Poseidon smelled something fishy...
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NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.
D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!
- Thread starter Thedip
- Start date
rgoodbb
Adventurer
After Communing with Nature, Moss stood up and whistled for his faithful wolfhound Bogweed. Where was she now? Moss used Thorn Whip to pick up a stick and fling it in the air.
The giant dog leapt from the undergrowth and snatched it in her teeth. Moss had work to do. He knew now his porpoise in life. He did a weapon check. Pike, Javelin, Swordfish. He was set. Maybe Queen Danio would help. He started walking, his stomach giving him pain again. He’d need to see a sturgeon sooner or later about that.
He had to find and recruit a Paladin called Carp Goodrock to perform a curse removing ritual. The journey of course would not be that easy.
“Mornin’” Said Carp
Oh. It actually was really easy…….
The giant dog leapt from the undergrowth and snatched it in her teeth. Moss had work to do. He knew now his porpoise in life. He did a weapon check. Pike, Javelin, Swordfish. He was set. Maybe Queen Danio would help. He started walking, his stomach giving him pain again. He’d need to see a sturgeon sooner or later about that.
He had to find and recruit a Paladin called Carp Goodrock to perform a curse removing ritual. The journey of course would not be that easy.
“Mornin’” Said Carp
Oh. It actually was really easy…….
BoldItalic
First Post
Sir! Sir!
Yes, Trainger? Why the agitation? Do you need to see Matron?
It's the thread, Sir! It won't stop Sir!
Nonsense, boy. Get a grip. Remember the school motto: DOCETE PISCARI ILLEM
But Sir, ...
"I don't usually do this had oc," grumbled Carp, "but maybe just this once."
Cursus Removus!
Yes, Trainger? Why the agitation? Do you need to see Matron?
It's the thread, Sir! It won't stop Sir!
Nonsense, boy. Get a grip. Remember the school motto: DOCETE PISCARI ILLEM
But Sir, ...
"I don't usually do this had oc," grumbled Carp, "but maybe just this once."
Cursus Removus!
BoldItalic
First Post
Did it work? Can I stop now?
"No," said Ariadne, "You must keep following this thread, or you will never escape the labyrinth."
WTF? Is this another NPC from Greek mythology?
"I am the daughter of King Minas of Tirith, not to be confused with that other one who ran off with Thedipseus on Page One then abandoned him on a remote island and married Dionysus instead."
We wondered why he never came back. Do you promise you have nothing whatsoever to do with fish in any shape or form?
"Absolutely. I'm allergic to sea food."
Anything else even remotely wet?
"Well, I do have this thing about frogs."
Enter: a Chorus of Frogs, singing Ariadne's praises.
"No," said Ariadne, "You must keep following this thread, or you will never escape the labyrinth."
WTF? Is this another NPC from Greek mythology?
"I am the daughter of King Minas of Tirith, not to be confused with that other one who ran off with Thedipseus on Page One then abandoned him on a remote island and married Dionysus instead."
We wondered why he never came back. Do you promise you have nothing whatsoever to do with fish in any shape or form?
"Absolutely. I'm allergic to sea food."
Anything else even remotely wet?
"Well, I do have this thing about frogs."
Enter: a Chorus of Frogs, singing Ariadne's praises.
rgoodbb
Adventurer
Rene the Minotaur, bumped into Ariadne who in turn bumped into Moss, Bogweed and Carp. It was dark and they were lost.
"Hang on. Don't Minotaurs know the way?"
"Uhrm..Zis ees embaraseeng. I em a Minotaur oui, burt I ef no sense of de-rek-sceon"
"Where did they pluck you out of?"
"Well I was Pissing by ze Wondew."
"Say no more. We understand. How come you can get lost then Rene?"
"I em actually not ze Minotaur you see in front of you. I am an Awaked Marlin polymorphed into zees. I keep polymorph shonging as well!"
"A marlin! I thought you said no more fish. I distinctly remember you saying that"
"Wait who are you now" Ariadne said
"It is I, Rene." said a recently polymorphed minotaur into a fox. "Listen very carefully, I shall say zees only once".....
"Hang on. Don't Minotaurs know the way?"
"Uhrm..Zis ees embaraseeng. I em a Minotaur oui, burt I ef no sense of de-rek-sceon"
"Where did they pluck you out of?"
"Well I was Pissing by ze Wondew."
"Say no more. We understand. How come you can get lost then Rene?"
"I em actually not ze Minotaur you see in front of you. I am an Awaked Marlin polymorphed into zees. I keep polymorph shonging as well!"
"A marlin! I thought you said no more fish. I distinctly remember you saying that"
"Wait who are you now" Ariadne said
"It is I, Rene." said a recently polymorphed minotaur into a fox. "Listen very carefully, I shall say zees only once".....
BoldItalic
First Post
"Ze Breetish hairmen must be 'idden een your cafe until ze chairmens 'ave gone. Zey must suspect nuzzing!"
"And 'ow am I supposed to do this?"
"We will orange for an inveezible trapdoor in ze roof. Ze codeword is 'thaceau'. "
"Oh no, not again!"
"Is there a problem, chaps?" asked Ariadne.
"And 'ow am I supposed to do this?"
"We will orange for an inveezible trapdoor in ze roof. Ze codeword is 'thaceau'. "
"Oh no, not again!"
"Is there a problem, chaps?" asked Ariadne.
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rgoodbb
Adventurer
Just then the wailing of a banshee shook all of their hearts
"What was that?" posed Ariadne.
"Do nut be alar-med. Eat eez ze mudd-air of ma waf"
"Who are you?" Asked Moss who'd been feeling quite redundant for a few posts now. He was staring at a were-rabbit.
"Eat eez I. Rene. Listen very carefully....Angon I smell fish....Queek. We must Ide. It eez Her Grouper"
"What was that?" posed Ariadne.
"Do nut be alar-med. Eat eez ze mudd-air of ma waf"
"Who are you?" Asked Moss who'd been feeling quite redundant for a few posts now. He was staring at a were-rabbit.
"Eat eez I. Rene. Listen very carefully....Angon I smell fish....Queek. We must Ide. It eez Her Grouper"
BoldItalic
First Post
We would like to apologize to readers of this thread for any inconvenience arising from the recent grounding of all thac0airlines magic carpets. The cause is believed to be a total failure of our Divination Services Branch to foresee that anything like this could possibly happen.
We would like to reassure you that your safety is our paramount concern and we will sending out mule teams to rescue people as soon as we can find where we put the maps.
We strongly urge people to contact our local representatives before setting out on journeys between the planes. Our representatives will be found hiding in shadows, looking bewildered and wearing their thac0airlines turbans backwards to avoid being recognised.
Thank you for your understanding.
We would like to reassure you that your safety is our paramount concern and we will sending out mule teams to rescue people as soon as we can find where we put the maps.
We strongly urge people to contact our local representatives before setting out on journeys between the planes. Our representatives will be found hiding in shadows, looking bewildered and wearing their thac0airlines turbans backwards to avoid being recognised.
Thank you for your understanding.
Fly THAC0 - you know it makes ascents!
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BoldItalic
First Post
Fortunately, although Grouper spoke proudly of his little tank, there was nothing particularly fishy about his presence in the café.
Nevertheless, Moss disguised himself as a piano tuna by draping a string of onions around his neck, Bogweed was quickly dressed up as a rather short waitress and Carp assumed his usual identity as Officer Crabshell, a French gendarme with a comical accent. Meanwhile, Rene and Ariadne staged a passionate embrace in the kitchen to be discovered by Rene's wife, Madame Edith, who, when she demanded to know what they were doing, was told "You stupid woman! Can you not see that this poor haddock is gasping for air?"
"We shad make our escallop," suggested Carp using his Crabshell voice, "Before a whale squid arroves."
Nevertheless, Moss disguised himself as a piano tuna by draping a string of onions around his neck, Bogweed was quickly dressed up as a rather short waitress and Carp assumed his usual identity as Officer Crabshell, a French gendarme with a comical accent. Meanwhile, Rene and Ariadne staged a passionate embrace in the kitchen to be discovered by Rene's wife, Madame Edith, who, when she demanded to know what they were doing, was told "You stupid woman! Can you not see that this poor haddock is gasping for air?"
"We shad make our escallop," suggested Carp using his Crabshell voice, "Before a whale squid arroves."
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