Lines I'd like to see Morrus put into his Gencon report

[orbitalfreak]

Morrus, after a TPK: "It's game over, man, game over!"

EricNoah, after spending a day Morrus: "Go away, and never come back. Go AWAY and NEVER come back! GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK!!"

...on the OGL: "Open Gaming is upon us, whether we would risk it or not."

Andy Collins, on D&D3.5: "You know, it's amazing. You can acutally write a book, and print it out on one of those little presses, and it's then and only then you realize, 'Something's Wrong'. Now, I've read it and I've read it, and it never hit me, till one day I was sittin' in a chat room at home, and it came over the screen.
And I said "Andy--" That's what I go by back home is Andy... I said "Andy, would you have handled this ruleset this way?" And I said "No, I don't think I would."
So, I hope you don't mind, but I sat down and wrote a new revision, to make things a little more meaningful, if you know what I mean."
--Can you guess the reference?

Morrus: "Bloody Hell, you can get that many dice for a Pound?!?"

 

[pogre]

Morrus: That's a funny story PC.

PC: Funny how?

Morrus: You know - funny.

PC: But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f***in' amuse you?

E. Noah: No PC he's just sayin'...

PC: Let him talk Eric. Russ is a big boy.

Morrus: What? you...

PC: How the f*** am I funny? What the f*** is so funny about me?

Morrus: What? what... Get the f*** outta' here!

[laughter]

PC: I had him going. Did you see him? I'm not to sure about you Morrus. I think you might fall apart as a Defender.

 

[GravyFingerz]

"He's the greatest; he's fantastic! Wherever there is gaming he'll be there! He's the ace; he's amazing! He's the strongest he's the quickest he's the best! Eric Noah! Eric Noah! Eric Noah!"

Guess what cartoon that theme song comes from

 

[Beckett]

"This con would be great if it wasn't for the f-ing gamers."

 

[simmo]

'I am not Eric Noah,' he said, 'my name is Crothian. I inherited this web site from the previous Eric Noah, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Eric Noah either - his name was Morrus. The real Noah had been retired 15 years and was living like a king in Milwaukee.

 

[Maggan]

Great thread!

I'll pitch in a few of my own:

Report on the front page of ENWorld:

"All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy. All work and no play makes Morrus a dull boy..."

Delivered with an inquisitive frown on his face:
"I say, why are all those people bending over by the Wizards of the Coast booth?"

To disgruntled Fast Forward Executive:
"Morrus? Morrrrruss? Morus? Nah, never heard of him... And this review thing you keep going on about. Never heard of it either. I'm a respectable business person... I deal in... d20s... NO... trading cards... yes... trading cards. Or camels, actually. NO! Yes..."

To Eric Noah:
Morrus: "What, you only got people to give enough money for me to GET here. But... but... I wanna go home!"
Eric: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Morrus."

To Eric's grandma (with apologies to Eric's grandma):
"Yes, I promise I'll have a chat to hong... yes... yes... and we will speak politely to each other... yes... yes... no profanity... yes... yes... could you please roll that die so that we can get on with the game... no... no... I'm not stressed... yes... yes... Eric is a nice guy... yes, I took a shower this morning..."

At random gaming session:
Morrus "'Tis but a flesh wound!"
DM: "But your whole arm's off!"

To Gary Gygax:
"So, what's this D&D thing, anyway?"

Cheers and have a good trip, all of you going to GenCon! Take care!

M.

 

[Ravellion]

"I have to remember to give Ravellion a suitcase full of money when he visits England the next time"

Yup, definitely would like to see that in his report.

Rav

 

[drnuncheon]

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said "Two small icosahedral stones
Stood on the table; Near them, in my hand,
Half stained, a wrinkled character...whose scrawls
And BAB, and notes of spells and gold
Tell that its player well these rules read;
Which yet survive, scrawl'ed in these ancient tomes,
The feats to slay with and the wounds that bled.
And on the character these words appear:
"My Name is Russell Morrissey, Brit of Brits,
Look upon my crit range and despair." Nothing beside remains.
Round the decay of that collosal nerf, smudged and erase'd,
The lone and level sheet stretched far away.

J

 

[Ghostwind]

Can't believe no one who knows Morrus hasn't thought of this one...

Morrus: "So where can I find a proper pub in Indy?"
Gamer: "Pub? Is that a new d20 game?"
Morrus: "No. It's an establishment where you folk get together and drink. You know, a pub. P-U-B..."
Gamer: "Oh, a bar. Indy has lots of those."
Morrus: "No, I mean a pub."
Gamer: "Look, it's called a BAR. B-A-R. Not a pub."
Morrus: "Well obviously it isn't a bloody pub. If it was, you'd have real beer served at the proper temperature and in sizes befitting a real man. It would be real alcohol and not the watery stuff you chaps seem to think is decent."

 

[Gnarlo]

"...Then finally, standing in line at the Malhavoc booth, behind the 300 pound guy in the chainmail bikini who was in his 20th minute of telling Monte about how his 30th level Half-halfling tiefling assassin-paladin-drunken master had single handedly defeated the Temple of Elemental Evil, finally, I understood the American obsession with guns...."

"...If Adlon calls me bloke one more time ...."

"You sure do got a pertty mouth"