D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[BoldItalic]

It was on the tip of Hermione's tongue to correct everyone's spelling and point out that it's tarrasque, not terrasque, but she had a sudden sinking feeling that, as she was no longer a Cleric of the Word, she wasn't a qualified pedant any more. The colour drained from her cheeks and she felt faint at the thought. Scissors - Paper -Stone - Soap. Not Syntax? This was awful; enough to make a maiden swoon.

"Are you okay, Hermione," asked Throg, "You look a bit faint. Luckily, I know what to do. Lie down, and I will loosen your clothing ..."

 

[rgoodbb]

As Hermione collapsed, Bar De-Door threw out his aura of bubbles as a cushion-reaction. He then went prone and stretched out his legs, and moving his arms completely underneath him, he cast Lay on Hands.

A cleansing (yet not bad for her skin) balm of soapy fragrance cocooned her body.

Hermione knew that she was unconscious but was also aware that she had entered some sort of Elemental based trancelike state. This was a test, she was sure.
Soap beats Scissors…no wait Rock beats soap……….

……..

……..

…….. After an eternity of unsolvable word-chains, she realised that the answer did not matter at all. It was the acceptance of the journey of the elements in all their singular and blended states.

She awoke encrusted in something. Her immediate thoughts turned to Throg. But then she realised that her Ye Olde Tongue had disappeared. She was now thinking in a different accent. Hermione opened her mouth to speak
“……

 

[BoldItalic]

"Wear ham eye?" asked Hermione in confusion, "Hand watt ease cone gong?"

"You've transmogrified," explained Gildan, "Nothing to worry about, you'll be right as rain by tomorrow."

"Two marrow? Frock!" she exclaimed angrily. "Sarong aunts weir."

Spiton held up two fingers. "How many fingers?" he asked.

"Sick sand too."

"She's suffering from sunstroke," was Spiton's opinion. "Genii, lend her your hat!"

The genii reluctantly took off his wide-brimmed hat, and placed it gently on Hermione's head, to shade her from the blazing sun. But she screamed. "Gnome ate all! Gnome ate all!" and tore it off.

"We've got to get out of this sun," decided Throg. "Anyone know which way is nor-norwest by west?"

 

[Schmoe]

Small fish, big pond.

 

[rgoodbb]

Small fish, big pond.

“I believe there is a large oasis with teeny tiny fish in it nornornorwenorwest.” Replied Genii
“I can use the rope trick to port us there. Quickly, everyone climb into my hole”

“Arm Nut Gwing op Dare!! Know Chants” Responded an exasperated Hermione

Throg Grabbed her “Frog! Lego”

But it was know no use. After heaving away on the genii’s rope, all eventually found comfort in the warmth of his inner-extra-inter dimensional space

“Hold on. This could get bumpy”
“Hoe Buoy”

 

[BoldItalic]

They disembarked in the shade of a grove of palm trees beside a small lake of blue water. There was a cluster of candy-striped tents on the far side of the lake and nearby was a notice that said

Welcome to Llanwllyn Oasis
Please fish responsibly​

"Looks like we've arrived," said Throg.

"Hair? Snow aces!"

"Yes, that's right. But not just any oasis. This oasis. It's a milestone. We can all take a long rest and level up."

"I bet Giarism is in one of those tents over there."

"More than likely. They must be put there for a reason."

"Are you metagaming?"

"Who me? Metagame? Perish the thought."

 

[rgoodbb]

“OK. We need to plan our attack” Said Throg, carving out a picture in the sand with his beloved battleaxe.
“Uhm…..”
“Not now Spiton. This is combat tactics and I know what I’m talking about. Now first we move diagonally across the sand”
“Is that one square per move or one and a half?” requested the wizard
"Why?"
"It's important for a Grownie and base speed" He carried on.
"A what"
"A Grownie: Gnome Brownie"
“Oh. Anyway. It doesn’t matter.”
“Uhm….”
“Not now Spiton!”
“Its just….” Spiton was looking at the sky.
“OK....what is it?”
“Well. It’s just that Giarism and his clan….Well…..They’re all Werewolves”

They all followed Spiton's sky-gaze as one, and a lonely cloud floated agonisingly slowly eassouthsoutheasterly revealing not one but the two full moons of Athas: Ral and Guthay…….

 

[BoldItalic]

"What instrument does Giarism play?" wondered Gildan.

"The bass tuba."

"So, he can't play it while he's in wolf form?"

"Hardly."

"Right, then. We don't need to worry about his bardic abilities. First, we set fire to the tents, drive them out in the open."

"Then we kill them?" asked Throg, with a gleam in his eye.

"No!" exclaimed Hermione, who had regained the power of speech, "You mustn't hurt animals! I'm a druid now, I can't allow it!"

"You could look the other way?"

"No."

"Looks like Plan B, then."

"And that is ?"

"It's like this ..."

 

[rgoodbb]

…..They discussed the plan and moved up to their starting squares, Gildan doing a weird 2-1 hopscotch as he negotiated the pesky diagonals.

The party had decided to level up after the battle. That made sense.

Hermione Wildshaped into a dolphin and swam a straighter path across the oasis whilst nudging the floating bar of soap out in front of her.

As De-Door landed, he moved up as near to the tents as he dare and stood still. Gildan threw an illusion of sight and smell over the Ultimate Tank and turned him into a well urinated-on tree.

The werewolves howled in nasal delight and rushed the tree….and their hair stuck to the now-very-wet soap and just wouldn’t come off

Spiton rushed in circle after circle round the tree, pump-action Titicaca knocking out wolf after wolf to the tune of Flight of the bumble-bee.

Throg had masterminded a great victory here. With the Ultimate sticky Defender and the Brass-cannon Striker and the Controller and Leader, It was feeling like another edition. In fact he had just barked out orders all battle. It was if he was turning into a 5e Wa………

 

[BoldItalic]

Wa……… Don't say it! Don't even think it!" ………ter Genasi. Because dolphins, okay?

Phew! That was close.

"Anyone getting an ASI this time? There are some new UA Feats, if you're interested?"

"Why has Gildan dyed his hair bright blue? And why is he looking at me all squinty-eyed?"

"I knew you would ask that."

"Are you multiclassing into Mystic? That's really cool."

As if in answer, Gildan suddenly grew from his normal tiny size to a huge, 20-foot tall mega-brownie, towering over them all. He looked pleased with himself. "I've always wanted to do that," he admitted.

"Where's Spiton?" wondered Hermione, "He was here a moment ago. You haven't trodden on him have you, Gildan?"

"I'm right here," said Spiton, "I'm hiding in my own shadow."

"That reminds me," said Throg reaching into his belt pouch, "Can anyone read this scrap of parchment?"