I am now bringing you this VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
On Saturday, the Florida Panthers are facing the ... checks notes .... Edmonton Oilers (??!!??) in the first game of the Stanley Cup!
For those of you who don't know, the Stanley Cup is an award given to the best field hockey team in the world. checks notes No, wait, it's the best air hockey team!
Ahem. Apparently, I have been misled. It is an award to the best ice hockey team in the world.....
....in North America.
Sorry. The best ice hockey team amongst the teams in Canada and American (aka, real 'Murkiuh, aka, the United States therof). Anyway, the winner gets a giant cup filled with Molson beer and Tim Hortons donuts to take home to their city.
This matchup is an historic battle between the two well-known hotbeds of snow sports- Edmonton, which is apparently a collection of igloos and drunken bison in Canada, and Broward County, Florida, which is known for elderly people wearing black socks with sandals.
Anyway, I am making this announcement because I need everyone here rooting for the Florida team. One of my long-running references* is that Canada hasn't won a Stanley Cup since 1993. I think it's important that we all root for Canada to keep that streak alive! After all, we wouldn't want them to lose that streak, because no one like a loser.
*True fact- I only have two. Not all my facts are guaranteed to be true. Or facts.