Sorry for the hijack, but this thread inspired me to brush the dust of of this little thing I wrote probably a decade ago.
The Tarrasque
By Arryn Raven
Once upon a gaming session, my DM taught me a lesson,
When I cried that futile sentence, “I need XP give me more!”
He eyed me with consternation, then he had a revelation,
Grabbed a book for consultation, through the tome he did explore
T’was about then that I noticed what it was he did explore
He read “Monstrous Manual’s” lore.
Scanning the book, humming slightly, his appearance became sprightly.
Sitting there, crossed-legged and reading, giggling on my bedroom floor.
Turning pages with a flurry, his smile, then, did make me worry,
Made me think, “There’s no big hurry, to see what he’s got in store.”
But before I could distract him, he said “Let’s see what’s in store.”
“Sit. We’ll raise your XP score.”
With great zeal he started talking, crushing my last chance of balking.
When he’s started there’s no chance of ever getting out the door
He described to me a setting, in my chambers I was fretting,
O’er some girl I keep forgetting, think the chick’s name was Lenore
“Strange.” I thought, “My character has never met this girl Lenore.”
“Never heard her name before.”
There I was then, so unhappy. Feeling just a little sappy.
I then wondered what the heck my DM thought he had in store.
At my portal came a rumble. Knocked me over, made me tumble.
All of this just made me grumble, “Who’s that outside of my door?”
I stood up and with great rancor flung open my chamber door.
The sight shocked me to my core.
What I saw then was amazing, there was the Tarrasque just grazing,
In what used to be my garden but my garden was no more.
There I stood with my jaw open, “Please don’t see me.” I was hope’n
But the beast of giant scope then turned his head towards my door.
And before I could turn tail and go back through my chamber door,
The beast bellowed, “GRAAA RAAA ROAAAAR!!!”
Through the door I started racing, but the Tarrasque started chasing.
Crushing walls down, smashing trinkets I have had since days of yore.
In the wreckage I tried hiding, but the monster kept on striding
Through my house and with a sliding stop he spied me on the floor.
With a snarl it’s great foot rose and came down crashing to the floor.
My best PC was no more.
That’s the end of my sad story, ending in a death quite gory.
Time to tell the moral that I’m sure you all are waiting for.
If you don’t want a disaster, be nice to your Dungeon Master.
Your PC will die much faster. If you don’t. He knows the score.
So remember not to whine about your favorite PC’s score.
Ask for XP? Nevermore.
