RPG Evolution: The People Who Don't Game

Believe it or not, there's people who don't like games. At all.

Picture courtesy of Pixabay.​

We've all encountered it: we mention our gaming interests or someone notices our games and the response is, "I don't like games." There are a lot of reasons for why this is and their reasoning tells a lot about that person.

"They're a Waste of Time"​

Perhaps the most frequent response to gaming is that it's a frivolous past time, and therefore should not be pursued. This broad characterization has roots in the idea that free time should be spent productively, even if the benefits are ancillary. Practicing a sport is a means of exercise, tending a garden grows plants, etc. It's perhaps not a surprise that busy people are more inclined to take this stance because they're under intense pressure to maximize their free time when they have it. As Gloria Liu explains at the Atlantic:

Research finds that women generally have less leisure time than men, perhaps because of the gendered division of household work and child care. That could be why Yee told me he more often hears women than men express that games are a waste of time. This rings true for me, at least: When I think about the leisure activities I “indulge” in, such as cycling, they tend to have bonus benefits, like exercise.

But unless it's a contest with a reward at the end, games provide enjoyment simply by playing them. In a previous article for the Atlantic, Liu admitted as much:

Pointless goals, in contrast, are meant to be enjoyed. They trick us into doing the things we love, which can also put us in a flow state, where we’re deeply satisfied, present, and absorbed in the task at hand. (If you must justify the time, Price says, know that flow states can also boost creativity and serve as an antidote to the constant hijacking of our attention by our work, our devices, and our kids.)

In short, it's only a waste of time if you don't value the enjoyment that comes from gaming.

"It Tells Too Much About You"​

When I was playing Dungeons & Dragons in high school, one of my friends told me his father disapproved of the game -- not for the usual reasons (back in the 80s, the Satanic Panic was in full swing), but because he felt it shared too much about the participants involved. He was right:

Rachel Kowert, the research director for Take This, a nonprofit that supports mental health in the gaming community, told me that the beauty of getting to know people through play is that the relationships form “backwards.” “You meet someone on the street—you get to know them slowly over time and see if you can trust them,” she said. “But in a game, if you helped me kill this dragon, I immediately have some foundational level of trust.” In other words, games can reveal people’s core qualities: how they react when they’re stressed, how they cooperate in a team, or how they behave when they win or lose.

I'm often fond of saying that if a gaming group plays together long enough, they'll either be best friends or will drop out of the game. Tabletop role-playing in particular can be an intensely personal experience that accelerates relationships, including breaking them faster.

"I Don't Like That Game"​

Games are frequently painted in broad strokes by their most popular brands: board games bring to mind Monopoly, card games Poker, role-playing games Dungeons & Dragons. As many gamers are fond of pointing out, there's life beyond just killing dragons. But getting there requires being open to the concept in general, and often dislike of one game ends up a dismissal of all of them.

There are many different kinds of games for many different types of gamers. Quantic Foundry's survey offers a detailed breakdown of gamer interests, so it should come as no surprise that there's a game for everybody -- they just might not all be interested in the same game.

Your Turn: How do you respond to the people in your life who don't like games?

 

[overgeeked]

The conversation about stoicism is interesting in and of itself, as a lot of people are sort of relitigating what the writings that define it do and don't say, and to what extent its helpful or not, its a frequent flyer in the conversation.

Yep. Unfortunately there’s also a lot of toxic masculinity wrapped up with many modern men who claim to practice Stoicism.

As for the second, its sort of interesting to me because "throw dice and kill some orcs" is usually brought up as term of exasperation with loftier goals, in other words it has an escapist element-- and could therefore be thought of as an exercise in therapy by obliging the participants to allow the speaker a 'break' from effort or some such.

Therapy as in any fun activity where you blow off steam and just play around instead of worrying about work, school, family, etc…sure. Therapy as in diving deep into your emotions and working through your problems to heal…not so much. When most people refer to therapy, they’re talking about the latter rather than the former.

 

[Von Ether]

Wait. You'll grow up and move out. Their opinion of your hobbies won't matter then.

Someone forgot what it was like when they were kid, or were made of sterner stuff than many other teenagers.

"Waiting" for four or six years when you are kid means waiting for a third or a fifth of their experienced life time. That would be asking a 50 year old to simply "wait" for a decade. It also discounts parental support for college and such and still impacting their lives finically. Unless of course one simply moved out and got a decent job right out of high school but most of those type of jobs don't traditionally align with an appreciation of D&D (Especially during the 20th century.)

I was lucky on the gaming side. Being a creative -- not so much. My father kept thinking copy writer was a dumb career choice until I made more money than him. He still didn't give me the same level of respect until I became a nurse, though. He had hoped I'd either be a farmer or an engineer.

 

[The-Magic-Sword]

Yep. Unfortunately there’s also a lot of toxic masculinity wrapped up with many modern men who claim to practice Stoicism.

Therapy as in any fun activity where you blow off steam and just play around instead of worrying about work, school, family, etc…sure. Therapy as in diving deep into your emotions and working through your problems to heal…not so much. When most people refer to therapy, they’re talking about the latter rather than the former.

Huh, I frequently interpret them as the same-- the blowing off steam and not worrying about the responsibilities is something I interpret to be healing, and it can be a lot of labor for other people at the table to avoid, like "Oh I had this cool idea for a situation that could come up... but wait, steve wouldn't like that because we'll end up talking through the ethics" or something.

 

[overgeeked]

Huh, I frequently interpret them as the same-- the blowing off steam and not worrying about the responsibilities is something I interpret to be healing, and it can be a lot of labor for other people at the table to avoid, like "Oh I had this cool idea for a situation that could come up... but wait, steve wouldn't like that because we'll end up talking through the ethics" or something.

Sitting on a couch talking to a therapist for an hour is therapy. Playing games and engaging in escapism can be therapeutic. That doesn’t mean they’re the same thing.

 

[The-Magic-Sword]

Sitting on a couch talking to a therapist for an hour is therapy. Playing games and engaging in escapism can be therapeutic. That doesn’t mean they’re the same thing.

Maybe, but notably some personal stuff coming up in your roleplaying isn't talking to your therapist on a couch for an hour either. Therapeutic would also be the operative word.

 

[overgeeked]

Someone forgot what it was like when they were kid, or were made of sterner stuff than many other teenagers.

I don't think it's either one.

"Waiting" for four or six years when you are kid means waiting for a third or a fifth of their experienced life time. That would be asking a 50 year old to simply "wait" for a decade.

If you're lucky, you'll get older either way. Better to spend that time peacefully waiting for the situation to change than to spend that time angrily fighting a battle you likely cannot win that will ultimately damage your relationship with your parent(s).

It also discounts parental support for college and such and still impacting their lives finically.

There's a lot of assumptions and privilege in that. Most kids don't get help with college from their parents. If a parent is able to help but unwilling due to the child's hobbies, that parent is a manipulative jerk. If the kid needs the help, they can just abandon the hobbies until after college. Get the money and get back to the hobby when you can. It's not like it's a permanent yes or no. It's a hobby, not an identity.

I was lucky on the gaming side. Being a creative -- not so much. My father kept thinking copy writer was a dumb career choice until I made more money than him. He still didn't give me the same level of respect until I became a nurse, though. He had hoped I'd either be a farmer or an engineer.

A lot of parents suck. Some more than others. Sorry that was your experience.

 

[Von Ether]

There's a lot of assumptions and privilege in that. Most kids don't get help with college from their parents. If a parent is able to help but unwilling due to the child's hobbies, that parent is a manipulative jerk. If the kid needs the help, they can just abandon the hobbies until after college. Get the money and get back to the hobby when you can. It's not like it's a permanent yes or no. It's a hobby, not an identity.

For some kids, ttrpgs were a lifeline and "just" quitting also has assumptions. And kids not in college usually live with their parents who are even more in their lives. And nowadays of getting kicked out of the house at 18 are fading fast.

 

[talien]

I'm not entirely sure why we're discussing teenagers like they're not reading this site: https://www.enworld.org/threads/another-year-of-en-world-demographics.680725/

39% of visitors are aged 18-24.

 

[zooey]

Someone forgot what it was like when they were kid, or were made of sterner stuff than many other teenagers.

"Waiting" for four or six years when you are kid means waiting for a third or a fifth of their experienced life time. That would be asking a 50 year old to simply "wait" for a decade. It also discounts parental support for college and such and still impacting their lives finically. Unless of course one simply moved out and got a decent job right out of high school but most of those type of jobs don't traditionally align with an appreciation of D&D (Especially during the 20th century.)

I was lucky on the gaming side. Being a creative -- not so much. My father kept thinking copy writer was a dumb career choice until I made more money than him. He still didn't give me the same level of respect until I became a nurse, though. He had hoped I'd either be a farmer or an engineer.

This kind of thinking can have a huge effect on you when you're a kid. Young me could've had a lot more fun, and a larger group of friends, if the satanic panic nonsense had not driven me away from games i actually wanted to play.

Before anyone says "you should've just done your own thing anyway", it's not that obvious or easy for every kid. If it was for you, congrats. You're a super person, and i'm just a mortal.

 

[Umbran]

It's a blog post. Don't like it, move on to something else.

Or, you know, leave some reasoned critique.