So I was more or less kicked out of my D&D group

[mythago]

It sounds like that DM is a few pages short of a Core Rulebook.

I can see it being a stylistic problem if the GM doesn't want anyone reading, or if you want the option of cancelling from time to time and that is Not Cool with the rest of the group.

But when you have a situation where some people are special...well...you're not missing much.

 

[boschdevil]

I guess the biggest thing that I'm still picking up on is that you're not wanting to take responsibility for your mistakes in the past. Just because other people were prone to miss games at weeks at a time or did worse to ignore your DM doesn't make your actions right. It is just my opinion, but it seems that you want to play the role of the victim and sulk in it. Your DM may of taken some tactless actions, but some did you.

Look, there are times when all of us reach crossroads with gaming groups. In my instance, my group stopped playing D&D and began to play Rifts. I played for a session and came to a conclusion that I didn't like the game. I mentioned that I didn't like the game, but the others chose to still play the game. Thus, I left that group, and have no bad feeling about that group. I found another group that plays D&D and went on with my life. May I suggest the same for you.

 

[DarkCrisis]

Ah but I did mention that I talked the the DM about it and did in fact apologize for reading the book. I also told him I wouldn't do it again. Apparently my apology was not anough

 

[MerricB]

DarkCrisis, you're doing an excellent job of looking at this issue rationally, and laying out all the points logically.

Unfortunately, this situation has very little to do with a rational explanation, and much more to do with the emotional response of the DM. Things you have nothing to do with have shaped his response to what you see as a minor transgression.

My advice: don't spend more time worrying about it, and move on.

I don't think it'll be easy to follow that advice, but you should try to.

Cheers!

 

[EarthsShadow]

hey DarkCrisis, I know how you feel as far as getting ripped up by a vengeful DM and in the process getting weeded out of a gaming group, but my situation is different than yours.

Basically, the DM I had (five years ago) didn't like the character I made, but never told me to remake him or make a new one, and the other players were getting mad at me (but not telling me about it) because the character was disruptive. Major lack of communication here. I had no clue that the character was disrupting the DM's plans, they all told me I was doing a good job (plus this was my first time ever gaming, so I was pretty knew at all of this), and the DM came up with a plan to basically get rid of me because of my character. He told me that there was no game the next week, but there was, just not for me, and then after that another player told me what happened (my character got killed after falling into a volcano), and I was pretty upset. So, I know what its like to be on the receiving end of a vengeful DM (kicker is he admitted it after that a week later and told me that he would never allow me to play in another game of his because of my character, so I said okay and move on to greater pastures).

It stinks, some DM's take things way to personally and don't know how to communicate, and this also seems to be a situation where there wasn't enough communication to go around to help it any.

if the DM you had played Warlord (which is a cool game) and joined in on the conversations, then he wouldn't see those conversations as disruptive, but then seeing somebody else reading a book that is not even of the same genre, then I myself would take that as a insult because that person is basically telling me that all my work is boring. I think all DM's are like this, its just how we deal with it that really counts.

Find your own group, if possible, and enjoy the game. If some of the others join in with you, all the better. NO one likes to play in a boring game.

 

[boschdevil]

Ah but I did mention that I talked the the DM about it and did in fact apologize for reading the book. I also told him I wouldn't do it again. Apparently my apology was not anough

OK, then. I must have missed that part of your thread. Then I suggest that you do what I mentioned in the last paragraph of the my last thread. There are reasonable people to game with (or at least share our same interests), and we all have had to leave groups for some reason or another.

 

[Pielorinho]

No offence, but do your players have to sign some sort of contract to get in your game?

Don't be silly. If I tell a group of friends that I'm going to meet them downtown for coffee, we don't sign a contract about the meeting; nevertheless, if I decide not to show up, they get peeved.

This isn't something peculiar to gaming: it's a basic rule of polite society. Once you agree to show up to a social meeting, you're OBLIGATED to show up to it. ESPECIALLY if some aspect of the social meeting depends on you.

Mythago, I apologize if I incorrectly attribute the "relative's death or your own death" rule to Miss Manners; it might be an Emily Post rule. My fiancee finds guilty pleasure in reading etiquette guides and told me about this rule. In any case, it's obviously an exaggeration -- if you're in a car accident or you're kidnapped by madmen or if a gas leak in your house knocks you unconscious, nobody will fault you for not showing up to a meeting. But wanting a quiet evening at home is a lousy excuse.

DarkCrisis, were you willing to admit your responsibility in these events, I'd be more sympathetic to you. As it is, when you ask questions like,

I had always gone to the games unlike 2 other players who just go missing for 2-5 sessions. Do they get reprimanded? No. Why is my one evening off (which I called about) differnt?

I wonder, why indeed? I think a little bit of introspection on this matter might save you a whole lot of grief in the future.

Again, this isn't to say that your DM handled matters well. Were I playing in this group, I'd likely drop out based on his treatment of you. Nevertheless, you don't come across entirely blameless here.

Daniel

 

[La Bete]

Loathe as I am to agree with an Australian,

My advice: don't spend more time worrying about it, and move on

Is bang on.

This whole thing is just an emotional and/or testosterone car wreck. If you and some of the other players end up forming a game, cool. If not, and you find another group, also cool.

What I have found bizzarre is some of the responses you have received. While obviously it takes two people to have an argument, we arent exactly talking shades of grey here.

If there was some form of gaming contract, I would expect that a player skim-reading a book during a game would receive a warning such as "XX, I would prefer it if you could pay attention while we play, please" rather than "Right my pretties, not pays attentions, will he? we curse him, nasssty trickssy player, we kills him, yess yesss!"

Ditto all the other things. While I would prefer a player to give as much notice as possible when not attending, RL does, sometimes intrude. Of course, if you skip out on sessions at the last moment, be ready to not be the 'star' of any games!

and, of course, killing your char while you werent there was sucky. Even I dont do that.

 

[Lord Pendragon]

Just to offer a different viewpoint than Pielorinho's (not that I think his is wrong in any way), I do think that DarkCrisis is blameless in this manner. Last year I was involved in a weekly campaign, with sessions lasting a marathon 10 hours each. It was an all-day thing, and three players and the DM commited to it. We almost always kept that commitment, too.

But the DM is a somewhat private person. He loves D&D, and was the one to start up the group, but every three, four, or five weeks, he'd need a weekend free. To recharge. To relax. To not worry about having to entertain people, or be entertaining, or even pay attention all the time.

Was I bummed out when he called up to cancel a session? Of course! Do I think that he somehow failed a social contract by doing so? Absolutely not.

Scheduling something and then just not showing up is rude. Scheduling something and then calling to cancel is a part of life.

 

[Talvisota]

As someone who shares our group's views, Pielorinho is cordially invited to play in our game. We play Thursdays, barring interferences, like this week, where we have moved the game to tonight (Monday) as I have a visitor in town.

Travel could be prohibitive, however.