Okay, you all knew the producer would get around to this one eventually...
First off, welcome to ENWorld, for a first post you sure didn't fool around did ya? Please keep in mind that I am an independent music producer, audio engineer, drummer, percussionist, vocalist and lyricist; my opinion doesn't matter anymore than anyone elses, but at least it comes from a point of having been there before.
So on to the critique:
You obviously have worked on this quite a bit, the parts show some cohesiveness that is usually unheard of in a raw take, though there is still a fair amount of work you could do. If I were producing, I would use this as a guide tape for the "real" recording.
At 4:25 and 6:30 (the break outs/downs) the bass line is a little wonky. I'm not sure if the player got lost, got tired or missed but it was evident to my ear. I'm pretty sure I know what he wanted to do, but he missed. If I had a full studio, I would just punch it in instead of re-recording the whole thing, if you have that capability (and cakewalk/pro tools does) I would do so.
The drummer is WAY too busy. And remember, I'm a drummer saying this. The part is overly complex in relation to the rest of the instruments. The groove is solid, but with a song this long, it's apparent that he/she gets tired about 2/3rds of the way through and it loosens up considerably. It would be better to come up with a solid tight groove that holds the song together and then add a percussion line over the top of it. Most of the disjointed fills could be accomplished with a set of timbales much more effectively, and even though I'm gonna hear the comparison, using a wood block or a cowbell to mark the time would serve to tighten up the entire group.
The keys sound good, but are too under-powered. Probably sounds hotter live than recorded, but whoever the engineer is (you are multi-tracking right?) should have their hands slapped. If this is being tapped "studio live", please re-consider and track the parts. It may feel alien the first couple times you do it, but in the end, the polish is worth the trouble, also, a click track is not your enemy, it's your friend.
For a jazz/fusion combo the song itself is surprisingly hummable. Though every musician, sans keys tends to want to gallop off an their own (ie traditional jazz over playing) the group as a whole manages to keep it together so that someone having heard it for the first time could get it stuck in their head and start humming it for the rest of the day. Not an easy task for a J/F tune, so nicely done there.
Overall, you have a very solid number, the name doesn't elicit the visuals the song's title is after, but names can be altered and the piece is too good to scrap over a naming convention. Though as stated above a few heavier sounding key sounds overlaid in disharmonious minors during the break might actually tie both the name and the music together. (the bass not being the instrument to do it if that was what he/she was trying to accomplish.) I'd love to hear this when it's "done" and then again after it's been post-produced.
