D&D 5E (2014) New Spells

[cbwjm]

shield of farts

Hm. Conjuration...Evocation...Necromancy?

Necromancy, because it smells like something crawled up and died in there.

 

[pukunui]

Anyone want to try statting up Snade the Pood Beast?

 

[EvanNave55]

Quite a few of those would actually make good and sensical spells.

Sent from my XT1635-01 using EN World mobile app

 

[Eltab]

Wall of Distraction

Creates several squares' worth of those annoying flashing brilliantly-lit billboards that you can see from three blocks away in the pouring rain, with animated pics on them. Limited Time Offer!

Generates a bunch of Playboy mags &c. and/or dating site posts.

Several kids burst into the room "I'm hungry, what's for dinner!" The wall is their formation when they stop moving - but keep demanding/wheedling/whining for something to eat.

IRS agent walks into the room and demands everybody (both sides in the fight) get current with their taxes RIGHT NOW. The wall is the paperwork you have to fill out.

Door-to-door salesman does same. This wall is his products for a live in-your-home (-dungeon?) demonstration.

A room deodorizer is conjured into existence, and malfunctions utterly. This wall is made of smoke.

One pre-existing wall of the room is replaced with some exotic substance - flesh, ice, a waterfall, shaped sand, hair, ...

 

[Eltab]

Anyone want to try statting up Snade the Pood Beast?

Would that be the thing hiding in Anakin's podracer engine that grabbed Jar Jar's tongue and would not let go? (scene from Prequel 1)

 

[Eltab]

Chorus of the Dave

There is a radio commercial running locally for an employment website claiming that the inferior people you hire from other job sites are all named Dave and do silly/stupid stuff.
This spell might get you a bunch of them singing something "motivational" that indicates they don't really know what's going on around them.

Song of the Darn

This gets you the early-80s song by Genesis with Phil Collins singing lead: "Oh, did I miss again? I think I missed again. Uh-huh."

It also might get you a magic knitting needle or two working on stitching up holes in socks, which stop what they are doing and fly over to poke your opponents.

Summon Storm Bear

Bigger than a grizzly bear, roar that does thunder damage in a cone, can lightning-zap anybody it hits with both paws, might automatically change the weather to Raining until the spell's duration ends or the enemy kills the beast, in 4e could be a manifestation of the primal spirit of a bear. Special: If you have a regular Bear in the encounter, this summons is Mamma Bear and she gets MEAN to anybody who messes with 'her cubs'.

Song of Distraction

You know "Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits. 'Nuff said.

Summon Ass

This spell unfortunately is entwined with chaos magic. Roll 1d20
On a roll of 10+, you get a donkey. On a roll of 20, you get the donkey who became a minor character in Pukunui's Icewind Dale campaign.
On a roll of 9-, you get a Commoner who is a total jerk to be around. On a roll of 1, you get an NPC who is a total jerk to be around; has character levels = the party's; a chip on his shoulder plus an axe to grind against them; this NPC becomes a recurring character in the storyline; always seeks to hinder the PCs' achievements.

Treeking of Star

This is a typo. You summon a half-dozen members of the crew of the Starship Enterprise (who of course arrive via transporter). Beware hanging around any who wear red shirts. The guy in a gold shirt and the two guys in blue shirts will spend the next hour of real time figuring out how their transporter went wrong, solving the problem presented before them, and automatically return to their ship at the end of the duration. One of them says "Beam us up, Scotty" before they disappear.

Charm of the Cods

The more widespread version of this spell is used by fishermen; they cast it on their nets to enhance their catch.
The lesser-known version is often cast in "gentlemens clubs" on patrons who wish to impress the staff with their after-hours performance.
Rumor persists that there is a third version of this spell which causes all blows or projectiles aimed at the caster to strike high on his torso or below his knees but not in between.

Curse Clam

Cast this on a shellfish and prepare it for dinner. Feed it to your enemy. After he eats the clam, the spell functions like Bestow Curse on him.
This spell can also be combined with Magic Mouth to get a shellfish that has a few impolite words to say before being eaten.

Cursing Wink

The local name for "giving somebody the Evil Eye".
In some foreign cultures, winking at somebody is considered a way to call down the wrath of fey spirits upon him.

If your character is familiar with a game called "Tiddely Winks", you really don't want to use this game piece.

Mordenkainen’s lucubrabibiboricic angion

This spell causes all casters within earshot to speak in meaningless babble. They cannot cast spells unless they make a Save against this effect.
Rumor among bounty hunters says that Mordenkainen has a contract out on whoever applied his name to this spell.

 

[pukunui]

[MENTION=6803337]Eltab[/MENTION]: I'm impressed that you remember that donkey!

 

[Eltab]

I'm impressed that you remember that donkey!

What I remember the most was
1) NPC power: No matter what happens, the donkey gets away from Team Monster and wanders back to meet the heroes after the action is over.
2) If somebody would cast Awaken on him, he can spend don-ki on his Way of the Open Hoof kick attacks.

 

[Ancalagon]

I don't know about this new list. Finger of Enftebtemang had a certain panache...

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using EN World mobile app

 

[Lidgar]

What I remember the most was
1) NPC power: No matter what happens, the donkey gets away from Team Monster and wanders back to meet the heroes after the action is over.
2) If somebody would cast Awaken on him, he can spend don-ki on his Way of the Open Hoof kick attacks.

Are you sure it wasn't a mule or better yet, Donkey/Horse?