(RANT) (longish) A player wishes to drop

[ColonelHardisson]

...it was announced at the end of a gaming session that left off in a real cliff hanger that this was her last night because she had the “gaming opportunity of a life time”.

I assume that's a direct quote. What did she mean by that? I can't quite wrap my head around it. Was she gaming with a famous game designer? Playtesting a major new release by a major designer or company? Other than that, I can't think of anything in our hobby that would constitute enough of an "opportunity of a lifetime" that it would eclipse gaming with one's friends. Even then, I don't think it would justify her PC receiving any xp in the meantime.

13 years? Jeez, she's just getting started; I'm sure she'll come around when the "new gamer" smell wears off...

 

[MarauderX]

So what if the new group she is with is 'nicer', or has better house rules? If she doesn't like the game you are running, that's her choice, let her go. Should you be upset? Well, yeah, I would be too, but not with her - I would be upset with myself. You and your fellow players may seem to have a style that suites what you want, but when you have a player that gets frustrated repeatedly with your rules then let them go if they want. In one campaign I am in, when your PC dies your replacement has exactly 1/2 the XP. New players have started at the same XP as the other top PCs, but that's how it is and I accept it.

Sounds like your player doesn't agree with how tough you make your game, so let her go and find someone else.

 

[emergent]

I'll just add my vote to the "let her go" category, but only because it sounds as if that's the only option she left open to you. If she would have come to you and the group earlier and explained the problems she was having, then maybe you guys could have worked something out. As it stands, I am not sure there is much you can do. The important thing is to keep the remainder of your group intact and happy. I'd talk to them to make sure no one else will harbor issues about the player's departure and to see if there is any other feelings anyone is harboring that could cause problems down the road.

Good luck!

 

[Piratecat]

Sorry for my english i hope this is understandable enough..

Your English is much better than our Italian.

Actually, Ashrum, this may make you want to do a little evaluation. Every year or so, I send my players a questionnaire asking what they like and don't like about the game, and what they'd prefer to change. It's usually quite useful for deciding if I need to tweak my DMing style. I'll never be so secure as to believe that I couldn't stand some improvement, so this helps me identify the weak spots.

 

[Rune]

Actually, Ashrum, this may make you want to do a little evaluation. Every year or so, I send my players a questionnaire asking what they like and don't like about the game, and what they'd prefer to change. It's usually quite useful for deciding if I need to tweak my DMing style. I'll never be so secure as to believe that I couldn't stand some improvement, so this helps me identify the weak spots.

Actually, I do it every session. Very briefly. I ask them what was good, what was bad and what was downright ugly. Takes a bout a minute, but I make sure that they write it down. The real trick is getting them to not be polite.

 

[Fenes 2]

I have as a general rule an easy going nature.

When a player broaches a subject to me with the fact that they have decided they need to leave, I thank them, mention how i wished it was different and let them go.

when a player broaches a problem with me by bringing it up and wanting to figure out how to handle it, with no "or i leave" hanging over the discussion, then i work with them and bend over backwards.

if she had brought this up for discussion and solution before she reached the "i should leave" stage, then you should have worked with her. If she brought it up only once she had reached the " i should leave " stage, then let her go and speak kindly of her.

*********************

Xp and levels... in my games, xp is not earned and advancement is simply a means of showing progress. If your PC is away for a while, we assume he is doing things and he keeps pace. Then when you return you level up to match the party. you may even have acquired magic items.

This is because having the gang at the same level makes things much easier for everybody and keeps all the characters on par with the threats. This is not a competition to grab more xp. A significantly weaker PC can very easily be untenable if the challenges are tough.

So i do not make the occasional absebces or even the rare leaves of absence into a level issue. It seems to have worked well. But then, thats just our way of looking at it.

Amen to that. I have seen players go, and I never try to persuade them to stay - IMHO, it does not work out. If you have some issues with the game, then one can accomodate it, but if you are about to leave... as long as the group as a whole has fun it probably is better that way.

As far as XP goes, IMC the PCs always are of the same level. A player has been in the army for almost a year - should I penalize his PC for that? Not in my opinion. I don't see D&D as a competition, where the PCs and players "earn" their xp, but as a game without winner or loser where the goal is to have fun.

I doubt I'd have fun with people who want to be "better" than others in a roleplaying game, and who don't think the fun of playing is reward enough for attending more often.

 

[reapersaurus]

Each character is in the 16-18 level range and through adventuring has a minor artifact.

There's your problem right there, perhaps.

If you have people who are not exactly rules-mongers, that tends to bring into question the high level.
Likewise, if the group is surprised when someone talks in character, I doubt if they're experienced enough to need high-level play.

Lower levels are vastly easier to play, both roleplaying and game mechanic-wise.

Your group seems to obsessed with "who's a newbie - who's new to the group", etc.
Your remark of her saying she was tired of being patronized by the group speaks volumes. I can't picture someone saying that, and not being correct about it - it's rare for someone to mis-read ongoing patronizing.

I'd guess that she's right in at least a few remarks, and that your group could get better. Problem is, without her side, we're just shooting in the dark, because there's almost no way for you to properly see what it's like from her side of the dice.

 

[Dirt]

---Some of my house rules (you want to make a new character, then it comes in two levels lower than your current character) where considered “barbaric”.


In that case...

:Fathead, in an obvious act of barbarism, begins clubbing his fellow enworlders

We have a very similar house rule. When you make a new character, it starts out 1 level lower than the lowest level in the party (or the same level as the lowest level, if I felt that the player role-played well). This helps to discourage abandoning characters, and makes them a bit more careful with their own character (particularly since we have another house rule that a character may only be raised once). Our game is very heavily oriented around roleplaying as opposed to combat, so these house rules probably wouldn't work with many groups...call it barbaric...

 

[reapersaurus]

Actually, I do it every session. Very briefly. I ask them what was good, what was bad and what was downright ugly. Takes a bout a minute, but I make sure that they write it down. The real trick is getting them to not be polite.

God ^&*!
If I ever met a DM like this that was any good, I'd never leave their gaming table.

Trust me, you wouldn't have to shoo me away from being an 'agreeable player to the point of not helping' : I believe that the game is a group effort, and the DM NEEDS feedback - constructive criticism and positive reinforcement on the stuff that did work - to make a memorable game.

 

[Dinkeldog]

Fathead, I've been in the situation of joining a group. They were 8th level except one that was 7th about to go to 8th. I came in at 6th. It blows chunks. Big chunks that you didn't have the foresight to chew particularly well the first time.

Really, gaming is not work or college, and one shouldn't be needlessly be penalized while playing. If your player with a fighter decides he'd rather be a druid, why punish him for changing?