There is no word prior to the disagreement, yes. But once we finally discover that there's a huge disagreement that needs to be reconciled, we have to go through the painful, laborious process of turning unwritten into written, so that we can reconcile it. When it is unwritten, unspoken, invisible, it's not possible to reconcile those deep disagreements because we have no words to express them.
I am sorry, but as I said I don't think I have ever encountered a situation that matches what you describe here. In particular the premise "need to be reconciled" is one I have a hard time envisioning how could be the case. The "agree to disagree" and continue amicable relations are a very well known technique for a reason.
For instance a relative common case I have seen in relationships (outside the scope of games) is that there might be a major underlying difference in perspective that is expressed in a spesific way. Often it is possible to find a practical arrangement both can live with that covers that spesific expression, without trying to unpack the entire underlying problem. It might not be an ideal way of doing things, especially in the context of deeper relationships. In the context of a game however you can often get away with it, or at least throw in a quickpatch until it can be furter hashed out out of session.
And if you are unable to find aproperiate words even out of session, then trying to establish a good answer to the problem situation up front trough written rules, without even being aware of this being a potential issue seem a bit ambitious?
How do you then resolve a deep disagreement where person 1 says "A" and means <X> but person 2 says "A" and means <Y>? The differences are entirely obscured by not having words to express them.
If both person 1 and person 2 are able to say "A" Then you are aleady in the domain of words? That is I fail to see how the exact same problem doesn't also apply for written rules?
Well. I was more meaning how we've had to do things like spend 500+ posts hashing out what "simulation" means before we can even begin having a conversation of any utility.
Yes. As I have said I am not happy with the language we have available. That however is also a problem with written rules, isn't it? If words with poorly defined meaning is used in a rules text that would give the same problems as if you for instance carelessly mentioned it oraly when pitching a game (creating unintended expectations)
I don't see how it's not utterly essential to this topic. Those strong opinions are where the aforementioned "person 1 says 'A' and means <X> but person 2 says 'A' and means <Y>" situations arise. If strongly-held opinions cannot, even in principle, be reconciled--if person 2 will never, under any circumstance, ever accept that 'A' should mean <X> and not <Y> even under limitations--then person 2 is unwilling to cooperate with others. The only result they'll ever accept is total capitulation to their opinions. That's an insoluble situation, and thus, such people absolutely should not be playing any game, TTRPG or not.
Certainly more than "cannot play games". They'll almost certainly struggle with all parts of socializing in our world. There's a joke I'm tempted to crack here but it might run afoul of bringing IRL topics into game discussion.
Well, this might be so, but I still do not see how these observations are relevant with regard to prefering rules to be written rather than unwritten?
They're in a stronger position because how can you tell them they're wrong when there's no information to base that on?
It's stronger by way of being almost totally immune to refutation.
If they make a claim shaped as a objective truth claim rather than as an expression of subjective opinion, I tought pointing out the complete lack of evidence for the claim was considered a solid refutation?
I mean, maybe they do, but general conversation isn't what is most relevant here, is it? It's how we resolve ambiguous situations. That's what gaming is....kind of about? If we could just declare resolutions to ambiguities, we'd truly be doing pure improv theater (or freeform roleplay, more or less the same thing). Relying on unwritten, unspoken, invisible rules in order to resolve ambiguities is extremely likely to, sooner or later, produce an ambiguity where critical parts of what make it ambiguous are obscured behind the things we have no words for because they've been offloaded into the "invisible rulebooks". That's when the nightmare begins.
This is a new perspective on gaming to me. As such I might not quite get what you are trying to say here. However I will still try to give it a go.
I think in one way I must fully grant you the point in the scope of how I understand your statement's relevancy. I fully agree that the central ambiguities that make out the
game should be determined by explicit rules provided prior to resolution, preferably in written form. I think for instance fudging is either cheating or otherwise invalidating the game in this sense. And Illusionism would be making it look like there is a game when there is indeed none.
However the problem is that I am pretty sure there isn't, and can never be, a TTRPG that resolves
all game relevant fictional ambiguities via game in this sense via explicit rules. An attempt at doing so would likely be recognised as some more traditional type of board game like experience. Even if for instance the outcome of the written rules demand something interesting to happen and list a lot of principles for how such an interesting thing should be chosen, this will in general not be able to single out a unique possible narration of the outcome. The details not specified would become part of the fiction and hence could fuel future ambiguities to be resolved via game.
So how to resolve this ambiguity about which of possibly thousands of possible narration to use? I think
all ttrpgs rely on one of the participants (don't need to be the GM) to
just declare a resolution. And moreover I believe
all TTRPGS to some extent depend on the one singled out to provide this declaration to take into account a number of unwritten rules when making this declaration. A game can try to limit the scope of this disambiguity by explicit rules, and hence somewhat reduce the dependency on unwritten rules - but I dont think it can ever be fully eliminated.
So this reduces the central question to: How much of what happens in a TTRPG should be determined by written rules? All is not an available answer, and indeed the more you approaches that limit, the less flexible and more board-game like the experience become. However as you point out the other extreme enters pure improv/freeform territory.
And I have to emphasise there are nothing wrong with improv/freeform or board games! I can highly enjoy all of these activities. And that also mean I can enjoy a wide range of TTRPG aproaches. However being overly concerned about unwritten rules can make that problematic. For one thing it seem like something you can never fully escape, and if you try to limit it you quickly paint yourself into the board game like corner - potentially missing out on some of what then full breadth of what TTRPGing has to offer.