When someone asks if you want to do something, and you can't do it (for one reason or another), the natural instinct is to say, "I'd love to come to your party, but I have to work late that night." Apparently, what people remember is the part that comes
after the "but" -- that they asked you, but you had some reason not to.
In these situations, flip the order around when you respond: "I have to work late that night, but I would have loved to be able to come to your party." Now that part after the "but" is what you want remembered -- that you wanted to go. They feel better, and they're more likely to ask you again the next time something comes up.
A friend of mine learned this in med school (in a seminar on delivering bad news to patients, I believe), and I've been making a conscious effort to do it for the past few months. I don't have a way to prove that it does what it's supposed to, but it
seems like it does!
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In a similar vein, I used to be terrible with names -- or so I thought. Really, I just wasn't putting any effort into it, so I decided to get better at remembering names.
There are lots of tricks to doing this, but the one that has worked -- amazingly well -- for me is this: when someone tells you their name, use it right away ("Hi, Bob, it's good to meet you"), and then use it again at the end of the conversation ("It was great talking to you, Bob"). You'll be much more likely to remember it.
It sounds corny, but it works -- and I've been surprised at how much of a difference this makes in interacting with people in all sorts of contexts. Even silly things like calling to change your billing address -- where you'll probably never talk to the person on the phone again -- seem to go better.
