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Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done
- Thread starter Lalalei2001
- Start date
The Human Target
Adventurer
Good gods, this thread makes me so glad I game with the people I do. 
We have plenty of "Oh crap" moments, but they're generally never on purpose.
Lemme see here.
The 1st level party setting up a base in their hometown decides to take a job reclaiming an old cottage from some kobolds. Things get a little hairy when the party splits up, the barbarian and cleric go through the front door and the rest climb up into the top floor window. The cleric and barbarian end up falling right into a classic ten foot pit, and then getting wailed on by crossbo wielding kobold sentires. The other group fumbles into the attic, only to be jumped by kobolds. Eventually the all meet up and make it to the final room with the remnants of thew kobold warriors and all the eggs, babes, and females. They decide to force the rest of the kobolds out. but the barbaian makes a demand. He (a CN half orc who pretty much lived as a wildman in the woods since puberty) wants one of the eggs. To eat fro breakfast the next day. So begins an hour long debate. me asking him if he really wants to eat a sentient creature and to give me a good reason why his character would, the party all draws down on each other, half against the idea and the other half not wanting to get anyone killed over it. In the end, when the neutral characters all turn against him, the barbarian lets it go. We almost had a party vs party fight in the first night of the game.
It never fails. We come up with an elaborate shared backstory for why the PCs are together and in ten minutes they're at each others throats. We played a game where everyone woke up in the woods on night one with no memories. And eveyone were messed up races, a drow, a half-dragon, a half-celestial, etc. And they all get along like family and share their cure potions with eachother. :\
Oh no, I thought of another one.
Same group as the first story, same campaign. One new player, a girl we knew who roleplayed a lot made up a half-drow druid. True Neutral. The PCs go to work as armed escorts for the frontier townspeople. They go to a little out of the way walled farm. Basically, they suspect a werwolf killed some of the farmers, and they (wrongly) think that its one of the farmers doing the killing. So they gather everyone together, the druid begins using all her freshly prepared spells to create water and help all the farm crops grow. The cleric casts detect eveil, and the only person who registers is a teenaged boy who has given the party lip (thought to be fair the party did deserve it at the time.) Later on, half the group becomes convinced that the kid is the werebeast, and the other half think he could be but they need more proof. So they decide to stake him out, and set up camp at the farm, outside the communal sleep house. The moon starts to rise as the farmers have already turned in, and the young man comes outside. They watch as he relieves himself against a tree, and goes back inside. The rogue of the party is pretty convinced the kid is the monster, and even if he isn't the kid detected as evil. So the neutral halfing creeps silently into the large main sleeping quarters of the workers and their families, crosses the main room full of sleeping people, finds the sleeping youth, and slits him from ear to ear. Blood gushes but no one wakes up. He snakes back out, and informs the party everything is taken care of. Horrified at what he might have done, the neutral good ranger sneaks into the house, finds the body, and sneaks out to tell everyone what the halfling did. The party gets into a whispered fight about what he did, and before the decide on course of action, they hear the screams of a little girl in the house. Of course, someone woke up and stepped in a pool of warm blood. The farmers wake up and confront the PCs asking them whats going on. The ranger informs the farmers that they suspected the young man of lycanthropy, and the rogue made a tactical decision to kill the young man before he could change and kill them all. The townsfolk, knowing that there was no way the lad could have been the monster, start to hurl anything they can find at the party to drive them off.
And of course, as soon as the party rogue begins to scrable away and the party decides it might be a good idea to leave, a farmer screams out in pain as he's ripped from head to crotch by the teeth of a huge wolf. A huge and bloody fight ensues with the werewolf.
They manage to maim him after a while, and he starts to flee into the woods. The party is glad, as they're all about dead. Except for that same barbarian. In a rage, and with about 12 hitpoints left he runs into the woods after the werewolf. Alone. In the night. When he realizes no one followed him he slows down, only to be jumed by a pack of wolves in the werewolf's thrall. I rolled totally in the open using the stats for the wolf presnet in the MM1. And somehow, he killed all four of them and managed to stay alive with exactly one hitpoint. It was the most amazingly dumb thing I have ever seen, and he made it out alive. He chuged potions, and ran back.
So the party waits till the morning to leave, but not before a farmer lets slip that a boy had been attacked by the beast and survived. But fearing he was cursed and too weak to put him to the sword, they take the boy a few miles away to an old burned down estate and chucked him in a well.
So the PCs go to the well. And the halfdrow druid decides to go down into the well and haul the kid back up. As she gets near the bottom, she can clearly see the claw marks scratched into the stone and knows the kid is infected with the disease. But, knowing the party may mercy kill him, she tells no one and they haul the boy, who is inshock, out of the well and decide to take him home. Only problem, they still have one night of the fullmoon left, and no one but the druid knows he'll turn come sunset. She says they need to race him back before he dies of exposure. They do.
And they almost make it. The kid, riding on the clerics horse. Starts to fidget as the sun sets and they're riding hard past the town gates and to the temple of his god. He realizes whats gonna happen, rides his horse into the temple, and rushes for the cells the church keeps for the magically afflicted. And as he leaps down the stairs the kid turns. Chaos ensues. The werewolf starts to maul everyone. The cleric leaps into the cage, baiting the wolf to follow. It does, and they seal him in with it. But thankfully he manages to get off a spell to disable it and the encounter ends.
Fast forward a session, and after the group has cured the child of his afflicaton, as well as the party cleric and rogue who both too had been cursed and would have turned a month later. The group decides to go back to the farm, and take the villagers to task for leaving that boy in a well. (Which is funny, all things considering.) They find the farm totally empty, with no explination. It seems like the place was deserted (when really human hating elves murdered them all and buried them in the woods.) Of course, the group decides to spend the night to see if anything happens, and the orignal werewolf and his new pack are attracted the the abandoned village by the smoke of the cooking fires the PCs lit. A battle ensues, and the manage to take the monsters down.
That was the first, third, and fourth nights of the game.
Imagine how things went from there.
It was fun though.
Other than the time the rogue was almost killed while planning future landscaping by an assassin vine that lived in the back yard of the watch tower they moved into....
And when the ranger retired at sixth level due to job related stress and became a message carrier.
We have plenty of "Oh crap" moments, but they're generally never on purpose.
Lemme see here.
The 1st level party setting up a base in their hometown decides to take a job reclaiming an old cottage from some kobolds. Things get a little hairy when the party splits up, the barbarian and cleric go through the front door and the rest climb up into the top floor window. The cleric and barbarian end up falling right into a classic ten foot pit, and then getting wailed on by crossbo wielding kobold sentires. The other group fumbles into the attic, only to be jumped by kobolds. Eventually the all meet up and make it to the final room with the remnants of thew kobold warriors and all the eggs, babes, and females. They decide to force the rest of the kobolds out. but the barbaian makes a demand. He (a CN half orc who pretty much lived as a wildman in the woods since puberty) wants one of the eggs. To eat fro breakfast the next day. So begins an hour long debate. me asking him if he really wants to eat a sentient creature and to give me a good reason why his character would, the party all draws down on each other, half against the idea and the other half not wanting to get anyone killed over it. In the end, when the neutral characters all turn against him, the barbarian lets it go. We almost had a party vs party fight in the first night of the game.
It never fails. We come up with an elaborate shared backstory for why the PCs are together and in ten minutes they're at each others throats. We played a game where everyone woke up in the woods on night one with no memories. And eveyone were messed up races, a drow, a half-dragon, a half-celestial, etc. And they all get along like family and share their cure potions with eachother. :\
Oh no, I thought of another one.
Same group as the first story, same campaign. One new player, a girl we knew who roleplayed a lot made up a half-drow druid. True Neutral. The PCs go to work as armed escorts for the frontier townspeople. They go to a little out of the way walled farm. Basically, they suspect a werwolf killed some of the farmers, and they (wrongly) think that its one of the farmers doing the killing. So they gather everyone together, the druid begins using all her freshly prepared spells to create water and help all the farm crops grow. The cleric casts detect eveil, and the only person who registers is a teenaged boy who has given the party lip (thought to be fair the party did deserve it at the time.) Later on, half the group becomes convinced that the kid is the werebeast, and the other half think he could be but they need more proof. So they decide to stake him out, and set up camp at the farm, outside the communal sleep house. The moon starts to rise as the farmers have already turned in, and the young man comes outside. They watch as he relieves himself against a tree, and goes back inside. The rogue of the party is pretty convinced the kid is the monster, and even if he isn't the kid detected as evil. So the neutral halfing creeps silently into the large main sleeping quarters of the workers and their families, crosses the main room full of sleeping people, finds the sleeping youth, and slits him from ear to ear. Blood gushes but no one wakes up. He snakes back out, and informs the party everything is taken care of. Horrified at what he might have done, the neutral good ranger sneaks into the house, finds the body, and sneaks out to tell everyone what the halfling did. The party gets into a whispered fight about what he did, and before the decide on course of action, they hear the screams of a little girl in the house. Of course, someone woke up and stepped in a pool of warm blood. The farmers wake up and confront the PCs asking them whats going on. The ranger informs the farmers that they suspected the young man of lycanthropy, and the rogue made a tactical decision to kill the young man before he could change and kill them all. The townsfolk, knowing that there was no way the lad could have been the monster, start to hurl anything they can find at the party to drive them off.
And of course, as soon as the party rogue begins to scrable away and the party decides it might be a good idea to leave, a farmer screams out in pain as he's ripped from head to crotch by the teeth of a huge wolf. A huge and bloody fight ensues with the werewolf.
They manage to maim him after a while, and he starts to flee into the woods. The party is glad, as they're all about dead. Except for that same barbarian. In a rage, and with about 12 hitpoints left he runs into the woods after the werewolf. Alone. In the night. When he realizes no one followed him he slows down, only to be jumed by a pack of wolves in the werewolf's thrall. I rolled totally in the open using the stats for the wolf presnet in the MM1. And somehow, he killed all four of them and managed to stay alive with exactly one hitpoint. It was the most amazingly dumb thing I have ever seen, and he made it out alive. He chuged potions, and ran back.
So the party waits till the morning to leave, but not before a farmer lets slip that a boy had been attacked by the beast and survived. But fearing he was cursed and too weak to put him to the sword, they take the boy a few miles away to an old burned down estate and chucked him in a well.
So the PCs go to the well. And the halfdrow druid decides to go down into the well and haul the kid back up. As she gets near the bottom, she can clearly see the claw marks scratched into the stone and knows the kid is infected with the disease. But, knowing the party may mercy kill him, she tells no one and they haul the boy, who is inshock, out of the well and decide to take him home. Only problem, they still have one night of the fullmoon left, and no one but the druid knows he'll turn come sunset. She says they need to race him back before he dies of exposure. They do.
And they almost make it. The kid, riding on the clerics horse. Starts to fidget as the sun sets and they're riding hard past the town gates and to the temple of his god. He realizes whats gonna happen, rides his horse into the temple, and rushes for the cells the church keeps for the magically afflicted. And as he leaps down the stairs the kid turns. Chaos ensues. The werewolf starts to maul everyone. The cleric leaps into the cage, baiting the wolf to follow. It does, and they seal him in with it. But thankfully he manages to get off a spell to disable it and the encounter ends.
Fast forward a session, and after the group has cured the child of his afflicaton, as well as the party cleric and rogue who both too had been cursed and would have turned a month later. The group decides to go back to the farm, and take the villagers to task for leaving that boy in a well. (Which is funny, all things considering.) They find the farm totally empty, with no explination. It seems like the place was deserted (when really human hating elves murdered them all and buried them in the woods.) Of course, the group decides to spend the night to see if anything happens, and the orignal werewolf and his new pack are attracted the the abandoned village by the smoke of the cooking fires the PCs lit. A battle ensues, and the manage to take the monsters down.
That was the first, third, and fourth nights of the game.
Imagine how things went from there.
It was fun though.
Other than the time the rogue was almost killed while planning future landscaping by an assassin vine that lived in the back yard of the watch tower they moved into....
And when the ranger retired at sixth level due to job related stress and became a message carrier.
Imagicka
Explorer
Greetings...
Stupidest move by a player eh? Well, if you want to have the full story, first let me paint the picture here...
[SBLOCK=Ignore it if you don't want to read the long and boring lead up.]
The game was AD&D2, heavily modified by a sadistic GM who also happened to be an engineer, who has the ability to jury-rig himself something on the level of MacGyver. We would regularly have anywhere from 4 to 8 players. The previous sessions, where we had finished a previous campaign battling a draco-lich and his evil priest minions. There were 8 or 9 players with their level 7-9 characters, and an army of NPCs. This GM liked to place large challenges in front of us, that would never be successful by direct frontal assault. Also, if all the players weren't there, neither were their characters (of course) and the GM wouldn't scale down the adventure because we didn't have all our fire-power.
Well, now was the time for a new campaign, we had been building up to have a character-driven campaign, and this time it was my character's turn. My ranger had been given the mission to cleanse the lost temple to my goddess (of nature). Turns out the temple was now the home of a band of possessed demonic orcs, a couple of other monsters, and a cabal of daemons which if I can remember correctly were a group Type IV's and a couple of Type VI's.
The daemons had corrupted the forgotten and overgrown temple. The overgrown gardens were sick and corrupt with all manner of monstrous creatures and abominations. The animals for miles and miles around were crazy with possession, rabies, or both. Attacking anything and everything, even themselves. Then there was the temple complex itself. An evil, demonic substance that had all the properties of crude oil (except for touching it could do anything from poison you, burn you, or even allow the daemon to possess you -- if the daemon was also touching the oil channels somewhere else in the complex, using it like a conduit).
Now, flowing from the springs was this semi-aware demonic goo that was flowing all along the channels that normally be occupied by water feeding all the gardens of a huge temple that existed partially underground and aboveground. Something on the scale of the hanging gardens of Babylon.
Unfortunately this evening only two players showed up. Myself and another player who just started playing a lower level fighter. We were expecting at least 4-6 players this evening, and the GM wasn't going to put things on hold just because not all the players are going to be there. Not to mention, it was 'my' campaign, and the show must go on.
In the course of the adventure we thought the best way to deal with the orcs was to hit them and wade through them, then if we have to fall back and regroup, so be it. I was looking to die in attempting to do the duty to my goddess. So, we go to work. I let the hippo-esque gyff fighter take the lead until his hit points are down to two, then my little 4'10" redheaded half-elf ranger girl steps by the wounded fighter and pulls out her two magically glowing swords grinning wildly shouting in orc, "I hope you aren't finish your charge. I am the better fighter of the two.", standing in a pile of orcs that must have waist deep.
The orcs quickly loose motivation and decide that they are going to torch the place, and in an act of desperation light fire to the gutters of crude oil. We realize we have to retreat and the only place we can go is the inner sanctum secret chamber that we had found earlier.
A part of the adventure was also to find the inner sanctum which the goddess had revealed to me hadn't been corrupted or found by the daemons. Inside were relics which were to help us (namely something to help heal us).
The smoke and fire is blocking our exit and the only place that we know isn't corrupted is the inner sanctum. We make our way back there and find one of the daemons sniffing around the wall where we know the secret entrance to be. He followed our scent back to the secret passage and was now trying to figure out how to get inside.
I, down to half my hit points, the fellow fighter down to 8. With a sheer stroke of luck, I attack the daemon rolling 20-20, and it was house-ruled that this was an automatic kill. We quickly stuff ourselves into the chamber.[/SBLOCK]So, here we are, daemons just beyond the chamber banging on the walls looking for a way to get in (the toxic fire making it rather homey for them). Stuck in this inner sanctum deep underground which is more than likely going to become our tomb. But hey! At least aren't choking to death on the fumes while we wait to be slowly baked alive. Party very hurt, all the healing used up for the day.
So, I look at the fighter and say, "So, do something! Don't you worship some god of war?" So, the fighter on a long shot prays. The GM rolls dice, and with another lucky roll from the other player, is turned into a giant.
Now, this giant with a whole 8 hit points isn't going to wander out to fight the daemons looks around this domed 50' inner sanctum and then decides that we can maybe escape, and pushes out the keystone from the dome.
Player, "Okay, so I'm giant now, and I can reach the ceiling?"
DM, "Yes. you head is nearly touching the top of this dome."
Player, "So, would I have enough strength to push out one of the blocks that make up the dome?"
DM, "Yes, but you have to be careful, pick the wrong one and you could make the entire thing collapse. You are underground, and chances are there is a few hundred tonnes of earth between you and the surface."
Player after some thought and personal deliberation says, "Okay, I push out the stone at the very top of the dome."
DM, "You push out the keystone?"
Player, "Yes!"
Me, *Moan* "Oh lord no!"
Stupidest move by a player eh? Well, if you want to have the full story, first let me paint the picture here...
[SBLOCK=Ignore it if you don't want to read the long and boring lead up.]
The game was AD&D2, heavily modified by a sadistic GM who also happened to be an engineer, who has the ability to jury-rig himself something on the level of MacGyver. We would regularly have anywhere from 4 to 8 players. The previous sessions, where we had finished a previous campaign battling a draco-lich and his evil priest minions. There were 8 or 9 players with their level 7-9 characters, and an army of NPCs. This GM liked to place large challenges in front of us, that would never be successful by direct frontal assault. Also, if all the players weren't there, neither were their characters (of course) and the GM wouldn't scale down the adventure because we didn't have all our fire-power.
Well, now was the time for a new campaign, we had been building up to have a character-driven campaign, and this time it was my character's turn. My ranger had been given the mission to cleanse the lost temple to my goddess (of nature). Turns out the temple was now the home of a band of possessed demonic orcs, a couple of other monsters, and a cabal of daemons which if I can remember correctly were a group Type IV's and a couple of Type VI's.
The daemons had corrupted the forgotten and overgrown temple. The overgrown gardens were sick and corrupt with all manner of monstrous creatures and abominations. The animals for miles and miles around were crazy with possession, rabies, or both. Attacking anything and everything, even themselves. Then there was the temple complex itself. An evil, demonic substance that had all the properties of crude oil (except for touching it could do anything from poison you, burn you, or even allow the daemon to possess you -- if the daemon was also touching the oil channels somewhere else in the complex, using it like a conduit).
Now, flowing from the springs was this semi-aware demonic goo that was flowing all along the channels that normally be occupied by water feeding all the gardens of a huge temple that existed partially underground and aboveground. Something on the scale of the hanging gardens of Babylon.
Unfortunately this evening only two players showed up. Myself and another player who just started playing a lower level fighter. We were expecting at least 4-6 players this evening, and the GM wasn't going to put things on hold just because not all the players are going to be there. Not to mention, it was 'my' campaign, and the show must go on.
In the course of the adventure we thought the best way to deal with the orcs was to hit them and wade through them, then if we have to fall back and regroup, so be it. I was looking to die in attempting to do the duty to my goddess. So, we go to work. I let the hippo-esque gyff fighter take the lead until his hit points are down to two, then my little 4'10" redheaded half-elf ranger girl steps by the wounded fighter and pulls out her two magically glowing swords grinning wildly shouting in orc, "I hope you aren't finish your charge. I am the better fighter of the two.", standing in a pile of orcs that must have waist deep.
The orcs quickly loose motivation and decide that they are going to torch the place, and in an act of desperation light fire to the gutters of crude oil. We realize we have to retreat and the only place we can go is the inner sanctum secret chamber that we had found earlier.
A part of the adventure was also to find the inner sanctum which the goddess had revealed to me hadn't been corrupted or found by the daemons. Inside were relics which were to help us (namely something to help heal us).
The smoke and fire is blocking our exit and the only place that we know isn't corrupted is the inner sanctum. We make our way back there and find one of the daemons sniffing around the wall where we know the secret entrance to be. He followed our scent back to the secret passage and was now trying to figure out how to get inside.
I, down to half my hit points, the fellow fighter down to 8. With a sheer stroke of luck, I attack the daemon rolling 20-20, and it was house-ruled that this was an automatic kill. We quickly stuff ourselves into the chamber.[/SBLOCK]So, here we are, daemons just beyond the chamber banging on the walls looking for a way to get in (the toxic fire making it rather homey for them). Stuck in this inner sanctum deep underground which is more than likely going to become our tomb. But hey! At least aren't choking to death on the fumes while we wait to be slowly baked alive. Party very hurt, all the healing used up for the day.
So, I look at the fighter and say, "So, do something! Don't you worship some god of war?" So, the fighter on a long shot prays. The GM rolls dice, and with another lucky roll from the other player, is turned into a giant.
Now, this giant with a whole 8 hit points isn't going to wander out to fight the daemons looks around this domed 50' inner sanctum and then decides that we can maybe escape, and pushes out the keystone from the dome.
Player, "Okay, so I'm giant now, and I can reach the ceiling?"
DM, "Yes. you head is nearly touching the top of this dome."
Player, "So, would I have enough strength to push out one of the blocks that make up the dome?"
DM, "Yes, but you have to be careful, pick the wrong one and you could make the entire thing collapse. You are underground, and chances are there is a few hundred tonnes of earth between you and the surface."
Player after some thought and personal deliberation says, "Okay, I push out the stone at the very top of the dome."
DM, "You push out the keystone?"
Player, "Yes!"
Me, *Moan* "Oh lord no!"
Lalalei2001
Explorer
Uhmmm... what happened to all the new posts?
DarkSoldier
First Post
Apparently, the site went kaboom a few days ago, and now we have our boards back, but as they were at the end of '05.Lalalei2001 said:
glass
(he, him)
typos
Despite the name, there is nothing particularly special about the keystone. Take any stone out of an arch and it will fall down, but domes are a little bit more stanble than that. There are plenty of domes in ancient buildings around the world with holes in the top.
Given that the central stone was probably the largest, and it is easier to carefully push straight up rather than on an angle, it was exactly the right choice.
glass.
I've pointed this out before, but since it disapeared in the board death, I'll do so again.Imagicka said:
Despite the name, there is nothing particularly special about the keystone. Take any stone out of an arch and it will fall down, but domes are a little bit more stanble than that. There are plenty of domes in ancient buildings around the world with holes in the top.
Given that the central stone was probably the largest, and it is easier to carefully push straight up rather than on an angle, it was exactly the right choice.
glass.
Lalalei2001
Explorer
I still think Bacon's is the best so far.
Aeric
Explorer
Thinking there are magical artifacts inside, the party elects the half-orc to reach inside the mysterious floating black sphere and get them.
*poof* he disappears.
Having seen the poor half-orc fall victim to a teleport trap elsewhere in the dungeon, the party wizard (me) touches the sphere in hopes of finding and rescuing the half-orc.
*poof* she disappears.
The elven archer, not wanting to miss out on what he called the "war realm" that we were teleported to (the last teleport trap took us to a plane populated by grells), he touches the sphere.
*poof* he disappears.
The rest of the party wisely decides not to touch the Sphere of Annihilation.
*poof* he disappears.
Having seen the poor half-orc fall victim to a teleport trap elsewhere in the dungeon, the party wizard (me) touches the sphere in hopes of finding and rescuing the half-orc.
*poof* she disappears.
The elven archer, not wanting to miss out on what he called the "war realm" that we were teleported to (the last teleport trap took us to a plane populated by grells), he touches the sphere.
*poof* he disappears.
The rest of the party wisely decides not to touch the Sphere of Annihilation.
Lalalei2001
Explorer
^ I saw that on page 1!
Amazing Triangle
Explorer
My favorite was when our wizard said this in the 3.0 rules when he was hasted:
"I wanna cast invisability then move and cast fireball"
Dm: "Don't you wanna cast fireball, then invisability, then move? You know invisability will end if you do this?"
Player: "No I wanna do it the way I said it!"
Dm: "Ooook. You go invisable, you move and cast fireball. You are now visable. Nice going genius"
A close second was in a DnD Insert Coin game I played in. This was suppose to be a CR 15 encounter.
Barbed devils have this in their text:
"Once per day a barbed devil can attempt to summon 1d6 bearded devils or another barbed devil with a 35% chance of success." Dm read this and concluded it was either 1d6 bearded devils or 1d6 barbed devils, so he chose the latter. This made the encouter go from CR 15 to CR 31 due to luck and a lot of area spells we won.
"I wanna cast invisability then move and cast fireball"
Dm: "Don't you wanna cast fireball, then invisability, then move? You know invisability will end if you do this?"
Player: "No I wanna do it the way I said it!"
Dm: "Ooook. You go invisable, you move and cast fireball. You are now visable. Nice going genius"
A close second was in a DnD Insert Coin game I played in. This was suppose to be a CR 15 encounter.
Barbed devils have this in their text:
"Once per day a barbed devil can attempt to summon 1d6 bearded devils or another barbed devil with a 35% chance of success." Dm read this and concluded it was either 1d6 bearded devils or 1d6 barbed devils, so he chose the latter. This made the encouter go from CR 15 to CR 31 due to luck and a lot of area spells we won.
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