So I was more or less kicked out of my D&D group

[Pielorinho]

Scheduling something and then just not showing up is rude. Scheduling something and then calling to cancel is a part of life.

Well, ultimately I guess it depends on the group's dynamics. I know that some games are pickup games, where you don't even tell anyone you'll be there: you just drop by your FLGS to see if a game is happening. Some games are pretty casual: if you can't show up for a session, no big deal. And some games are like mine: if someone calls me the afternoon of the game to cancel, I may have to call everyone to cancel the game.

I recognize that this sometimes has to happen, but I hate hate hate when it happens because people haven't managed their time well, or because they don't feel like showing up. When people don't recognize that they're inconveniencing everyone, it peeves me. (Notice that word "peeve" over and over"? I mean it really peeves me off.)

I also hate it when I've described a scene, and then a player who's obviously not been paying attention tries to get me to redescribe everything for his sake. It's one thing to have an out-of-game conversation: if everyone's engaged in it, if we've broken the game for a few minutes to shoot the bull, that's fine. But when we're gaming, I want folks to be gaming. Imagine that we were playing basketball: when the ball's not on the court, it's fine for folks to be chatting, horsing around, even reading. But if the ball is in motion, you dang well better not have a book in your hands.

It sounds to me as if DarkCrisis' DM may value folks' showing up to a session, and may value folks' paying attention to what's going on when he's actually describing a scene. I can totally understand that: these are both important to me. It also sounds to me like the DM may be petty and vindictive, and responds to thoughtless rudeness with passive-aggressive nonsense.

I would like to see what the DM has to say in his own defense. DarkCrisis, do you feel like sending him a link to this thread, so that he can speak up on his own behalf?

Daniel

 

[Pielorinho]

As someone who shares our group's views, Pielorinho is cordially invited to play in our game. We play Thursdays, barring interferences, like this week, where we have moved the game to tonight (Monday) as I have a visitor in town.

Travel could be prohibitive, however.

D'oh! I'd love to join, but my game is also on Thursdays and/or Mondays. Otherwise, I'd just hop in my supersonic jet and come on over!

Daniel

 

[SHARK]

Greetings!

Daniel, I totally agree with you.

One of my players, over a year ago now, a new one really, was over for a game session. While I was playing a scene that focused for a few minutes on someone else, and then describing stuff as the party eventually got back together, his character was "out of the loop" in the sense that he, as the player, didn't know what was going on. He suffered severely in the following combat, and if I recall lost a Fate Point, which is pretty sharp. He protested in mild shock, but I said too bad. His uncle also leaped in and said "tough!, You don't pay attention, ya get bit!" His brother even said "ah-ha, too bad! You were dumb enough to have your nose buried in some book when you should have been paying attention!"

The moral of the story? That as a player, even if the scene doesn't directly involve you, you need to pay attention to what is going on. By doing so, you will be alert for when the scene changes and does immediately involve you, and therefore you will be fully aware of what is directly concerning you *as it happens* instead of finally, at such time, hurredly looking up and then asking me or the rest of the group to fill you in on all that has happened in the last ten minutes!

The player has since learned to be all eyes and ears, even when the scene doesn't directly involve him. In the game, unless I say "cut!" or make some other pronouncement that the game is being momentarily "turned off" so to speak while we discuss something, or take a break, or I need to look for something quickly, or whatever, it is entirely in bad form to busy yourself with reading a book, you know? It just is. There are so many things going on, descriptions of people and places and environments, all of which may be more or less important to everyone in the group to know, and they should be learning at the same time--not me or them being forced to stop the flow so that one person can then be brought up to speed for the last fifteen minutes because they couldn't be bothered to maintain interest and focus, you know?

That consideration is of course, separate from the DM in this scenario here being vindictive. But I hear what you're saying. I'm also a stickler for showing up on time, and having a good reason for *not showing up* too. I have often times been working for the current week's game for a good number of hours, with your character figured in prominently somewhere. If you can't show up, I should get at least three days notice, and in any event, it had better be a good reason! Not "well, I wanted to stay home and watch a movie!" You know what? That nonsense had better not be a regular thing, because I am planning and the rest of the group is planning on *you* being there!

Heh, I suppose I'm spoiled. As I've mentioned over time, I play with my family and close friends and stuff. If someone can't show up, it's because they have to work overtime, or their sick, or something like that.

Sometimes, as a group, we decide to do something else on the sheduled day, maybe because several people want to see a movie, so we all go, or because several of us don't feel mentally focused because we have just been slammed by a very hard week, and so on, so we take a break. It's all planned though, and made carefully, rather than flippantly.

Believe me, there are some great advantages to having family and friends who really enjoy playing the game, and you all enjoy each other's genuine trust. Such a big difference with things. Not all of these game-playing going on, you know? I can't believe some of this nonsense. The way some of these people think, the pettiness, the vindictiveness. Gee whiz, huh?

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

 

[JacktheRabbit]

Are you normally this polite and cheery? If I had a DM stat some crap about "social contract" I would laugh in his face.

Get a life, this is a GAME.

The DM sounds like a real jerk, but, I'd be a lot more sympathetic if I hadn't had players like you in the past.

Have you ever heard of the term 'social contract'? When you are part of a group there is an implied 'social contract', or set of rules that all people who are part of that group agree to adhere to.

Individuals who continually fail to follow these rules are generally excluded from the group. This is what seems to have happened to you. Perhaps these rules were never explained, or perhaps you just failed to pick up on them. Either way, you are out.

Here is why I have little, or even no, sympathy for you.

First, ignoring the game to read a book is pretty rude. Why show up if you aren't going to be an active participant in the game? Did you really believe that no one would mind this behavior?

Second, when the DM calls you on it, you don't own up to it. People who are unable to accept responsibility for their own actions do not do well in group situations.

Finally, your choice of Forsaker as a PrC just furthers my belief that you really don't want to fit in, or be part of the group. Choosing a class that restricts the entire groups ability to function is the epitome of anti-social behavior.

At least you'll have plenty of time to read that book now!

 

[mythago]

My fiancee finds guilty pleasure in reading etiquette guides and told me about this rule.

Hey, Miss Manners r0x0r. No need to think of it as a guilty pleasure.

 

[JacktheRabbit]

Greetings!

Daniel, I totally agree with you.

One of my players, over a year ago now, a new one really, was over for a game session. While I was playing a scene that focused for a few minutes on someone else, and then describing stuff as the party eventually got back together, his character was "out of the loop" in the sense that he, as the player, didn't know what was going on. He suffered severely in the following combat, and if I recall lost a Fate Point, which is pretty sharp. He protested in mild shock, but I said too bad. His uncle also leaped in and said "tough!, You don't pay attention, ya get bit!" His brother even said "ah-ha, too bad! You were dumb enough to have your nose buried in some book when you should have been paying attention!"

The moral of the story? That as a player, even if the scene doesn't directly involve you, you need to pay attention to what is going on. By doing so, you will be alert for when the scene changes and does immediately involve you, and therefore you will be fully aware of what is directly concerning you *as it happens* instead of finally, at such time, hurredly looking up and then asking me or the rest of the group to fill you in on all that has happened in the last ten minutes!

The player has since learned to be all eyes and ears, even when the scene doesn't directly involve him. In the game, unless I say "cut!" or make some other pronouncement that the game is being momentarily "turned off" so to speak while we discuss something, or take a break, or I need to look for something quickly, or whatever, it is entirely in bad form to busy yourself with reading a book, you know? It just is. There are so many things going on, descriptions of people and places and environments, all of which may be more or less important to everyone in the group to know, and they should be learning at the same time--not me or them being forced to stop the flow so that one person can then be brought up to speed for the last fifteen minutes because they couldn't be bothered to maintain interest and focus, you know?

That consideration is of course, separate from the DM in this scenario here being vindictive. But I hear what you're saying. I'm also a stickler for showing up on time, and having a good reason for *not showing up* too. I have often times been working for the current week's game for a good number of hours, with your character figured in prominently somewhere. If you can't show up, I should get at least three days notice, and in any event, it had better be a good reason! Not "well, I wanted to stay home and watch a movie!" You know what? That nonsense had better not be a regular thing, because I am planning and the rest of the group is planning on *you* being there!

Heh, I suppose I'm spoiled. As I've mentioned over time, I play with my family and close friends and stuff. If someone can't show up, it's because they have to work overtime, or their sick, or something like that.

Sometimes, as a group, we decide to do something else on the sheduled day, maybe because several people want to see a movie, so we all go, or because several of us don't feel mentally focused because we have just been slammed by a very hard week, and so on, so we take a break. It's all planned though, and made carefully, rather than flippantly.

Believe me, there are some great advantages to having family and friends who really enjoy playing the game, and you all enjoy each other's genuine trust. Such a big difference with things. Not all of these game-playing going on, you know? I can't believe some of this nonsense. The way some of these people think, the pettiness, the vindictiveness. Gee whiz, huh?

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

Couple Comments.

1. I jump all over my players when a character who isnt present makes comments later based on knowledge he wouldnt have. At times it is entirely appropriate for a player to not pay attention if his character is not present.

2. A "good reason" for not being at the session? Please can we stop getting off on ourselves here? ITS A GAME!! You are not the players freaking parents or teachers and no one ever needs to give a DM a good reason. Do you ask for notes from the doctor?

Geez

 

[MerricB]

Are you normally this polite and cheery? If I had a DM stat some crap about "social contract" I would laugh in his face.

Get a life, this is a GAME.

Umm... read the post. The social contract is generally implied.

It includes things like "you won't kill each other at the table", and "if I say I'll be at a session, I will turn up." And "I won't turn up nude".

If you don't think society has rules, then I don't think you've been paying attention.

In fact, the social niceties are extremely complex, and each person has their own version. (Don't stand in my shadow! Stop looking over my shoulder!) Infringe on them at your peril.

Cheers!

 

[JacktheRabbit]

I would also like to make one more point.

The Forsaker has to be one of the worst PrC classes ever created and should be a NPC class only. Most players who want to run them revel in the extra trouble they cause.

Your DM should have never allowed it.

 

[Voneth]

While I would like to get the complete story, it does seem strange that the GM allows some players to not show up at all with an "I forgot" and DC gets an NPC death.

With the little info at hand, it does seem that the GM has some sort of issue with DC.

As for me personaly, any time a GM that is new to me says "I bought these modules and I am going to run them," I usually excuse myself from the group for a while. In my experience that attitude usualy means the game is not going to last long.

 

[drnuncheon]

Don't be silly. If I tell a group of friends that I'm going to meet them downtown for coffee, we don't sign a contract about the meeting; nevertheless, if I decide not to show up, they get peeved.

Even if you call ahead of time and say sorry, you can't make it? (like DC did)

Dude, your friends are harsh.

You know, the more I read this thread the more I become conviced that maybe D&D's alignment system is onto something. Can you tell the Lawful folks from the Chaotic ones?

A D&D game is a game. You play it to have fun. If it turns into a chore or an obligation, and becomes not-fun, then you are defeating the purpose of playing it. Furthermore, a player who is present and obviously wanting to be somewhere else will affect the tone of the game. It will show. If someone in one of my games didn't want to be there, I'd much rather they called me and said "I'm not going to be able to make it" instead of messing things up for the other players (deliberately or inadvertently). If it happens enough to become a problem, then more drastic measures can be taken.

Speaking as the primary DM in my various circles of players, I have plenty of sympathy for the folks who are thinking things like, 'but I had X planned for that character tonight'. On the other hand, unless you're railroading the party something awful, you have to know that they might never get to that point, or the player might do something that changes the situation, or a ghoul might get in a lucky shot and suddenly, dead character. Dealing with a guy being missing for one session isn't any more difficult than handling any of those other things.

Now, if he just didn't show up, that's just plain rude. But that doesn't seem to be the case here.

J