D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[BoldItalic]

As they were having this excellent conversation, the letters in the sky formed into three ominous words.............

Rule Four Initiative!​

 

[BoldItalic]

"Rule four initiative" what does it mean?
'Nard look'd perplex'd as he gaz'd at the sky.
Asking the flagon for guidance he turn'd,
Such was the horror his eyes had beheld.

"Hey man, what's with all the blank verse? It's so yesterday," said O'Cleufn. (He was vaguely Celtic on his mother's side).

"Chill out. Just roll with it," advised Sashi, languidly smoking a pipe of weed.

"Something's wrong. I cast Detect Magic," announced Ballnard decisively.

Harriette giggled and glowed green. So did Sashi, the entire flagon of flounce and several nearby tree-stumps that were home to some otherwise irrelevant pixies.

That wasn't a terribly wise thing to do, was it? Casting a 1st-level sorcerer spell, given the amount of wild magic present? No, it wasn't ...

 

[rgoodbb]

"That wasn't a terribly wise thing to do, was it? Casting a 1st-level sorcerer spell, given the amount of wild magic present? No, it wasn't"....

.....Said Sashi turning back to face 'na.............a potted plant. (roll 41) or was it a 14? he was so confused. I mean really confused. I wish I'd rolled that D10 with the double digits on. The potted plant thought, but we never roll percent-ile/age/ist dice.

"'nard. Is that you?" asked Harriet

"---" Potted plant..

 

[Lanefan]

"Quick!" called Sashi. "Grab that flagon of flounce and pour some on him! It'll either put him back to normal, or water him...either way, what could possibly go wrong?"

Thinking this was a less-than-good-but-the-best-anyone-was-going-to-come-up-with idea, and to a chorus of giggles from the surrounding tree stumps, Harriette started pouring flounce over the little plant....

 

[rgoodbb]

The Paranladinger cast Backyard's blowup pool, put the potted plant into it. She then moved a kid's slide (that was waiting in the wings) and got the flounce one-by one to slide down it into the pool and on top of the plant. Their sharp horns smashed the pot and 'Nard reappeared covered in flounce.

Harriet was so happy she rushed to the blowup pool. Because of.......a feat.......The pool provoked an opportunity attack from Harriet's embedded harpoon. POP....SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....

The letters in the sky changed

Rule Free Initiative!​

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Sashi read the words in horror.."So that means..."

Harriet finished her sentence, "It's in the air tonight: it's a free-for-all."

As these words were spoken, somewhere in the distance, someone yelled "Yeah!!!", and a sound like a thousand screaming lutes erupted.

Harriet asked, "Did you hear that?"

Sashi's chin fell to her chest and her shoulders slumped and sighed- "It's my Uncle Ted."

 

[Craig Fox]

Meanwhile, across the world somewhere.

An intrepid band of adventurers approached a mysterious cave entrance in the side of a hill. In front of the entrance stood a battered wooden sign. Craning her neck forward, the half-elven ranger Jezza squinted to read the sign. "Welcome to the ... TOMB OF HORS D'OEUVRES, it says."
"Sounds great, I'm hungry" said Stonnard the dwarf, striding forward, only to be stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. "You can't just barge on in without some proper reconnaissance." said the voice of Verice, a human female cleric.
At that point, a small hunched human-like figure in a thick cloak emerged from the entrance. "Oh look, visitors!" he exclaimed, with a note of excitement. "Do come in, the master would love to dine with you."
"And who is your master?" asked Phinsk, the last and shortest member of the group, a halfling and warlock by trade. The cloaked little man looked him straight back in the eye.
"Oh, he's Acererak." he replied nonchalantly.

The group recoiled, and Verice turned hard on her feet. "Come on, we're leaving."
"Oh no, please!" the little man beseeched. "Sorry, I should have mentioned. Not that Acererak. Someone else who's also called Acererak."
"Yes, it's a common name." said Phinsk drily. "So you want us to come in, and meet The Other Acererak, and, ummm, eat hors d'oeuvres with him."
"Will there be fish?" asked Jezza. "It's been ages since I had some delicious fish."
"Never mind fish." laughed Stonnard. "I want some good thick sizzling meat! Big thick roasted haunches!"
"Oh yes!" assured the cloaked figure. "Fish, meat, vegetables, nuts, sweet rolls, everything you could want."

The party started moving towards the cave entrance, mouths drooling. "Hang on" exclaimed Verice. "You're really about to head into a mysterious crypt called the Tomb of Hors D'oeuvres run by a guy we're assured is The Other Acererak and not That Acererak, just because you can't be bothered walking back to town for dinner?"
"Heck yeah, and if you don't hurry, there'll be none left for you." replied Phinsk.
Verice sighed, throwing her hands in the air. "As usual, I have to keep you lot out of trouble." she muttered, following her companions inside.

 

[BoldItalic]

"Pass the pizza," said Sashi, "I'm still working up my character. Do you think Verice would work better with an Urchin background, instead of the usual Acolyte? I've rolled Personality Trait 1: I hide scraps of food and trinkets away in my pockets. Adds a bit of depth to a cleric, don't you think?"

"Up to you," said Ballnard, generously pretending not to notice that Sashi had just slipped a slice of the pizza into her handbag. "Personally, I'm going with Guild Artisan for Stonnard. Masons & Stonecutters is a natural for a dwarf, especially as I've rolled a '6' for his Ideal - I work hard to be the best there is at my craft. Somewhere along the line, we're bound to need masterwork corbels."

"I've been wanting to <gust> play a half-elven <gust> ranger for ages <gust>", offered Harriette. "Jezza is going <gust> to come from a farm <gust> that was overrun <gust> by bugbears who killed <gust> her druid uncle.<gust>"

"What about Phinsk?" Sashi asked Uncle Ted. "Can you please put down that toy lute for a moment and pay attention to the game?"

"I am a free spirit," retorted Ted, "No one tells me what to do. I was a pirate, sailing the five seas. Look, I have papers here to prove it. Signed by Captain Pegleg, no less. They have water stains and everything. I'm quite proud of the water stains. You wouldn't believe what you can do with cold tea."

"Oops," he added, furiously trying to cover up his gaffe. "It wasn't cold tea. There was absolutely no cold tea involved at all. That is a complete fabrication. I lie about almost everything, even when there's no good reason to. I didn't fake the pirate papers."

"Okay, okay, we believe you," said Ballnard. Now, we're inside the Tomb of Hors D'oeuvres. We should be checking for traps. Who's got the ten-foot pole?

 

[rgoodbb]

"Ten foot pole. That has to be my cha....I'm bored with this character can I swap them out?" Asked Ballnard
"You've literally just started playing this second!"
"Can I swap?"
"No"
"Multiclass"
"No"
"Kill them off deliberately"
"No"
"Accidently?"
"No"
"Change my background"
"No"
"Swap my Equipment"
"No"
"Why not"
"No..Oh... uhm we need a ten foot pole specialist and you're it?"

..........Two hours later and just 25 feet in, Tap-knock-tap-tap-knock-knock-tap-tap-knock-knock-knock-tap-knock-tap-tap

"OK! OK!...Play what the heck you want. I don't care anymore"

"Yay! I'm going to play a Dwarf Fighter!"

"But....you....

 

[Craig Fox]

"Ok Stonnard, put that thing down." said Jezza. "It's been ages, and we're late for dinner."
"On here?" asked Stonnard, motioning towards a huge pile of ten-foot poles that nearly blocked the passage.
"Yeah, sure." replied Jezza. "Looks like most groups give up their 10 foot poles around this point."
"That's how it is these days." remarked Verice. "According to the cool kids, 10 foot poles went out with infravision."
"What happened to the Cool Kids anyway?" asked Phinsk. "They were quite the adventuring group."
"Last I heard, they went off to fight in the Edition Wars, and never really recovered." said Stonnard. He started to squeeze his fat belly past all the ten-foot poles. "By the way, so we don't have to keep calling you 'little cloaked guy', what's your name?"

The little cloaked guy hemmed and hawed. "Umm, this is awkward, but I was just supposed to be a generic NPC guiding you to your next location. The DM never gave me a name. Any suggestions?"
"Hmm, let's see ... Bob, until we think of something better." said Verice.
"Bob Untilwethinkofsomethingbetter? That's a bit of a mouthful." said Jezza. "Let's shorten it to Bob Until."
"Yep, that'll do." said Bob Until. The group continued to wriggle past the mound of ten-foot poles. Just as they were all on the other side, they heard a strange noise in the distance.

"Hey, what's that?" asked Phinsk.
Jezza listened hard. "Wow ... sounds like an unholy concoction of piteous wailing and self-aggrandising rants. And it's headed this way!"
Stonnard gulped. "Oh my god, could it be?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so." said Bob Until. "That's a Flounce, and a group of five is an audience just big enough to attract its attention. I'd leave, but you need me as a guide."
Phinsk glanced around. "Nowhere to run, folks." he said. "Let's get ready."