So...am I evil??

[Guest 6801328]

... and this better not be some kind of asinine metaphor about companies releasing new editions....

Unfortunately, that is almost definitely what it is.

 

[GreyLord]

Unfortunately, that is almost definitely what it is.

Nope, it is not a metaphor, it's what I did yesterday. I'm not sure why one would think it's a metaphor, but in case you are thinking that, it is NO metaphor. I'm not that elegant of starting a topic in that method...at least not this weekend.

 

[Ruin Explorer]

Nope, it is not a metaphor, it's what I did yesterday. I'm not sure why one would think it's a metaphor, but in case you are thinking that, it is NO metaphor. I'm not that elegant of starting a topic in that method...at least not this weekend.

It is the sort of behaviour somewhat delusional parents who don't the long-term impacts of their actions on their relationships with their kids definitely do, so I tend to believe you.

My dad did a similar thing. When I was 12, because my brother and I spent most of our time playing on the computer (Atari ST, we also had a primitive PC and a Sega Master System), or playing AD&D, he took all our toys - dozens of Transformers (many amazingly rare in the UK, which of course he didn't know or care about), an astonishing amount of wonderful Lego (including tons of Lego Technic, which I still regularly used at that age), and a bunch of other stuff, again some of which we still did play with and was very cool, and he gave it all to the orphanage. My brother was 10 so it hit him even harder. My sister was much younger and never really got to play with Lego as a result.

That isn't a joke or a metaphor either. It's literally what he did.

Now, we got over it pretty quickly in one sense. Kids are resilient. He earned a lot and was never tight-fisted about cash, and he kept getting us new computers, new games, new RPGs. But you know what? Because he did this without asking, without warning, without discussing, without even an ultimatum ("This is going to happen!"), he permanently destroyed trust with us.

I was watching TV last night and there was some scene where some character was really broken up about how she couldn't really trust her dad, and didn't want to lie to him (to essentially test him), and I thought "Well, I would do it in a heartbeat". I love my dad. He's mostly a good guy. Do I trust him though? No, and this was the first time in my life I realized I couldn't trust him, not really, because he was willing to make arbitrary, essentially mean-spirited decisions without even a warning, let alone a discussion, let alone listening to us (we would have been fine with dumping about 70-80% of our toys - just not the Lego or Transformers, or a couple of cool spaceships).

So I think you've made a very bad decision. Your son will get over it, but he knows who you are a bit better, and I think you'll find he's never going to trust you in quite the same way.

 

[TiwazTyrsfist]

Speaking as a father, this is shi*ty entitled "my children are my possessions" grade parenting.

I honestly want to physically beat you.

Imagine how pissed you'd be if he did something similar to you? Just boxed up your stuff and put it somewhere and told you nope you're doing something else instead now?

This entire thing just has me fu*king fuming with rage

You're now blocked because obviously you have no value as a human being.

 

[rgoodbb]

Some very strong emotions in this thread, a lot of which I empathise with.

But might it be time to shut this one down?

 

[Olrox17]

This is Lawful Evil behavior. Tyranny at its finest. You wanted something, and you had the power and authority to force your desires on another human being. So you did. Congrats, you're the villain.

You should apologize to your son. Everyone makes mistakes, parents included.

 

[Ancalagon]

Some very strong emotions in this thread, a lot of which I empathise with.

But might it be time to shut this one down?

This is probably the most "real" thread I've ever read on EN world...

 

[Ancalagon]

Last year, my father became so ill that he stopped eating and taking care of himself. I did what I could to help him, but he just refused to eat and dwindled away. I had to pump formula through his feeding tube, change his diapers, clean him up, and leave my job to care for him 24/7. He passed in late October of last year, with me at his bedside holding his hand while he passed. The whole experience was incredibly stressful and emotionally wracking, especially as his mental faculties left him, and he became irrational and abusive. It's only the strong bond I had with my father, and his example of giving of himself to do for others, that kept me from throwing up my hands and crying "no more, I'm done." I can't imagine I'd have been as inclined to look after him if his example for me had been one of selfishness.

Now, we got over it pretty quickly in one sense. Kids are resilient. He earned a lot and was never tight-fisted about cash, and he kept getting us new computers, new games, new RPGs. But you know what? Because he did this without asking, without warning, without discussing, without even an ultimatum ("This is going to happen!"), he permanently destroyed trust with us.

These two posts resonated with me. My father passed away last year and I too had to care for him at times (Parkinson). My father was a good man - a great man - but he wasn't perfect. Once he was mad at me about something and he pushed me, and I trip and fell. This is the only time he ever "laid a hand" on me (he wasn't physically abusive). I soon forgot about it - as Ruin said, kids are resilient - but not at an emotional level. It's only years later that I remembered this incident, and realized that it had "cooled" the relationship between him and I.

The last conversation I had with my father was on his deathbed, and telling him I forgave him for not being a perfect father, and that I was sorry I hadn't been a better son

This *matters*.

 

[Jester David]

Not a 4e fan myself. And a big 5e fan.
But... yeah, evil. Didn't talk it through with the owner of the books. Forcing the change. Sounds a tad on the evil side.

 

[Sunseeker]

I'll agree the question should be "who owns the books?" because gift or not is irrelevant, as they belong to the son. However, if the OP bought them for his own use, they wouldn't actually be his son's property.

Okay, I'll buy that.

I’m on your side, and think this is a pretty dick move. I’m actually just probing to see if this constitutes legal theft. Gifts to minors are much harder to prove. But if the son is the legal buyer with a paper trail to prove it?

Yeah.

Not that calling the cops on your father over some books is a good long term idea.

Okay, fair enough. I've got a bit of a sore spot when it comes to people talking about kids, because so many people are quick to jump down the "OBEY ME BECAUSE I'M AN ADULT!" argument route rather than defend the child's rights to feel like they own anything.

So sorry for jumping up your chilly there.

But yeah I agree, if the kid is the one who bought them (even if its with birthday or grandma's money) then he owns them and would only make this situation worse.

Yeah... this isn't about gaming anymore, it's about *parenting*, something that is waaaaaay more important. Now parenting is hard. We do the best we can, and sometimes we screw up.

And this is quite the screw up, done for seemingly selfish reasons.

I really, really, hope that this is either a bad joke, or you are *thinking* about doing this and asking around to see if it's a good idea. If you haven't done this yet, *don't do it*. There are better approaches than this.

For example "Son, I know you like 4e, but quite frankly we're getting a bit tired of it. Isn't it time to try something new? Tell you what - I'll buy you a bunch of 5e books, and in exchange we switch to that system for the next 6 months. Sounds fair?"

Yeah, not to mention that would put everything on a better foot. "OH I had no idea Dad was so bored of 4E, maybe we can have fun in this other game too!" There's a pretty solid reason that any time someone comes here with DMing problems the nigh-universal answer is "Talk to your players." But it's fairly common in some parenting circles to promote the idea that children shouldn't be allowed a voice in the household, and if you apply this to DMing well...