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(LHHS) The Light Hearted Hack n' Slash Game (I)

Creamsteak

Explorer
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Begin introduction,

Afternoon is upon you, the sun is setting and the last Giant Beetle has left it’s stable. Why you came here is your own business, but it will be two weeks before you can leave by conventional means.

You find yourself stuck at the local tavern in this small farming community. Ale is cheap; only one copper for a mug, though watered down is the standard this far from civilization. You could order something called “The Harshest Crap in the Land,” but it costs a full 50 gold pieces. Also rumor has it that this very expensive drink is made from the ground up bodies of a certain race, some say kobolds, some say goblins, some say lycanthropes. The one orc that took a drink of this fluid is passed out in the corner, though you witnessed him go into a rage that lasted a full ten minutes after his drink.

The only distractions from the drinking are the occasional bar-tramps looking for enough money to get a ticket out of this pathetic little town. What they will do is only subject to the amount of money a person has.

Around the largest table you can see a group of three adventurers that look like a barrel of gunpowder exploded in the middle of them. Their armor is half melted, and their weapons are destroyed. They are shaken, and a bottle of the local ale is being passed among their group.

In a corner you can see quite the novelty bulletin board. You have yet to go check it, but it seems that a few farmers have already been tempted to read the papers, and seem to be quite excited about what they read.

There are a variety of different individuals in this bar who appear to be adventurers. They are all either extremely well armed, or extremely threatening looking. Some other individuals are scattered about the bar that don’t look like they belong in a farmer’s bar.

One of these men approaches you as he goes around the room. He is a Wood Elf by race, and likely a merchant by class. He speaks, “Greetings and Salutations, my name is Farnim. If you are interested, I could use someone like you. Just come around to the back of the bar when the moon is at its peak, and I’ll be waiting for you.”

The man’s offer is obviously not exclusive, as he is repeating that same phrase to everyone in the bar save for the tramps, farmers, and the barkeep. At one point he even trips and falls on his face into the crotch of the sleeping orc, promptly awakening him and inciting a confrontation. The man gets a good strike against his stomach from the orc before the orc promptly resumes sleeping.

It is half way between the setting of the sun and the hour that the elf requested you meet him. Though you have many hours to consider his offer, you can tell that time will pass quickly before the bar closes and you will be forced to make a choice about whether to spend the night at this bar, or to find yourself a comfortable inn bed.

Updated pretty regularly
 
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Yorick looks up from his drink confused as to what the strange looking softskin said exactly. Figuring it was something about cleaning his pond. With that, Yorick checks his pouch to notice he still doesn't have enough gold yet to afford a trip out of this dive. He nods to the elf, stands up, and walks over to look at the bulletin board.
 
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Khala looks up from his dinner from his spot in a far corner of the room. He is wrapped in a black cloak. His raven grabs the last piece of meat from his place, downs it, then hops up on the cloaked one's shoulder and caws. He listens to the man and nods that he will be there. He then leans back a little and listens to the conversation around him. (Gather info, +6)
 

Macbrea said:
Yorick looks up from his drink confused as to what the strange looking softskin said exactly. Figuring it was something about cleaning his pond. With that, Yorick checks his pouch to notice he still doesn't have enough gold yet to afford a trip out of this dive. He nods to the elf, stands up, and walks over to look at the bulletin board.

The bulletin board is a large steel slate pinned up to the wall by two small rods with joints on them. The front of the board has a few pieces of local town information including the obituaries, a report on the location of living skeleton by a man named Bongo, and a number of other bits of information.

An entertaining article is the first you notice:
Bongo the Monkey here,
Just located a sight I have never expected to behold. This time I found a real moving undead, a living skeleton. I found it while exploring the Long Swamps. As you can see by its thrusting pose, this thing was really trying to attack me. It hasn’t given up in days, and even right now I’m still stuck in a tree. (At this point you notice a painting that looks so real you would think the real thing was right in front of you. The picture is of incredible quality, with every detail highly noticeable. The picture shows a skeleton trying to stab and claw at a dangling shoe over it’s head). I sent my familiar to deliver this note to the press, and I also sent 200 gold to hire me a Cleric. If this note reaches you, please ask the Temple of the Place of the Circle of the Order of the Moon of the Sun to send someone to help me. I am located four miles outside of Tarsal to the north/north-east. Help me.

It occurs to you that this picture is obviously just a creative drawing, and that this man is obviously just gutting for attention-after all everyone knows there is no such thing as undead.

Three of the obituaries catch your eye as being abnormal:
The Gael, Greater Knight of the Temple of the Place of the Circle of the Order of the Moon of the Sun. Born to Lady Phalange and the Great King Pistachio of the Temple of the Place of the Circle of the Order of the Moon of the Sun in the year of the Orange, 9183-9243. Defeated in combat by a Night Troll.

Saluki Guars, Painter of great portraits and father of Pashed the Engraver. Lived and died in the same house as his father, living the life of a great family of local painters. Slain by his own painting, “Saluki’s Dreams” later determined to be possessed by an unknown fiend. Currently the painting has been destroyed and the demon is being hunted down by the Temple of the Place of the Circle of the Order of the Moon of the Sun.

Luscious Francium, Lady of the Night and peddler of magic. Born in the city of Agar, moved to Allimon three weeks ago. Died of natural causes. Suspected of dealing in Wild Rice.

Three Advertisements seem to fit your line of work:
Looking for a Tracker. Searching for Artifacts in the Dwemer ruins. Have encountered Dwarven Golems. Mostly spiders, but there may be worse. My servant has delivered this advertisement to the press. He will be waiting for anyone wishing to hire on for my expedition in Allimon with an initial starting payment of 1000 gold pieces. Further payment will be provided when the job is done.

Kobolds are on the rise. The Temple of the Place of the Circle of the Order of the Moon of the Sun is paying 10 gold pieces a scalp. Night Kobolds are worth double. Triple the price for a mage (must provide full body for verification). Visit your local Temple Acolyte to register.

Alert to all towns in the Shoran Region. Two trolls have escaped custody of our great King Pistachio. Their names are Hanz and Franz and can quickly be recognized by their lisps and elven shoes. Keep your doors and windows locked at night, the deviant trolls have been reported for eating at least six different individuals already. Be warned, they are not normal trolls, and anyone who kills them will be punished by the Temple of the Place of the Order of the Moon of the Sun. There is a 20,000 gold piece reward for their safe return.

The final thing you read is obviously the most disturbing:
Slaves for sale, all are Top rate Simulacrum Slaves. We have simulacrums of the strongest men, the most beautiful women, and the most adorable children. Non-Simulacrum Lizard-folk and Cat People for sale at 1/3rd the price. Please talk to Morrus in Mauston for trades. Deals cut for mass purchases. We still have six late edition Lady Spears for bidding.
 
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Darkwolf said:
Khala looks up from his dinner from his spot in a far corner of the room. He is wrapped in a black cloak. His raven grabs the last piece of meat from his place, downs it, then hops up on the cloaked one's shoulder and caws. He listens to the man and nods that he will be there. He then leans back a little and listens to the conversation around him. (Gather info, +6)

The three adventurers:
Adventurers – A group consisting of a lizard folk barbarian, a human fighter, and a Breton cleric sit together at a table. The three of them will proudly claim that their battle scars are from a group of Kobolds that inhabit a silver mine a few miles to the east of the town. They have a small fotune in silver pieces on them. They are happily telling anyone that requests the information where to locate the kobolds, and what kind of defenses to expect. One quote of particular interest catches your ear, "The true threat of the kobolds is that they eat only Suicide Fruit."

A Flush of Imagery
This picture appears in your mind along with this word:
Reaver
mini_srwp020.jpg
 
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Fangtooth grunts his acknowledgement to the little wood elf man, and goes back to his drink. "Of course little girly elf man needs help, after all no elf can ever do what an orc can!" Fangtooth thinks to himself. In the meantime, he will order some more food, and listen in the local conversations.
 

Yorick ponders aloud, "Do kobold'ss even have sscalps and why would the elf need help with hiss pond?" He walks over to the orc sitting at his table, "My talk must be failing me orc ssoftsskin, did elf ssoftsskin ssay he needed help with hisss pond?" , Yorick seems to stare at Fangtooth.
 
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A man with a black cloak and hood steps into the inn. He takes a quick look around, without showing his face, then he goes for the bullettin. One of the obituaries seems to catch his attention, then he walks to the bartender and lay a copper piece on the the table without saying a word. He is drinking his beer when he's approched by Farnim. He answers him with husky, creepy voice: "I'm not sure you'd like to meet me in a dark alley. Anyway, I'll be there."

He remains there quietly sipping his beer, secretly studying the other customers, trying to discern those too dumb or drunk to care about their money. (Search +8)
 
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You see a very large head perched on a very large neck peek in thru the back window and ask the bartender in hard-to-understand-Common, "I finished delivering the supplies, Slade.
Can I have a veggie plate now?
I don't wanna have to forage in the woods again tonight - the pickins are getting slim."


This large strange-looking scale-covered something-or-other looks around the bar and sees the others present.

"Gimme an ale while you're up, please. Hauling stuff is thirsty business, but it's good work, at least."
 

Into the Woods

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