I've "met" the perfect woman (for me).

[Umbran]

I know some of you think that now is more important. But, i've been "future minded" since i was 12.

Often being future minded is a good thing. Sometimes it isn't. Specifically, in the case of deep interpersonal relationships, being future minded gives you the tendency of putting words in other people's mouths, and creating bogey-men that don't actually exist.

I'm constantly searching for THE girl, not A girl. Why date someone when you know that sometime in the future you'll come to blows over something that important?

First off, looking for THE girl is terribly, terribly unfair to both you and the girl. THE girl is a fantasy. But real girls are only human. Every last one of them.

Plus, looking for THE girl means you'll never fully appreciate the charms of people who don't fit your mental image of perfection. There's a lot to be said for that which you don't expect

Why date someoen when you know you'll come to blows? Two reasons - first off, you don't know you'll come to blows. By the time you get to know each other, fall in love, go through the mating dances, and finally are ready to have kids, things may change. You may change, she may change. Think - if you don't get married for five years, that'll be about one fifth of ehr entire life. That can lead to significant change...

Second, even if you don't know about it beforehand, with every single person on the planet, there's something important over which you may (and probably will) disagree. So, dodging the landmines you know about only leaves you likely to stomp on the ones you don't know about.

Third, if you don't date people before finding THE girl, you probably won't be emotionally ready for her when she comes along. Dealing with a loving relationship is a learned skill. If you don't get in relationships, you don't learn the skill. If you haven't tried it before, she may be THE girl for you, but you won't be THE guy for her, because you will still be inexperienced and immature.

In general, people can surprise you. Giving up based upon casual association would be as dumb as deciding you'd fallen in love and had to get married without ever seeing her. Let the relationship develop and grow natrually, without the burden of so many preconcieved notions, and you're far more likely to have it go somewhere useful.

 

[KenM]

I have found THE girl for me, problem is I'm seeing someone else. THE girl I met at work and we started talking. I have a better time just hanging out talking with her then I do with the girl I'm seeing. The one I met at work makes me better, she feels the same way. I'm going to call it off with the other girl this weekend. She will be heartbroken, but I will try to let her down easy. Even if it does not work out with Heidi (girl from work), I'm calling it off with Kathy. Why? Because I now know what I want in a partner. How do I know? Lots of dating, trying.
My point is you have to go out with different people before you know, and like someone else said, be emtionally ready. Good luck.

 

[BrooklynKnight]

Oh i've dated around, i've dated around a lot. I've been through that area in my life already. I know what I want in a partner. Its not some ideal i just made up in a dream.

I know that typically no girl you'll find will ever fit that ideal but some will come close.
When i first started talking to her she was just a cute redhead from upper nyc. She asked me what my ideal mate was...

At that point she was pretty close already (personality wise, looks wise, etc etc), and i told her. "Well you're pretty close actually. If only you were a gamer."

Then she said.. "But I am. I play an Elf Fighter/Rouge in this game...etc etc."

heh.

In all our talking the only negative i find (aside from the distance) is the one i mentioned above.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Perfect women are perfectly implausible. As a guy who hasn't had a woman look his way in four years (and that includes two years when I was actually dating someone), I find the whole concept of women being attracted to people alien.

Last time I checked , I was totally attracted to MojoGM. Moreso every day.
Don't be bitter. Us ladies don't dig that.

As for you Arthur - Go you! She sounds like a nice person. I'm sure you'll manage around the distance. When Chris and I first got together I lived a bit of a commute away but we managed and now we live together.

Umbram - excellent post.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

*is in agreement*

Naming your children isn't a game. They've got to keep those names until they are old enough to legally change them to Optimus Prime.

Yup. Take it from someone who grew up LOATHING her name. My real name is not weird per se but it is outdated and not used alot where I grew up. I always wished my parents had just named me Jennifer or Lauren or something. Instead they had to name me Sheri.

 

[Arnwyn]

Oh. And you can kiss those big Cerwin Vega's goodbye.

Whatever! Mrs. arnwyn loves the Cerwins.

 

[Henry]

I always wished my parents had just named me Jennifer or Lauren or something. Instead they had to name me Sheri.

On the bright side, Mojo couldn't go around singing old Steve Perry tunes if you were "Jennifer," could he? "867-5309" isn't nearly as good.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

On the bright side, Mojo couldn't go around singing old Steve Perry tunes if you were "Jennifer," could he? "867-5309" isn't nearly as good.

Not to hijack Art's thread but when I was in junior high, at the tender age of 13 (and we all know how fun it was to be 13), the guy who was the biggest geek (not in a cool way) in the school got over the school PA system and dedicated the song Sherry by Frankie Valli to me. THE WHOLE SCHOOL heard this!!!!

The counselors let me go home that day and take the next day off. Oh gawd, it was horrible...

Don't get me wrong, he was a nice kid and all but you know how cruel junior high kids are...

I never lived it down. Not till I left high school.

 

[RangerWickett]

Last time I checked , I was totally attracted to MojoGM. Moreso every day.
Don't be bitter. Us ladies don't dig that.

I'm not bitter (often). I still love all sorts of women, and for years now I've tried different ways going about dating, or not dating, or trying to impress, or being casual, or being a friend and hoping something happens, or falling in love at first sight. I tried the 'not looking at all' part for a long while, just to make sure I wasn't shooting myself in the foot by being a spaz or something.

No woman has expressed any interest in me for the past four years. I know that isn't an unprecedented event, but it's a bit frustrating for me. When I say I'm not really familiar with women being attracted to men, I just mean that I don't really remember what it's like to have someone attracted to me. I see things happening among my friends, and I'm happy for them, but, as is appropriate for something as wonderful as love, I don't understand it. I know that in the past four years I've been attracted to six girls that I either asked out or hinted to that I was interested, but none was ever attracted to me.

So, I can't help Arthur on the getting into the relationship part. However, I do have a lot of experience in the 'dealing with differences' and 'realizing in hindsight that, no, arguing is not a valid form of conflict-resolution.' *grin*

I wish the man good luck. I think he's incredibly lucky. I also think that you don't toss away a $1000 lottery ticket just because you'd rather have a million. If nothing else, enjoy the grand while you've got it; you might even use that money to buy that million dollar ticket you always wanted.

 

[KenM]

Well, I just called it off with Kathy, she took it hard. I tried to ease it as much as possible. The same thing happened to me, and the women that did it to me was not kind to me when she let me go, i know not to do that.