-
NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.
Tell us a joke...
- Thread starter STARP_Social_Officer
- Start date
Olaf the Stout
Hero
What's some advantages of Alzheimer's?
You're always meeting new people
You can hide your own easter eggs
You can wrap your own christmas presents
Olaf the Stout
My sympathies do go out to anyone that suffers or knows someone that suffers from Alzheimer's disease. I know that it isn't the easiest of things do deal with.
You're always meeting new people
You can hide your own easter eggs
You can wrap your own christmas presents
Olaf the Stout
My sympathies do go out to anyone that suffers or knows someone that suffers from Alzheimer's disease. I know that it isn't the easiest of things do deal with.
cybertalus
First Post
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
Simplicity
Explorer
Aeson said:..and not very original. I've heard it before.
Originality? Come on. Do you really think any one is making up the jokes being posted here? I think I GOT that joke from ENWorld a few years back.
But I liked it so much, I reposted it. At any rate, I did post TWO jokes.If you want something more original, perhaps you'd like to hear my list of possible future careers:
1) Food scientist. I want to create a margarine substitute called: "I'm Not Certain That's Margarine!"
2) Advertising Slogan Maker. #1 rule of advertising slogans is that any slogan sounds better with "dammit!" stuck onto the end. "Food, Folks, and Fun, dammit!". "Apply directly to forehead, dammit!"
3) Chinese spirtualist shop owner. "Yin-yang half off! Buy one, get fung shui!"
4) Director. I want to create an action movie based on the Bible. It'll be called "The Greatest Action Movie Ever Told". Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jesus: "Ahl be bach!". Steven Seagal as Noah, who must foil a terrorist from taking over his ark. I wanted Wesley "Always Bet On Black" Snipes to play the devil, but I've been told that that would be seen as "racist". Whatever. I wasn't the one using the line. Maybe that's not a great idea though. And he's kind of got problems of his own anyways right now.
5) Agent. Speaking of Wesley Snipes, I want to be an agent for Wesley Snipes. I think he'd do well as a spokesperson for H&R Block. "Always bet on Block!" Get it? That'd be an awesome spot.
One more stupid math joke.
You walk into a room. There's a fire in the corner and a bucket of water on the desk. What do you do? Easy. Pick up the water and put out the fire.
Later, you walk into a second room. There's a fire in the corner and a bucket of water *under* the desk. Now what do you do?
.
.
.
Simple, you move the bucket of water from under the desk to the top of the desk, thus reducing it to a previously solved problem...
You walk into a room. There's a fire in the corner and a bucket of water on the desk. What do you do? Easy. Pick up the water and put out the fire.
Later, you walk into a second room. There's a fire in the corner and a bucket of water *under* the desk. Now what do you do?
.
.
.
Simple, you move the bucket of water from under the desk to the top of the desk, thus reducing it to a previously solved problem...
Servitor of Wrath
First Post
A man walks into a bar and says, "gimme three shots." The bardtender does so and the man drinks them one ofter the other. The next day he comes back and says, "Gimme three shots." Same process. The next day, when the man comes into the bar and asks for three shots, the bartender says, "I could just pour them all into one larger glass, you know." The man says, "No, I like them this way. You see, I have two brothers, but they're both overseas right now and I miss them terribly, so with three glasses like this I can imagine we're all having a drink together." "How nice, " the bartender says.
This continues for some time, until one day the man walks into the bar and says, "gimme two shots." The bartender asks, "Did something happen to one of your brothers?"
"Oh, no. It's just that I decided to quit drinking."
This continues for some time, until one day the man walks into the bar and says, "gimme two shots." The bartender asks, "Did something happen to one of your brothers?"
"Oh, no. It's just that I decided to quit drinking."
IcyCool
First Post
Olaf the Stout
Hero
Simplicity said:
What problems exactly?
Olaf the Stout
Simplicity
Explorer
Olaf the Stout said:
He owes 16 million dollars in back taxes and has fled out of the country, last I heard.
Simplicity
Explorer
IcyCool said:
MadTV stole my oldest joke! Dammit! I've been telling that since I was a little kid...
There really is no originality in jokes.
Similar Threads
