Spoilers Rebel Moon-my spoiler review

[Ryujin]

So during my enforced flu media diet, when I try to watch dumb movies (and occasionally a few not-so-dumb movies) that I pick pretty much at random, I watched Love and Monsters, all three Equalizers, Lucy, Sick, Flash, Blue Beetle, and Rebel Moon. (I also watched Asteroid City, but that was a good film).

Of all of those, Rebel Moon stood out for being breathtakingly dumb. The only one that even comes close is Lucy. Which was a terrible movie (don't even try to think of anything like, "How does the science work?") but at least it had a plot. And, um, interspersed footage from wildlife documentaries. Oh, Luc Besson.

(Side note- Blue Beetle was actually pretty decent. And Love and Monsters, which I had never heard of before, was a fun watch that I would recommend.)

"Lucy" at least had the benefit of being wrongly well written and directed.

 

[Dioltach]

Honest Trailers has a review up of Rebel Moon. It kind of makes me want to see it.

 

[payn]

Honest Trailers has a review up of Rebel Moon. It kind of makes me want to see it.

The pitch meeting is excellent.

 

[Ryujin]

Honest Trailers has a review up of Rebel Moon. It kind of makes me want to see it.

The dialogue is even worse when you take it out of context. I didn't think that possible.

They even commented on the slower slow motion. I was beginning to think I was the only one who noticed that

 

[Paul Farquhar]

I was beginning to think I was the only one who noticed that

Everyone else had their thumb on the Fast Forward button.

 

[Ryujin]

Everyone else had their thumb on the Fast Forward button.

I would legitimately like to see how long the movie is if all the slow motion is ramped-up to normal speed.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

I would legitimately like to see how long the movie is if all the slow motion is ramped-up to normal speed.

Seven and a half minutes.

 

[Ryujin]

Seven and a half minutes.

So, basically the credits?

 

[Zaukrie]

Seven and a half minutes.

Still too long

 

[Baron Opal II]

As time goes on I am noticing the trend of movies becoming collections of interesting, even compelling, scenes. These scenes are strung together in a narrative which would capture interest if the scenes were coherently tied together. But, they're not.

The robot guard is very interesting. Their backstory makes them compelling, which should have been shown, not told. But it had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Maybe a setup for the next movie, we'll see. The priests are cool. What's up with them? They were completely peripheral to the narrative. I guess they're tech-priests? Club retainers? Not sure.

As I was watching I thought "oh, Seven Samurai in Space, cool". Except there's this confusion as to are they going to face an invading force, a capital ship and crew, the whole Empire, what? And, let's throw away what must have been a useful ally civilization because we can't be bothered with stealth or subterfuge?

The pain...