D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[rgoodbb]

Halfway towards a temple (because this is what always happens and predictably throws the party off of its next plot quest)………

“So THAC0, nice curry by the way. Tell me about that Surprise Round rule thing again, I get sooo confused” Stated Throg, stirring his Vindaloo round with a large spoon.

“Do not try and bend the surprise round. That's impossible. Instead, only realize the truth... THERE IS NO SURPRISE ROUND. Then you will see that it’s not the surprise round that bends, it is yourself.”

“Nope. Still not got it.” Pondered Throg, picking a bit of lamb out of his teeth.
“What is the Surprise Round?”

“It depicts a dystopian future in which reality as perceived by most humans is actually a simulated reality called "the Surprise Round", created by sentient machines to subdue the human population, while their bodies' heat and electrical activity are used as an energy source.”

“Actually drifting even farther away now. What do you define as the Surprise Round?”

“How do you define the surprise round? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then the surprise round is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. Throg, sooner or later you're going to realize, just as I did, that there's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path.”

“……………………….not hungry anymore”

 

[BoldItalic]

"A surprise round was something that happened to people in an earlier age of the world," said Spiton, succeeding at an Arcana/History check. "It's been abolished. Don't worry about it."

"Like segments? And weapon speeds?"

"Yes. They don't exist any more either."

"Great. Never could get the hang of those. So ... anyone for the ginger ice cream with pimento sauce?

Spiton and THAC0 breathed a collective sign of relief. Sometimes, Throg's short attention span was a blessing in dis guy's.

Later, as they gathered outside the restaurant, a drunken guardsman came by and rudely staggered into THAC0. This was surprising because a seventeen-foot tall genii in baggy trousers is hard to miss but the guard was very drunk and his passive perception was at a -5 penalty. Instantly, Throg had a battleaxe in his hand and was about to decapitate the guard when THAC0 held up his hand to stop him. In his hand was a curiously faceted, 20-sided gemstone. "You can't make an attack until we have rolled initiative," he announced.

"But I have complete surprise! I get a surprise round!"

"Nope. We roll initiative. Then you can try to hit him while he maybe does nothing to stop you."

"This crazy. I quit."

Whereupon Throg flounced out of the thread too.

 

[BoldItalic]

"And I'm not coming back" he shouted.

 

[BoldItalic]

"Ever!"

 

[BoldItalic]

"You'll be sorry!"

 

[BoldItalic]

"I mean it!"

 

[BoldItalic]

"You'll be begging me to come back!"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Spiton laid a hand on his shoulder, "Come back? Friend, it is as if you never left...because you're still here!!!"

He then gave his people's traditional farewell salute:

[video=youtube;tKdcjJoXeEY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKdcjJoXeEY&sns=em[/video]



...hitting the not-yet departed Throg with the last flare for some minor damage.


"Surprised?!?!?"

 

[Lanefan]

And with that the only two people whose names anyone could remember were gone, flouncing off into the sunset.

Meanwhile, some nameless guy threw a 20-sided gemstone at a drunken guardsman and turned him into a drunken unconscious guardsman on the spot.

The nameless group then stepped over the fallen guard and entered the restaurant, passing beneath but completely failing to notice a sign saying in very large letters

Welcome to the RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE

 

[BoldItalic]

"I'm not here," said Hermione firmly. "You can't write anything more about me, because I've completely and utterly gone from this thread numquam fui."

"Me neither," agreed Throg. "No more Throg stuff. You on your own. Jeg er ikke her."

"You going my way?"

"Why not?"

And they strolled off arm in arm into the sunset.