D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[rgoodbb]

As Gildan and Spiton were conversing and explaining how magic actually worked to the genii, the others did a bit more RP’ing. It always made them feel better about Min-maxing their Characters if they could at least get some of that other stuff done in each session…..

“What about…………..studded?”
“What are the studs made out of?”
“Metal”
“Nope”
“Damnit”
“You could always go bare-chested like me”
“I doth see the hope through thyne eyes Throg. Whalebone! The studs are made from whalebone. Ha!”
“Err…………..….Sure, why not!”
“Yessss. Ahh. But being an en-armoured Cleric I doth present a negative Dex.”
“Maybe we should ask the Genii. It’s all very confusing”
“Genii. No I can’t call you that. What’s your Name?”
“I am the genie of the hat”
“No your real name”
“……….you may call me…..THACO…..”
“Uhhhhhh.”

 

[rgoodbb]

Do you guys not know how to follow instructions? I said "all of my previous posts". Not that one! Ugh. It is so hard to find good help these days...

I'm going to gingerly brush a laugh in there.....I think......Is that correct?......I'm not sure now.

 

[rgoodbb]

Do you feel the Bardic Inspiration coursing through you?

No.

You knew didn't you. You wily old.....

How did you know about Spiton?

Wait....Are you Giarism?

 

[Corwin]

You knew didn't you. You wily old.....

How did you know about Spiton?

Wait....Are you Giarism?

No.

 

[rgoodbb]

Upon further discussion with THACO…..

“So you are not a proper adventurer then?”
“No”
“So you’re not a Bard?”
“No”
“You didn’t finish Bard School?”
“No”
“So you can’t cast spells?”
“No”
“So you can’t grant inspiration?”
“No”
“So are you proficient in anything”
“No…uhm…Titicaca”
“I’m sorry what?”
“Titicaca”
“Is that a sex thing?”
“No”
“Well?”
“It’s my trombone”
“Your what bone? Is that a sex thing?”
“No”
“When I play my Instum…No”
“When I blow….No”
“I have this tube that I pump….No”
“The pull and push to expell….No”
“So you are proficient in the trombone?”
“Yes!”
“And what does that get you?”
“……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..........................................................................No….….”

 

[BoldItalic]

Gildan had a sudden flash of inspiration. He turned to the genii and asked "THAC0, how long were you up there, waiting for us?"

"About 40 years, why?"

"Just wondering. What is your first wish going to be?" asked Gildan nonchalantly, doing some rapid mental gymnastics.

"I want this hat enchanted to the equivalent of plate armor."

"So, ... AC1, then?"

"Brilliant. Can you do it?"

Gildan nodded. "Pass me the hat," he said, and did some curious hand-passes over it, folded the brim upwards and downwards, then handed it back to the genii, who put it on his head.

"Hit me," demanded the genii. "Go on, hit me. I bet you can't."

So Gildan swung his tiny staff quite close to the genii's left foot, and, mysteriously, he completely missed.

"It works! Haha! It was worth the wait!"

Spiton had been watching this with interest. There was something awfully devious going on here and it quite appealed to his sense of unfair play. If he couldn't be a bard, perhaps he might try his hand at the next best thing. He'd have to learn how to use lockpicks, but, after all, he knew all about keys even if they were C^# minor and so on. And, he thought to himself, no-one would be expecting a sneak attack with a trombone, would they?

"How do I look?" asked Hermione, "Does this whalebone helmet make me look fat?"

"It's ... it's very nice," offered Throg gallantly. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say and somehow he knew that, whatever he said, he would be wrong anyway. He was right about that.

"Huh. Typical man. You have no idea," said Hermione, removing the hemet and tossing it aside in the sand.

"My second wish," began the genii ...

 

[rgoodbb]

“For my second wish, I would like to know…….Throg. Why do you call it the Battleaxe of Meaningful Significance?”
“Really?”
“Really”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean “What do you mean?””
“What is happening here?”
“I mean why not the Battleaxe of Significant Meaning instead of the Battleaxe of Meaningful Significance?”
“Meaning what”
“Exactly”
“What. Uhm. I’m confused. Are you asking why which way round the emphasis of the two words should be or are you asking why the battleaxe has meaning and significance?”
“No”
“Dammit Corwin”
“Who’s he?”
“No…. Just No………….Don’t ask. It’s just way easier that way….. Now for my final wish…..”

 

[rgoodbb]

Morning folks. Another bright sunny day in Athas...

 

[rgoodbb]

“So…..Throg. When is a two handed trombone finesse with the reach property?”
“I don’t know. When is a two handed trombone finesse with the reach property?”
“Oh. You don’t know?”
“No. Should I?”
“I’m not sure”
“I thought this was a joke”
“It’s looking more and more that way believe me”
“I don’t believe you anymore. You talk more Bol**cks as the days go by”
“I appear to be trying out my expertise in Deception. Is it working?”
“Is what working?”
“Never mind”

Throg tuned his back on Spiton and walked away. This conversation was boring him. At that precise moment the forward thrust of the trombone hit the back of his head and Throg took an average of 3.5 Bludgeoning Damage and an additional 1d6 Sneak Attack Damage. Spiton answered his original question with an ever growing maniacal grin of pure malevolence “……..When it’s in….my…hands…….”

 

[CheezyRamen]

What is happening in this thread rn