Joking and Teasing: How far is too far?

[Thornir Alekeg]

Nicely put, merelycompetent.

 

[WizarDru]

To each his own, I suppose. I know I wouldn't be comfortable in such an environment. I tend to game with friends...and while some folks might not mind such treatment, I would.

As for the Geek Social Fallacy #1...you might want to read the whole text of it, first. It's referring to pathologically NEVER ejecting someone from a group, no matter how odious and even though everyone dislikes him, because doing so would be ostracizing him like many geeks themselves have been. In no way does it suggest making fun of someone's disability....to wit:

-In its non-pathological form, GSF1 is benign, and even commendable: it is long past time we all grew up and stopped with the junior high popularity games. However, in its pathological form, GSF1 prevents its carrier from participating in -- or tolerating -- the exclusion of anyone from anything, be it a party, a comic book store, or a web forum, and no matter how obnoxious, offensive, or aromatic the prospective excludee may be.

The only people being oboxious here were the ostracizers...NOT the one being ostracized.

 

[Barak]

To each his own, I suppose. I know I wouldn't be comfortable in such an environment. I tend to game with friends...and while some folks might not mind such treatment, I would.

As for the Geek Social Fallacy #1...you might want to read the whole text of it, first. It's referring to pathologically NEVER ejecting someone from a group, no matter how odious and even though everyone dislikes him, because doing so would be ostracizing him like many geeks themselves have been. In no way does it suggest making fun of someone's disability....to wit:



The only people being oboxious here were the ostracizers...NOT the one being ostracized.

Well he was stuttering all over their game, most likely costing them precious minutes of game play they were taking away from their loved ones...

Okay, I got nothing.

 

[BlackMoria]

To answer the original question - it goes too far then the person in question become uncomfortable with the ridicule. At at point, the person in question needs to let the others know about the discomfort and everyone should drop it.

To continue after be so told crosses from playful social ribbing to a veiled or not so veiled attack to invalidate who that person is - because by continuing the behavior after someone informs the others that it is making them uncomfortable is tantamount to saying - 'I don't care for you or your feellings and I will do whatever the hell I want so F* you".

As a DM, I watch to make sure that everyone is having fun and not one is crossing the line of good natured ribbing to something more dark in intent. I have on one occasion outright stopped the game in progress and told people I was calling it a evening when several players didn't get my not so subtle hint to stop the veiled verbal attack (ie. their idea of humor which crossed the line) against another player who had asked them to tone it down.

I have had no problems since in my game.

 

[bytor4232]

I'm running into this exact problem with a new member to my group. There is one particular person he keeps on zinging. I'm not sure what to do, I mean, I do my fair share of ribbing, but I try to zing someone and let it go, even try to be positive. I guess I was picked on a lot as a kid and simply don't like it, so I don't dish it.

The player he keeps picking on is my best friend, and only plays DND because I'm the DM. My friend doesn't have the best of luck with the dice, and thats were the most ribbing seems to stem from. I almost think I should hurt the zinger a little to shut him up. Or tell him to cool it. It doesn't seem to bother my friend, but I can tell others are somewhat uncomfortable including me.

 

[Umbran]

I almost think I should hurt the zinger a little to shut him up. Or tell him to cool it.

I'd vote for No to the former, Yes to the latter. Civilized people should deal with social interaction problems in a civilized manner. He may just not realize how bad he's being.

The idea is to get things working in a smooth and reasonable manner quickly, right? Well, people aren't puppies that you whould whack them with a metaphorical rolled-up newspaper, especially considering that the technique doesn't even work well on puppies.

Faster to just go, "Dude, chill on the zinging. It feels like you're gettin' kinda heavy with it." Most rational folks respond well to that.

 

[Numion]

I think it depends on the person; I could probably take a lot of joking about my glasses and height, but my friend who has a slighly hunched back made it very clear the first time I said anything about it that it was out of line. Certainly it's something very sensitive, and something you'd need to back off on real quick.

Well, did ya back off?

 

[Sammael]

The people I game with share a pretty similar sense of humor with me (sarcasm and irony dripping all over the place), as do all my non-gaming friends. We throw light-hearted insults at each other all the time, and nobody minds. When a new person joins the group, we generally wait a while until we see how they react to the jokes being thrown around. Most of the time, they join in all by themselves (after they get comfortable enough). If a person doesn't feel comfortable, we won't target them, but we won't stop our own repartee either. If they can't handle that, well... tough. We game to get away from the real-world stress, and jokes are a big part of that.

However, there is an unwritten rule that disability and/or appearance jokes are clearly out of line unless that person OKs them. For instance, I'm obese and I often joke about my own obesity. I've made it obvious to everyone that I don't mind others joking about it either.

 

[Harmon]

When someone takes offense to it- it needs to stop.​

When you have to make fun of someone's disability to have a good time, you are being a jerk.

Its sad to me that there is a pecking order, that people just can't accept everyone as they are in life.

 

[amazingshafeman]

To answer the original question - it goes too far then the person in question become uncomfortable with the ridicule. At at point, the person in question needs to let the others know about the discomfort and everyone should drop it.

Exactly. I have one player that can take an insult like an M1 can take an Eryx rocket in BF2. We regularly entertain whole audiences by verbally bashing each other into oblivion, most insults can't be repeated here due to the grandma filter. However. No mom jokes. His mom passed away when he was young. Mom jokes get you punched in the face. You get one warning. After that, welcome to Bad Things Villa.

Sometimes it depends on how comfortable the individual is with those doing the ribbing, too. My wife is a PCA for a girl with CP. A few of us can throw jokes at her about past and present "CP moments" like taking a chunk out of the wall with her wheelchair because of one distraction or another. She laughs and just tries to run us over...while innocently staring blankly out the window of course. People outside her close circle though can really hurt her feelings with some similar comments.

Bottom line, it's all situational. Any good After School Special will tell you stop means stop.