D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[BoldItalic]

The spinning wheel regarded Spiton with a calculating look. "I could be useful to you," it suggested, "I can spin a good yarn, weave a good tale, turn a good phrase. How about it?"

Spiton didn't take long to think. In his new profession as rogue his trusty trombone had its limitations and so extra equipment, especially something as apparently homely as a piece of furniture, was just the thing he needed to add verisimilitude. Besides, in emergency, he would always have somewhere to sit down.

"Very well," agreed Spiton, "but what shall I call you?"

"I shall answer to the name 'Hum'," decided the wheel. And so it was.

The party went their way, still in pursuit of the HoHo guy with the white beard and the sack of children. They came at last to the shore of a lake that was noteworthy for being so salty that it was completely devoid of life. "Do we go around, or try to cross it?" wondered Hermione. "What do you think, Throg?"

Throg consulted his ancestors. They were a grumpy lot and didn't like being disturbed at teatime, but they reluctantly gave him some guidance. "Take the yellow-brick road," was their advice.

 

[rgoodbb]

Hermione cast prismatic road. Please let it be a three, please let it be a three, please let it be a three. The roll was a seven, and so the road was violet.
“Oh. hum” huffed Hermione
“Yes” Replied Hum
“What?” asked a confused Hermione.
“What?” Demanded Hum.
“Oh Hum!”
“Yes. That is my name. I literally said it, one post ago!”
“Yes! Hum. Be a dear and turn that seven into a three will you?”
"But of course."

And the road became yellow. They set off to find the children when Klick-Klack piped up
“Tik-tak-toe?” [Wait. Where are the four poppets?]

THACO poppeted his head out of the Rope Trick.
“In here with me of course”

“Why the of course?”

“Well, this is the designated storage area for all characters that the thread has forgotten about” Replied the Genii, matter of factly.

“Oh”

“Who or what else do you have up there then THACO?” asked Throg, son of Throg, gaining more interest now.

"Well let me find my storage list"….......

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"I've got all kinds of stuff up in here...

12 Partridges
22 Doves
30 Hens
36 Calling birds
40 Golden rings
42 Geese
42 Swans
40 Maids
36 Ladies
30 Lords
22 Pipers
12 Drummers

Hmmmm, that was an interesting fortnight when I collected that lot..

Continuing!

A terrarium with 12 ladybugs having a picnic..."

 

[BoldItalic]

"Do you have any stockings full of toys?" asked Hermione, "If you do, we could use them as bait in a Santa Clause trap. Or maybe a Santa Phrase trap, at least.

"Let me see," said THAC0. "Will this do?" and he tossed down a red and green knitted stocking with odd-shaped objects stuffed inside it. Hermione felt the toe and decided it contained a rather over-ripe apple, a bag of walnuts and a squeaky toy elephant. "Great," she said, "This is perfect."

"What are you going to do with it?" wondered Throg.

"Hang it over a chimney and cast a Glyph of warding on it, so when the HoHo merchant comes to investigate ... Bam!

"Sneaky," said Spiton. "And I thought I was the rogue around here."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Nah, if I were sneaky, I'd have used one of the coal-filled stockings, supplemented with some delicate bottles of oil, possibly some "Item"-ized torches & campfires...

Can you say fireball? How about conflagration? How about Ho-Ho-holocaust?"

*giggle giggle*

"That's not sneaky, that's evil! Heeeyyy- what's your alignment?"

"Ummm...slight pull to the right??"

 

[BoldItalic]

"I thought druids were supposed to be True Neutral?"

"Oh, for Oak's sake, that was aeons ago. Not since Sir Galahad multiclassed into Archdruid, formed the Circle of Devotion and started flinging around Vine Smite and Turn the Unholly. Now it's a matter of individual conscience."

"So I could do Barbarian/Bard and take Path of the Tom-Tom Warrior?" wondered Throg. "And if I get Font of Inspiration, will I be able to read funny letters by breathing in?"

"Sure. You can have my old bard college textbooks, I won't be needing them now," offered Spiton. "The Lay of the Lore is a good one to start with. It's kind of a primal. Then there's this one, Second Story Work, which is the sequel."

"Gee, thanks," replied Throg. "You da best. Here, I give you my Dragonchess set. It has extra elephant piece to keep up your sleeve for when the other guy is winning."

At that moment, the trapdoor opened and THAC0 stuck his head out. "Are we ready to move on?" he asked, "Only the Æthereal Winds are in quincunx and the galacto-spatial enthalpy is maximising right now."

"Yeah," said Throg.

"I want you all to roll a Dexterity save," said a disembodied voice through a mouthful of pizza.

 

[rgoodbb]

With the pizza being the renowned Volcano Blister Burner, The voice with now lips so burned and numbed, asked
“Thwog whayugeh”

“thix? Ith thith how we’re thaying thwingth now?”

“Coow. Hagog don’th you hava feesher”

“A whaa oh a feesher. Weckleth Attakw?”

“No. Thathnothith.”

“Danger Thenth?”

“Yeth. Wole again wif advantage”

“The-the-theeventeen”

“Coow. Klick-Klack?”

“Lak-A-Klick.” [Well I’m not speaking like that luv. One has standards you know. An imperious Nine by the way]

“Thooper, Hermione”

“I didn’t bring my dice…..I know! Stop looking at me like that, it’s only the second time. I made a bag out of like little twigs like a nest. I thought it would be all druidy and cool and stuff but it most have broken. I had green dice as well. Oh I don’t care about the roll give me a One. I know you all freekin’ love your dice and you’d never pull that sort of thing and you’re all perfect and you know everything.”

“….Uhm….OK…..Spiton?”

“…................I forgot my dice as well……”

 

[BoldItalic]

"Thigh. Uthe my dithe then."

"What are we rolling against?

"Ith a netht of therpenths tho itth deethee thixteen."

"I'm immune to serpents. It's a druid thing," claimed Hermione.

"Ith that on your character theet?"

"Yes, it's right here under Features and Traits. It's a Circle of the Basilisk feature. Honest."

"Thircle of the Bathelithk?"

"Yes, it was in a recent UA. We said in Session Zero that UA stuff was okay."

"Thit! Okay, ith not therpenth, ith thkeletonth. You encounter theven thkeletonth. Roll for inithiative."

"28" said Throg. "I get advantage. Plus I got the Alert Feat."

"The skeletons don't know I'm up here, pointed out THAC0. They are should be surprised.

"Okay, theemth fair. the thkeletonth are thurprished."

"Then everyone gets +5 initiative. I got the Ambush Master Feat," asserted Spiton.

"Look, letth forget thith. The shkeletonth thayed home, okay? Jeeth! You guyth minimaxed like crathy."

"We could encounter a seance of six sorceress sphinxes sitting side-saddle on sumptuous satin settees. Could be fun."

"Forget it."

 

[rgoodbb]

A little later…….

“Hang on.” Said Throg. “What was the sub-plot again?”

“Well…..I…..don’t know anymore. I get so confused these days. It’s almost like a few different people are telling our story and occasionally a storyteller, (especially this one here right now). Well occasionally, (He) they forget what the other ones have said before and totally lose their .”

“I don’t think they are the only ones totally losing their Hermione”

“OK. What is the plot right now and how many different ways have we got here and what different things have we done in the space of a few days……?”

“Uhm was that just all one question or a bucketload?”

“Uhm Guys. We need to cool it. I think she’s about to rage-quit on us”

“……I open up to you guys and all you do is deride me. I try to hold this group together and are you grateful? No of course not. Thanks for that Throg”

“No problem?”

“Thanks for that Spiton”

*Sad Trombone*

“Thanks…Klick”

“[]”

“Thanks, Thanks, Thanks.”

“Hey” Said Throg I like getting all this thanks. Can I have some more thanks Hermione? Gimmi some more thanks please”

“So long. And Fish for all the Thanks!”

 

[BoldItalic]

With that, Hermione flounce-quit and left the thread.

There was an awkward silence.

"Hum," said Hum. "I guess we didn't handle that very well."

"Thrnk-K-Thnik" [ ]

"We should have been more diplomatic," admitted THAC0.

"Maybe she just mad with us?" wondered Throg with, what was for him, astounding insight.

"Should we wait here for her to come back?"

"Could be a long wait."

"Can we get another lady druid?" wondered Throg. "It was kinda nice having her around. Maybe if we go back to the Painted Pumpkin and ask one-eyed Jak if any other lady druids been in lately?"

"You can't step into the same river twice."

"I still got Gildar in my pouch," remembered Throg. "We ought to find a temple, get him fixed. Maybe then he know how to get Hermione back."

"Good idea. Let's concentrate on finding a temple."