fanboy2000
Adventurer
I hope you realize that I'm stealing that.TheAuldGrump said:
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NOW LIVE! Into the Woods--new character species, eerie monsters, and haunting villains to populate the woodlands of your D&D games.
Tell Us Your Best RPG Joke
- Thread starter STARP_President
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TheAuldGrump
First Post
So two cannibals were disussing what to make for dinner and one tells the other 'try cleric! Soft, tasty, just the right amount of meat.' So the cannibal went down to the dungeon and grabbed the first cleric he could find and dumped him into the pot along with some onions, some carrots, and a bit of celery and set him to boil for a few hours. After the time was up he tried a bite.
Tough, rubbery...
So he boiled the cleric a little while longer... still tough.
Well he left it to boil for most of the day, and by the end it was still tough and rubbery and all the flavor had been boiled out to boot. So he went to his friend and complained.
His friend said, 'what did the cleric look like?'
'Oh, I don't know, just some guy in brown robes with a shaved head.'
'No wonder you idiot! You boiled a friar!'
Ba dump bump tsssh!
The Auld Grump
Tough, rubbery...
So he boiled the cleric a little while longer... still tough.
Well he left it to boil for most of the day, and by the end it was still tough and rubbery and all the flavor had been boiled out to boot. So he went to his friend and complained.
His friend said, 'what did the cleric look like?'
'Oh, I don't know, just some guy in brown robes with a shaved head.'
'No wonder you idiot! You boiled a friar!'
Ba dump bump tsssh!
The Auld Grump
Hypersmurf
Moderatarrrrh...
TheAuldGrump said:
Heh.
The alternative version I'd heard...
After watching for a while, the newcomer decided to give one a try.
Picking a number at random... "Number 81!" he called.
All conversation ceased; a few gasps and one or two nervous titters broke the sudden silence.
Elminster glared at him. "Time and a place, son," he growled. "There are ladies present!"
-Hyp.
TheAuldGrump
First Post
Hypersmurf said:
Good thing he didn't tell number 69...
The Auld Grump... 'Number 12!... and the crowd just looked at him funny...
How'd I screw it up this time?' He asked the man nearest to him in a whisper.
'You got the punchline wrong.'
The Other Librarian
First Post
A ranger, whose favorite enemy is Hill Giants, is out one day doing his usual hunting patrol. Off in the distance he sees a giant who is engaging in strange behavior the ranger has never witnessed before. The ranger decides to sneak up and examine his quarry more closely.
The giant had obviously broken his favorite tree-trunk club, the handle of which he was matching up with various tree trunks to find a fit. When he found a likely tree, he would pull a small, trussed up kobold out of his pouch, and proceed to tie up the kobold, roughly halfway down the tree, sticking out at a right angle. He would then thoughtfully consider the tree from a couple of different perspectives, before sighing, untying the kobold, and moving on to the next likely tree.
The ranger finally can't take it anymore. He has to find out what the giant is doing. He leaves his hiding place and confronts the giant.
"I know we are mortal enemies, but before we fight to the death, I must know. Just what are you doing?"
The giant pauses his activity and shows the club handle to the ranger, replying in stilted common. "My club broken, need find new tree. But a wise sage once give me advice:
Never join a club that would have Meepo as a member."
The giant had obviously broken his favorite tree-trunk club, the handle of which he was matching up with various tree trunks to find a fit. When he found a likely tree, he would pull a small, trussed up kobold out of his pouch, and proceed to tie up the kobold, roughly halfway down the tree, sticking out at a right angle. He would then thoughtfully consider the tree from a couple of different perspectives, before sighing, untying the kobold, and moving on to the next likely tree.
The ranger finally can't take it anymore. He has to find out what the giant is doing. He leaves his hiding place and confronts the giant.
"I know we are mortal enemies, but before we fight to the death, I must know. Just what are you doing?"
The giant pauses his activity and shows the club handle to the ranger, replying in stilted common. "My club broken, need find new tree. But a wise sage once give me advice:
Never join a club that would have Meepo as a member."
Last edited:
Kae'Yoss
First Post
A band of kobolds was dancing around a hole in the bottom and chanting "SEVEN" over and over again. A gnome came along, and walked up to them to ask what it all was about. When he got within grabbing range, the kobolds ganged up on him and tossed him into the hole. After that, they resumed dancing around the hole and started to chant "EIGHT" over and over again.
Tom Cashel
First Post
Where do epic-level fighters keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
In their sleevies.
fanboy2000
Adventurer
A human cleric, dwarven fighter, and a elvan ranger walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A skeleton walks into a bar. He askes of a beer and a mop.
A skeleton walks into a bar. He askes of a beer and a mop.
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