So What Do Ye Do for a Living?

The traveling craftworker-merchants of the Realms are a numerous and varied lot, and over the years Iâ??ve found them to be a great way of adding color and interest to unfolding Realmsplay. They are excellent lures for bringing PCs into unintended or unforeseen adventures, as well as great recurring foes.

Read So What Do Ye Do for a Living? on D&D Insider here!
 

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timASW

Visitor
Once I was a warrior, now I sell warriors a package to ensure their loved ones dont need to pay for a low level adventuring band to drag their sorry corpse out of the dungeon and bury it.

Because they were responsible adults who took care of their final expenses rather then dumping them on their family.
 

Loonook

Visitor
Once I was a warrior, now I sell warriors a package to ensure their loved ones dont need to pay for a low level adventuring band to drag their sorry corpse out of the dungeon and bury it.

Because they were responsible adults who took care of their final expenses rather then dumping them on their family.
See, I include that as part of my Happy Lairs, Happy Denizens Dungeonowners Insurance package. As a humble assurancer with The Greater Abyssal Employees Insurance COnsotrium (GAEICO for short) I provide several reasonable packages for those who understand their lives, afterlives, or painful coplanar psuedoexistence should be as comfortable and protected as possible.

Some upstart mage burns your favorite tapestries? We cover it.

Your apprentice releases a plague demon and suffers from fiendrot on his... hands? We cover it.

A paladin suffused with the holy will of the divine stinking up your desecrated altar? With our HL/HD DIP a team of neutrally aligned minions will provide white-glove services to clear the body, clean any holy stains, and replace all of your goods after a small deductible.

At GAEICO, you are in excellent hands. Well, claws... Occasionally tentacles or multidimensional extensions of an eldritch will.

What I'm saying is that GAEICO cares.

And remember. With the Winter Solstice coming, our temporary ritual insurance rates are at an all-century low. If you are planning to summon a creature of immeasurable cold from a plane of pure entropy, call GAEICO for that extra protection. Our psychic agents are standing by for any questions, comments, or concerns you may have.

(Se habla Espanol)
(Oadriax Goho Ba'balon)

Slainte,

-Loonook.
 

timASW

Visitor
See, I include that as part of my Happy Lairs, Happy Denizens Dungeonowners Insurance package. As a humble assurancer with The Greater Abyssal Employees Insurance COnsotrium (GAEICO for short) I provide several reasonable packages for those who understand their lives, afterlives, or painful coplanar psuedoexistence should be as comfortable and protected as possible.

Some upstart mage burns your favorite tapestries? We cover it.

Your apprentice releases a plague demon and suffers from fiendrot on his... hands? We cover it.

A paladin suffused with the holy will of the divine stinking up your desecrated altar? With our HL/HD DIP a team of neutrally aligned minions will provide white-glove services to clear the body, clean any holy stains, and replace all of your goods after a small deductible.

At GAEICO, you are in excellent hands. Well, claws... Occasionally tentacles or multidimensional extensions of an eldritch will.

What I'm saying is that GAEICO cares.

And remember. With the Winter Solstice coming, our temporary ritual insurance rates are at an all-century low. If you are planning to summon a creature of immeasurable cold from a plane of pure entropy, call GAEICO for that extra protection. Our psychic agents are standing by for any questions, comments, or concerns you may have.

(Se habla Espanol)
(Oadriax Goho Ba'balon)

Slainte,

-Loonook.
For us it goes like this...

Loot a great dungeon? Make a million gold? Well the king and the duke want 40% of that.

Pay up or go to the dungeon.

Master assassin hired by the lord of previous dungeon kills you while your occupied "saving" ladies of ill repute?

The king and duke want another 40% of your total worth.

But aha, you put your worth with us, the temple of foresight, knowing that one day you will be found..... wanting in a challenging encounter.

And so we give what you have given to us (plus some interest) to your apprentices without the nobility getting their grubby paws on it, because our sages are more powerful then their rogues/thugs.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
"I'm a maintenance man for Feyrizon, a mercantile guild specializing in supplying mystical communication services and content for all kinds of mystic devices, ranging from Crystal Balls, to Magic Mirrors, Scrying Ponds, and even handheld communication crystals."
 

Loonook

Visitor
And so we give what you have given to us (plus some interest) to your apprentices without the nobility getting their grubby paws on it, because our sages are more powerful then their rogues/thugs.
Well, of course that is an option. But what happens if in the middle of turning the seas red with the blood of the blessed you become impregnated by the genius loci of a place of foul corruption?

What I'm meaning to say here is GAEICO provides maternity insurance.

It's gender neutral. Just ask your spokesperson about our Imps and Flails and Basilisk Tails coverage.

Slainte,

-Loonook.

EDIT:

"I'm a maintenance man for Feyrizon, a mercantile guild specializing in supplying mystical communication services and content for all kinds of mystic devices, ranging from Crystal Balls, to Magic Mirrors, Scrying Ponds, and even handheld communication crystals."
Feyrizon always drops my mirror coverage in the worst situations. As a travelling salesman I much prefer the work of Abyssal Teleportation and Telepath.

Also, they do carry the Eye-Phone V. Very important for my beholder sales partner.
 

Loonook

Visitor
"I'm a 3rd shift short-order cook in a 24 hour hobbit diner."
How do you handle it? Between fourthmeal, late night munches, and dawn tea? It would drive me insane.

I mean, before I worked in insurance I tried a few things. Just out of school I worked on the docks until that mimic accident. The box felt heavy, but I've never seen a whole package of Delicious Rogue Pies (now in Sneaky Strawberry and Backstabbing Blueberry).

Then there was that time working as a daytime errand runner for the bloke in the big castle. So many red wine stains! Had to go to multiple laundries just to stop the questions.

Then I was a blink dog walker until one dislocated my shoulder by blinking in fear from a milk carriage.

Of course there was that bit of time where I sold leprechaun gold chains, but that business only goes if you're willing to travel ahead of them turning to leaves.

So I finally decided to settle down and sign up with GAEICO. The benefits are excellent, and I get to meet the most interesting people.

Slainte,

-Loonook.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Well, I was but one of many in the kitchen, so I did get time to myself.

Still, it was better than the job my old man had: he was a tailor, and one of his most prominent customers was shapeshifter with multiple personalities.
 

Loonook

Visitor
Tasty Spam
Ahh, a young and intrepid swineherd. Reminds me of my father and his current pension being drawn from the United Goods Guild. UGG was a great Guild, but his work cleaning hippogriff manure was done with pride AND prejudice.

Slainte,

-Loonook.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
I tell you, the one thing I hate working at the diner...there's this one human who comes in and keeps ordering the Phoenix.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
Lost the job at the diner, but I think I'll land on my (not so hairy) feet. I have a cousin who might give me a job- he modifies chariots and wagons with outlandish colors and features. There was one I remember had undersized wheels and a continual light spell on its underside.
 

Dannyalcatraz

Moderator
Staff member
On the other hand, I got an Uncle Jimmy who advertises HIS business- an icehouse for storing the creature carcasses brought home by adventurers- with a big sign on his lawn, "Dead Naga Storage"...

I could do that.
 
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