Thank you all for taking the time to read and sift through this thread, and thank you for the comments.
To Li Shenron who said, "I don't know why playing a male character is so important to you" It's important to me because I've been sitting on this male human ranger character concept for half a year and I would really like the chance to play it. I'm not married to the concept and can easily switch gears. Merely a wish, is all.
To clark411 who said, "Asking players to be anti-munchkins, where they purposefully play weakened characters in order to focus on roleplay, isn't necessary imo." I'm not sure why you think I think differently. I happen to agree in full that a player needn't play a weak character to successfully roleplay.
To DragonLancer who said, "As others have said, try talking to guy preferably face to face about it." Yes, that's a good idea and I hope it works better than the e-mail route. Thank you, I will try it.
To Balsalmic Dragon who said, "I think the real problem is that you were the driving force behind starting this group, and you'll feel bad if it doesn't work out." Bingo! I sure would feel crappy if I bailed on a group that I started. I bear a larger than normal share for making this group work since it started up at my insistence.
Balsalmic Dragon also said, "Here's what I'm guessing may have happened: you want the DM to run a really intense roleplaying type of game, right? This means that there may be romantic plot lines involved." Dear God, I never thought of that. That's an interesting perspective. I will absolutely ask the DM if that's what is going on and will let you know here if that's the case. I hope it's not the case; I'm not interested in a "romantic" campaign theme. I would give it a go out of respect for the DM and in the spirit of open-mindedness though.
To Pielorhino who said, "I agree with Piratecat's advice, only I'd be a little more assertive: "I understand that this makes you uncomfortable," I'd say. "Nevertheless, I have a character concept that I want to play, and I'm not comfortable at all with having the DM restrict the gender of my character. Talk with me about what difficulties you'd anticipate with my playing a male character, and I'll be very happy to work with you to minimize these difficulties." That about perfectly sums up the way I communicate in RL and, thank you, I will certainly use this approach when I speak in person with the DM. Thank you also to Pirate Cat, who was the inspiration behind this tact. As an aside, I've always prefered a more cooperative playing style where players and DM create the game style together. Your suggestion supports that vision, so thanks.
To Umbran who said, "Food for thought: I sense a bit of a double standard here - what you choose to play (male) is supposed to be okay, but what others choose to play (min-maxed, dark and brooding) is not? Is that fair? If you want them to be open to cross-gender play, shouldn't you be as open to what they want to play?" Fair enough. What worries me about the min/maxer isn't that he min/maxes, it's that he (by his own words) ALWAYS plays a dark and brooding character. I was interested in playing in a campaign where the players expanded their roleplaying repetoire by playing something they normally wouldn't. Couple the min/maxer's comments about playing characters based off the TV show Angel with his self-admitted min/maxing-PrC-multiclassing tendencies and I don't think it is an unreasonable assumption that this person could turn out to be the antithesis of someone interested in a character-centered story. That's an assumption I've made and it could VERY well prove to be incorrect. I will give him the benefit of the doubt over time. Thank you for mentioning that he could just be feeling out the group by asking all his system questions in advance, that's a good point.
To Kemrain who said, "I think you might have jumped the gun a little." I agree with you. Reading back over this thread, I see that I have made many assumptions. With that in mind, I will wait to see what the DM has to say in response to the e-mail I sent to him last night. After that, though, I'll bring the issue up in person on Saturday when he comes over for the large group game.
To Treebore who said, "When you reallly get down to it, aren't you allowing the DM to dicatate your character by allowing him to tell you how to generate your character stats? That is far greater a dictation than telling you what sex to play and you accept that standard, don't you?" That's a great comment worthy of its own thread! I don't entirely agree with it. The DM should say, "Use such-and-such a stat generation method to create your character." After that, players should have input on which supplements will be allowed, which race they want to play, which sex they want to play. I've always viewed the game as a cooperative effort between players and DM. True, the DM has the final say, but I've never played with an iron-fisted DM who was the sole person at the table to dictate which supplements were to be used, and so on and so forth. I can't say that I'd exactly be eager to be a player in such a game, which may be why I have misgivings about my current situation. I've been blessed in the past to have only have gamed with thoughtful, mature players and have never come across anything different. It did occur to me that maybe the DM has had past problems with trans-gender player characters, but in my opinion he should be giving his new players the benefit of the doubt about whether they can handle it, not the other way around. I can see where he'd be gun shy about me wanting to play a male character if he'd had a bad time with other players in the past, but my feeling is that he knows me as a person well enough to see that I deal with things in an affable manner.
Treebore also said, "Otherwise, get over it, play, and have fun, unless you discover he is a less than competent DM." Thanks. I'm somewhat concerned with what the DM's initial limitation of character generation bodes for his overall DMing style but I am willing to get over it and go with the flow.
To arcady who said, "Just because you know the people elsewhere and game with them otherwise does not put you under any obligation. Even if you began the organization of the group your time is your perrogative." Thank you for that. Somewhere in the back of my mind that thought was floating around and I needed an objective third party to bring it to the forefront. It's reassuring to hear that it's OK to leave.
Arcady also said, "This is not a gaming issue, it's a psychological / growing up issue... You're asking for relationship advice here..." Yes, I am asking for relationship advice, in the context of a gaming situation. This thread never pretended otherwise. I find your comment condescending, particularly the "growing up" bit. There is no sin in needing and requesting help with relationships. Realizing you need help and asking for advice where you are most likely to receive it in a timely and forthright manner is the smart thing to do.
Thanks again, all who have bothered with comments for this thread, the ones I agreed with and took issue with alike. You've calmed me (as has a night's sleep) and given me food for thought.
