Pineapple Express: Someone Is Wrong on the Internet?

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

The authors that I know are constantly surprised by the skulduggery that their character get up to, when they should be following the script.

Yeah, I'm told the first draft is to find out what happens and the second is to make it all look purposeful.

 

[Meech17]

@Meech17

If I receive and eat the banana, does that create an attorney-client relationship between us? Or does that mean I will get disbarred for messing with your retainer that should be in a trust account?

Thinking ... Pretty sure that's the only question on the Mississippi Bar.

Anyway, this brief contract thing reminded me of a funny issue (for me, not so much for the other side) that came up recently in litigation regarding people who stupidly put in boilerplate. There was litigation over a commercial lease (think really big property). The lessor (landlord) brought the action to enforce terms of the lease after the lessee (tenant) had vacated, and after the lease expired.

I know, thrilling so far! Anyway, this was a massive lease (80 some pages). After looking at it, I saw that someone had added a boilerplate term that didn't matter that said it survived the lease. And none of the other terms had that language....

Which meant that by adding that boilerplate term, the lessor ensured that they couldn't enforce any provisions of the contract after the lease was over. Oops.

Thinking.... this is why I don't share many funny issues, isn't it?

I very briefly worked for a law firm as a non-attorney sales person. (It was one of the worst jobs I've ever had, while also being one of the most lucrative, but that's besides the point.) The law firm specialized in Elder Care and estate planning. One of the common objections to our services was

"Why should I pay you bozos thousands of dollars to do this when my nephew says he can make me a will online for $100?"

The attorneys all had plenty of stories like yours where random catch-all boilerplate stuff could throw a wrench into things, and by paying for our high-end bozo services you'd get a custom, tailor made solution that was applicable specifically to you.

It worked some of the time.

 

[Bedrockgames]

You mean, let me understand this cause, you know maybe it's me, it's a little messed up maybe, but you're summoning me like I'm you're monkey. What, you think I'm you're trained monkey here to amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to frakkin' amuse you?

ahem

Uh, let's see. Non-disparagement clauses are usually boilerplate in settlement documents and (sometimes) in releases and waivers, especially those that go to employment when there has been an agreement, either an employment agreement or termination agreement- which is a settlement in not so many words.

And yes, because they are boilerplate, they are usually just included with standard language. And they are "perpetual" in the sense that they are usually not time-limited (they don't expire, and can be enforced at any time). That said, IMO and IME, I think the ratio is probably at least 1: ONE BEELLEEON when it comes to enforcement of it as opposed to the number of times it's tossed into an agreement.

That said, it's not that common to have an NDA combined with a non-disparagement for people that aren't directly employed by the contracting entity. I would be more concerned about the scope of the language (what does it cover) than the time, but like a lot of things I've covered, it's probably not malice, but just some overeager person straight out of law school dropping boilerplate language into something that doesn't need it.

TLDR; 1. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A FREE HUMAN BEING; 2. Hard to make any definitive statements without looking at the actual full contract; 3. I assume, to the extent it is overbroad and dumb, it's not malice, it's just stupid boilerplate.

SUMMON SNARF LEGAL MONKEY
Level: 5
Range: 6" per level
Duration: 3 minutes/level
Area of Effect: Special
Components: V, M
Casting Time: 4 segments
Saving Throw: Special

Within 1-6 rounds of casting this spell, the magic-user will cause the appearance of @Snarf Zagyg to answer 1-10 legal questions of the casters choice. If the target fails their saving throw, Joe Pesci appears in Snarf's stead, furious at a perceived slight and armed with a baseball bat (see JOE PESCI, MM, 77). The material components for this spell are a collection of Kino Lorber Studio Classic blu-ray discs of the casters choice.

 

[Umbran]

The attorneys all had plenty of stories like yours where random catch-all boilerplate stuff could throw a wrench into things, and by paying for our high-end bozo services you'd get a custom, tailor made solution that was applicable specifically to you.

It worked some of the time.

So, small-batch, artisanal bozo service solutions to throw a wrench into things?

 

[overgeeked]

The authors that I know are constantly surprised by the skulduggery that their characters get up to, when they should be following the script.

Most of the ones I know mostly riff and improv their way through. Everything's a surprise. No script to follow in the first place.

Yeah, I'm told the first draft is to find out what happens and the second is to make it all look purposeful.

That's certainly one way to look at it.

 

[trappedslider]

You mean, let me understand this cause, you know maybe it's me, it's a little messed up maybe, but you're summoning me like I'm you're monkey. What, you think I'm you're trained monkey here to amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to frakkin' amuse you?

Yes and thank you.

 

[Ryujin]

Most of the ones I know mostly riff and improv their way through. Everything's a surprise. No script to follow in the first place.

That's certainly one way to look at it.

The ones that I know seem to know the beginning and end of the story, and just need to work out how to get there. Unfortunately, their characters frequently conspire against them.

 

[prabe]

The ones that I know seem to know the beginning and end of the story, and just need to work out how to get there. Unfortunately, their characters frequently conspire against them.

I generally know the situation at any given time. I generally don't know what will happen next, even if I think I know some thing/s that will happen later.

 

[prabe]

My thoughts on the topic are clear, but probably not entirely responsive to the original post, let alone the way the thread will likely have drifted by now.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

SUMMON SNARF LEGAL MONKEY
Level: 5
Range: 6" per level
Duration: 3 minutes/level
Area of Effect: Special
Components: V, M
Casting Time: 4 segments
Saving Throw: Special

Within 1-6 rounds of casting this spell, the magic-user will cause the appearance of @Snarf Zagyg to answer 1-10 legal questions of the casters choice. If the target fails their saving throw, Joe Pesci appears in Snarf's stead, furious at a perceived slight and armed with a baseball bat (see JOE PESCI, MM, 77). The material components for this spell are a collection of Kino Lorber Studio Classic blu-ray discs of the casters choice.

Copying that into my spellbook…