband has begun a streaming clue download, however.

They should have just said what they thought instead of making a joke about it.

Jokes are an excellent way to conceal hostility and nastiness. You were only being funny, see? How can anyone possibly take offense?

 

[William Ronald]

I consider it important for players to pay attention to DMs and give them a modicum of respect. I have played with and occassionally DMed for people of various ages and genders.

It seems a lot of the problems mentioned in this thread are due to a lack of maturity by some players and a lack of respect. I think most of these problems can be solved by having a heart-to-heart talk with the players. (This is probably better than having their first-level characters have a heart to heart talk with Cthulhu... before dinner. )

My games are sociable, but there are limits. Gaming should be a comfortable, fun experience. Indeed, I would argue that rude gamers have done more to drive off potential new players than any single rules system. (If you like the players, you might give a game a chance. If you are uncomfortable with them, you may form a bad opinion about the hobby.)

 

[AuroraGyps]

I didn't read most of the posts, but I will mention my experience as a female player. I, and the other female of the group, often had problems with a few of the guys, one in particular, in our group. We found that our ideas were shot down alot... if we were being listened to at all. When we'd get annoyed about this, we were "PMSing" or "being b****y". We were also teased alot. I believe some of this was just ego... maybe some guys are threatened by female gamers and a female DM is just too much for them.
The only advice I can give is to try to tell them that you'd like to be dealt with more as an equal when it comes to gaming and maybe remind them that, while there is some joking, they don't treat the other GM/GMs that way.