Sticking with the wrong group for longer than you should.

[Marc_C]

You either leave the group (as a GM) or stop inviting the problematic player. No role playing is better than bad role playing.

 

[aco175]

I 'sing' "I wanna be... an air-born ranger..!"

Fond memories of singing that song. Thanks. Lot better than 'Tiny Bubbles'.

 

[Blue]

I've left a group that I was RL friends with because the DM just wasn't doing it for me. I stayed a lot longer than I should have because both the friend thing, and because the other characters were so much fun. It was tough, but there wasn't any hard feelings. And the rest of the group left for similar reasons within the year.

When I was young, I wasn't particularly tolerant of other play styles than I was familiar, which mostly came up at conventions. It wasn't until I was DMing at a convention for the first time when I realized that this group of people all enjoyed each other's style (it was rather silly), and they were all here to have fun, and I just learned to relax and go with it.

But for a home campaign I find it better when everyone at the table have compatible styles (which doesn't require the same style, but ones that work together).

I'm struggling with this a little in one game I'm currently running. One player is very much "we follow the story the DM puts down for us". He runs the same way, and he's a great DM, I've done Dragon Heist, Avernus and now in Ravenloft with him running. Another player is "if this is interesting, let's chase it". The latter is closer to how I run, tailoring a lot to what the players find interesting. But their characters end up disagreeing often on what to do next as bleed-over from valid but minorly differing player preferences.

 

[loverdrive]

The harder question is as a GM, how do you tell a player who just isn't working out in your group, "It's not you, it's me"?

Especially when that player is a friend in real life?

Well, this one is simple. Don't play with your existing friends ¯\(ツ)/¯

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

I put up with a lot of bad player behavior on account of them being my friends. In the end I finished that campaign and just didn't invite them to the next one. Still friends with them (with one exception, who was bad enough to get a hard boot before then), but I'm not going to game with them. Just because people are friends does not mean they area good fit gaming-wise.

One of them asked me a while back (pre-pandemic) "so when are you starting up the next campaign?" My reply was just "Oh, I'm just really busy with work and my other game right now and I just just don't have the energy to take on another campaign right now." I won't say part of me wasn't tempted to call him out on his bad behavior then and there, but since I value our friendship more, I left at just that slight fib instead.

The only times recently I've been a player and had a bad table fit were at conventions. I've been lucky that most of the players and DMs/GMs have been good at cons (or at least inoffensively average), but there've been a handful of times where one or the other or both just weren't fun to game with. In those instances, I generally just grin and bear it until the 2-4 hours are up, I've got my XP, and I never have to see these people again. There was one time I was this close to getting up and walking, but my brother prevailed on me to stick it out.

 

[Marc_C]

Except for my first group in the early 80s I never played D&D with 'friends'. My players are recruited for their interest in RPGs. Some have become friends over time.

 

[pming]

Hiya!

Fond memories of singing that song. Thanks. Lot better than 'Tiny Bubbles'.

Not so much when it involves kittens and a paper bag...

^_^

Paul L. Ming

 

[aramis erak]

So with all that said, my question for the forum is this: Have you found yourself sticking with the wrong group for longer than you should? What tipped you off that it was a bad fit? And did you manage to get out without too much fuss, or was it a nasty breakup?

(Comic for illustrative purposes.)

No. But I have had the wrong player stick with me in an open table group. (I was being paid to GM.) It was kind of awesome being the GM that had more people wanting to be at my table than the others' tables, but it did mean I had two players who were not particularly good fits with the others (who were showing up an hour early to ensure being at my table)... both of whom are good players, but really didn't mesh with the group. And one of them, there is bad blood over it. (As in, the regional manager for Adventurer's League got involved kind of bad blood between 1 player and 4 others.) Those 4? I'm still running for them, via VOIP, 5 years since I left state.

 

[erc1971]

My suggestion to anybody will always be to step away from the group if they are a bad fit for you. I have run across plenty of people who were not compatible with me as far as gaming goes, but the one time I tried to stick it out I kept getting more and more frustrated as time went on and shamefully lost my temper. Luckily I have been with a great group for the last 15 years now, and looking forward to another 15 or more.

 

[payn]

Online has changed everything. Folks are no longer stuck in tiny towns with a shallow pool of gamers. One shots, organized play, cons, whatever. Try before you buy. Never sign up to long term campaign with strangers or acquaintances. This way there is no commitment and backing away is easy. It's also good to remember that sometimes your best friends make the worst gamers.