D&D 5E REALLY REALLY BAD DM ADVICE

[CleverNickName]

"Hi, I'm looking for a D&D group to game with. Just one small thing: I hate D&D so we won't be playing it. Who's interested?"

What could possibly go wrong?

 

[prabe]

To be fair he claims that he doesn't want to do a bait-and-switch. That he's going to be up front about what he's doing. But the more he explained, the less and less relationship to D&D his game was going to have. If I were in his shoes I'd advertise something like "Looking for a horror campaign alternative to D&D?".

It's more that he pivoted from running a horror campaign in D&D to running something that threw out practically all of the rules.

That's fair. I guess the threads seemed more baited-and-switched than his games will be. I kinda checked out when it became clear he wasn't interested in ideas for actually running horror in actual D&D (which can work, at least for short stretches, I've done it).

 

[Weiley31]

Only the plot matters. Fudge dice rolls, change monster HP on the fly (or better yet, don't even use HP for monsters. You can just have them die whenever it "feels right.") Whatever you need to do to get the in-game events to line up with the plot you wrote ahead of time.

I mean, it's NOT MY FAULT the Oathbreaker Paladin rival, who killed the brother of the Sorcerer player and the lover of the Ranger player, had two counts of Second Wind. As a boss he has three bars of HP don't ya know! One bar via regular hp and the other two via Second Wind.

 

[Weiley31]

Legit good dm advise: NEVER be afraid to give monsters class feats to help increase difficulty in fights. Like that Elite Hobgoblin captain? Make him use the Sword College Bard Flourish dice to emphasize he's better than most of the mooks.

And for certain beats and scenes: don't play pop, but play good music: Like Meet Again, the Theme of Justice, from Guilty Gear, during a major climatic boss fight in the campaign.

 

[Undrave]

Never name anything without a pun or some form of word play. The World is Puns!

 

[Oofta]

Put no thought whatsoever into names. Always make them up on the fly. It's perfectly fine if every NPC is named Bob and are residents of Bobtown.

 

[CleverNickName]

Never kill a character without the player's permission. Remember that players are allowed to make any decisions they want without suffering any negative consequences whatsover, especially death, unless they tell you otherwise, beforehand, specifically, in writing. So fudge your rolls, modify your monster's actions, do whatever you must to ensure no character ever dies or is likewise inconvenienced. Players love a game with 0% risk and 100% reward.

Always remember that if something bad should ever happen to a character, it's always your fault and you should work on improving your poor DM skills. It's never poor planning or bad luck.

 

[Weiley31]

Put no thought whatsoever into names. Always make them up on the fly. It's perfectly fine if every NPC is named Bob and are residents of Bobtown.

Bob will remember that.

 

[alienux]

Session 0: Everyone must memorize the list of badwrongfun

 

[MNblockhead]

When in Rome, do what Romans do. Dress for the occasion. Therefore, when running a game, make your players feel comfortable by not showering, changing clothes, brushing your teeth, or using toilet paper for a few days.