The Untold Adventures of Fap Longwood & Friends!

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #11 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Old Owl Well turns out to be a fallen watch tower overlooking the Triboar Trail and surrounding lands. A large, colourful tent has been erected amidst the ruins and the stench of decay wafts upon the morning breeze. The smell gets less and less bearable as the heroes approach the tower.

“Pass me the orc smellies.” Fap asks.

Horatio proffers the sack of heads. They stink.

“Not those.” Fap snaps.

After dousing a scrap of cloth in perfume and tying it around his face, Fap scouts ahead. A dozen rotting corpses have been packed into the tower like sardines in a tin. Big black flies crawl over their waxy flesh. Unlike most dead bodies Fap has seen since the start of his adventuring career (and there have been a few), these lively fellows are still shuffling around aimlessly.

“Blurk!” Fap groans. He heads back to warn his friends about the zombies.

The party plan to advance within 30ft of the tower, pause for Brian to implore his deity to turn undead, then mop up any stragglers who don’t get the message. Mara produces a Scroll of Fireball and reads aloud the words of power inscribed upon the parchment. There is a deafening explosion and charred zombie bits rain down from the sky. Embers fall upon the roof of the pavilion and the colourful canvas catches fire.

A tattooed man in crimson robes bursts out of the burning tent. Mara recognises from the strange markings on his skin that this man is a Red Wizard, a powerful order of Magi from the distant land of Thay. Brian doesn’t care – this guy is clearly a necromancer and Brian hates necromancers!

“What is the meaning of this?” the Red Wizard shouts, “You burn my house, disturb my research and attack my servants? Vandals!! Delinquents!!”

The magi commands his zombie minions to stand down and extinguishes the burning tent with a Cone of Cold. His name is Hamun Kost and he is researching ancient lore amidst the ruins of Old Owl Well.

“My servants and I are not hurting anyone.” Kost argues, “I had some trouble with a mob of truculent orcs, but I will deal with them myself should they return.”

“Too late.” Horatio says, producing the sack of heads.

Kost offers to buy the contents of the sack for 100gp but Brian vetoes the deal. He really hates necromancers and all that they stand for!

Kost offers the party a magical Ring of Protection if they assist his research. He wants them to act as mediators between himself and a “hysterical” banshee haunting the abandoned village of Conyberry. He needs information in the ghost’s possession, but his last attempt to compel her compliance ended badly. Kost wants the name of the wizard who raised the tower at Old Owl Well and will surrender the ring if the party come back with that information.

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #12 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Since the heroes are only a days’ travel from Conyberry, they decide to go there and commune with the “hysterical” spirit of Agatha the hedge witch. Brian is not wild about helping a necromancer, but the rest of the party really want the magic ring that’s on the table – even if that table is littered with bones.

Meanwhile, Klaarg Wolf-Eyes (the escaped bugbear from the Cragmaw Caverns) is leading a band of four hobgoblins south to negotiate an alliance between King Grol and Warchief Brughor Axe-Biter – unaware that Brughor’s severed head is bouncing around in a sack.

Klaarg is scouting ahead when he spots the heroes making camp. He immediately recognises the scarred dwarf who humiliated him in battle. Anger bubbles like black bile in the back of Klaarg’s throat, as the vengeful bugbear plots his revenge….

In the heroes’ camp, Fap and Mara are taking the first six hour watch. Mara casts Darkvision on herself so that she can actually see. Fap detects movement in the long grass about 60ft away and spots the giveaway glint of bared steel.

“Attack!” Fap cries, raising his bow, “We’re under attack!”

Abandoning stealth, Klaarg charges forward, while the hobgoblins hang back and ready their longbows. Fap takes a shot at the approaching bugbear - but Klaarg keeps on coming, the arrow barely slows him down. Horatio runs to intercept and inflicts a pair of grievous injuries with his new +1 sword. Klaarg has a moment to reflect on the old monster saying that 'a goblinoid who seeks vengeance on a dwarf should maybe just dig their own grave and save everyone some time’, before he succumbs to his wounds and dies unceremoniously.

Mara lights up the night with a barrage of Magic Missiles, targeting the hobgoblin snipers. The archers focus fire on the wizard and she is hit twice for serious damage. Mara drops prone, where the long grass will obscure the hobgoblin’s aim. Unable to target the spellcaster, the hobgoblins switch targets. Brian retaliates with Guiding Bolt, exploding an archer. The remaining three hobgoblins withdraw into the night, covering their retreat with a volley of arrows.

Fap searches Klaarg’s body and finds the missive from King Grol to Warchief Axe-Biter. Horatio hacks off the bugbear’s head and adds it to the sack.

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #13 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

At dawn, the party continue north toward Conyberry. Fap spots fresh, humanoid tracks and follows them to find the three surviving hobgoblins from the aborted raid on their camp the previous night. Two wounded hobgoblins are resting, while the third keeps watch.

Two arrows hit the lone sentry in quick succession and he falls silently. The two sleepers barely stir as their comrade expires beside them. They are rudely awoken when Horatio tosses Klaarg’s head amongst their bedrolls. Bereft of their weapons and armour, the injured hobgoblins surrender. Playing a hunch, Brian suggests that the prisoners can be traded back to King Grol in exchange for the dwarf captive held at Cragmaw Castle. The hobgoblins mark the castle’s location on the party’s map.

“Still room in the sack for a few more heads,” Horatio cautions the two prisoners, “Best that you lads behave yourself, if you catch my meaning.”

The heroes reach Conyberry at midday. The silent village is certainly spooky enough, but there is no sight nor sound of Kost’s banshee. Fap does find an overgrown track leading into Neverwinter Wood. The track leads up to the door of a lonely cottage amidst the trees, abandoned by man and mostly reclaimed by nature. The air grows bitterly cold as the party cross the threshold and the spectre of an elven maid materialises before them, her otherwise beautiful features contorted with hatred.

“Foolish mortals,” she shrieks, “What do you want here? Do you not know that it is death to seek me out?”

The party look to Brian, who crossed his arms and stays stubbornly silent. Horatio glowers at the cleric, then clears his throat. He butters the banshee up as best he can before broaching Kost’s query.

“The name you seek is Arthindol,” Agatha answers, “Now begone from my home!”

The party don’t need to be told twice. They return to Old Owl Well and relay their findings to the Red Wizard. True to his word, Kost relinquishes his Ring of Protection (+1 AC and all saving rolls).

“You will be glad to hear I have been summoned back to Thay,” Kost says, as the heroes bicker over who will wear the ring, “My servants and I will be gone from this land within the week. If you are ever in Thay, feel free not to look me up.”

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #14 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

The party return to Phandalin. The journey is uneventful.

Horatio presents the sack of decomposing heads to Townmaster Westen, who is promptly sick. Once he feels better, the townmaster counts out another 100 gold.

Brian explains the events at Old Owl Well to Daran Edermath and reassures the old man that the necromancer has abandoned the ruin. Daran is impressed and offers to make Brian a Chevall of the Order of the Gauntlet. Brian accepts and Daran drafts his letter of recommendation to the Paladins of Tyr.

The party go shopping! Fap upgrades to studded leather and buys a second shortsword. Horatio buys a suit of splintmail. Mara tops up her store of spell components and Brian considers buying a breastplate before concluding it offers no mechanical advantage over scalemail.

The heroes’ next move is to scout Cragmaw Castle and open negotiations with King Grol, hoping they can trade their two hobgoblin prisoners for Gundren Rockseeker.

(We calculated XP during downtime and the party are over halfway to level 4.)

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #15 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Cragmaw Castle is a large, ruined fortress deep within Neverwinter Wood. The crumbling keep is surrounded by seven towers in varying states of disrepair.

Mara pens the proposed exchange of hostages, stating that the party will wait outside Cragmaw Cavern until dusk the following day. Fap ties the scroll around the shaft of an arrow and fires it into the front gate. A terrified looking goblin is ushered out of the castle to collect the message.

The heroes retreat to the rendezvous point to prepare for the goblinoid delegation. They barricade the cave mouth and pull back behind the barrier. Mara works out that the tunnel can be flooded by destroying the stone dam in the waterfall chamber.

One hour before sunset, three hobgoblins and a hooded prisoner approach the barricade. The hood is removed, revealing the haggard face of Gundren Rockseeker. Surprisingly, the exchange goes as planned and the hobgoblins leave with their injured comrades.

“Are you alright?” Brian asks after checking Gundren’s wounds, most of which are the superficial scars left by ineffectual goblin torture.

“I’ve been better,” Gundren grunts, “What happened to Sildar?”

“He’s waiting for you in Phandalin,” Fap says.

“How much did Sildar tell you?” Gundren asks, “Did he tell you about the map?”

“Not much. We found out about the map from Glasstaff.”

“Have you seen it?” Gundren asks, “Have you seen the map?”

“No,” Horatio says, “We thought you had it.”

“It was taken from me,” Gundren replies, “But don’t worry, I committed it to memory!”

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #16 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

The heroes return to Phandalin and gather in the Stonehill Inn to celebrate the successful rescue of their patron. Fap dances with Mirna Drendar and her children while the two dwarves engage in a friendly drinking contest. Even Mara lets her hair down a little, indulging in a glass of weak shandy as she annotates her spellbook. Despite the jubilant atmosphere, Gundren seems troubled and pulls Sildar aside for a private conversation in their room.

Fap is curious about what they might have to whisper about and creeps up after them to eavesdrop. He presses his ear to the door, but hears nothing. He peeks through the keyhole but sees nothing. Fap notices that his knees are damp and looks down. He is kneeling in a puddle of blood, spreading from beneath the door!

Fap raises the alarm. Brian and Horatio put their shoulders together to break down the door to Sildar’s room. Sildar lies dead on the floor, his throat slashed open from ear to ear. A scrap of parchment depicting a large black spider has been pinned to the bed with a dagger. There is no sign of Gundren Rockseeker.

The window is open and Fap vaults through, landing in the street. He finds footprints leading away from the crime scene, but after turning a corner, the tracks change into something else midstride. Fap can’t understand this phenomenon, but after showing the tracks to Mara, she simply states;

“Shapechanger.”

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #17 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Infuriated by how easily they were tricked into welcoming a shapechanging assassin into their midst – and the tragic consequences of that oversight – the party return to Cragmaw Castle and this time they are out for blood. They arrive at dawn and Fap picks the lock on the postern gate.

Horatio kicks down the door to what turns out to have once been a banquet hall. Eight goblins – including Droop - scamper around a long table laden with filthy dishes and half-eaten food. The goblins stage a half-hearted resistance before turning tail. Two goblins flee through the northern doors, forgetting the tripwire strung across the floor. There is a loud crash as they are both crushed beneath a pile of heavy rubble, completely blocking that exit.

The party pursue the fleeing goblins through the ruined castle. After clearing several rooms and passage ways, they enter a neglected chapel to Lathander, abandoned and rededicated to Maglubiyet (a goblin deity). Brian is enraged by this desecration!

Three goblins pop up from behind the blood-stained altar, catching the party by surprise. Two goblin acolytes attack with ceremonial daggers, while the cleric of Maglubiyet hangs back, imploring its wretched god to smite the infidels. Mara’s Firebolt hits him in the chest and he flies back, trailing smoke. Spitting curses, the goblin cleric retaliates with Sacred Flame. Brian stomps passed the befouled altar and breaks the cleric’s head open like an egg. Fap and Horatio take out the two acolytes.

Brian finds a few holy relics discarded amidst the rubble of the fallen chapel and takes custody of the items until they can be rehomed or the altar re-consecrated.
The party push through a thick curtain to the south and enter a long, dark hallway. Fap senses movement up ahead and shouts a warning, moments before a horrible octopus-snake-monster-thing erupts from the shadows, slithering toward the party, maw agape. The creature tries (and fails) to grapple Fap, then Horatio chops it in half.

The party continue forward and find two hobgoblin veterans guarding the door to King Grol’s audience chamber. The party kill the guards and kick open the door. The room beyond is carpeted with thick animal furs and the walls are hung with gristly trophies of the King’s former conquests. King Grol, an old – but still physically intimidating – bugbear patriarch sits atop his makeshift throne, flanked by a pair of vicious looking wolves. An unconscious dwarf lies in the corner of the room, secured to the floor by a length of rusty chain.

King Grol barks a command and his savage pets lunge to attack! The wolves attack Fap and Horatio, inflicting damage but failing to knock either hero prone. King Grol pulls a javelin off the wall and hurls it at the half-elf ranger/rogue. Fap spins aside (Matrix-style) and avoids the missile by a hairs-breadth. Brian invokes the might of Ilmater and smites the King with Guiding Bolt. King Grol literally pulls the rug from under Fap’s feet, knocking the half-elf prone. Seizing his advantage, the King moves forward and clobbers the dazed ranger for massive damage, reducing Fap to a single point of health. Mara casts Burning Hands, driving the King and his pets back before they can finish the job. One wolf is killed and cremated in the same instant. Horatio puts the second beast down. Fap crawls away and Brian moves in to stop the King going after his wounded companion. King Grol wallops the dwarven cleric! Mara casts Magic Missile. Four bolts of arcane force hammer into King Grol’s chest, driving the life from his body. Horatio hacks off the King’s head and hangs it on the wall above the throne.

“Very nice. Very tasteful.” Fap remarks, “If this dungeoneering lark doesn’t pan out, you can always pursue a career in home décor.”

Fap draws a bead on the unconscious dwarf and Horatio nudges the figure (none too gently) with the toe of his boot.

“No… No more! I told you everything I know!” the figure moans.

Brian casts Zone of Truth, centred on what does appear to Gundren Rockseeker – but the party have made that mistake before and they aren’t planning to repeat it.

The interrogation begins!

“Who are you?”

“Gundren Rockseeker.”

“Are you sure you’re not a shapechanger pretending to be Gundren Rockseeker?”

“What?! No!! I mean, no I’m not a bloody shapechanger!”

“Do you know what happened to Sildar Hallwinter?”

“We were ambushed by goblins on the road to Phandalin. He was knocked unconscious.”

“What did the Black Spider want with you?”

“My brothers and I found the lost Spell Forge of Phandelver in a place called Wave Echo Cave. The Black Spider seeks to control the power of the forge and twist it to his own ends. He stole my map so he could find the forge, but he’s not been able to activate it. His goblin allies have been torturing me for information about how it works.”

“Do you know how to activate the Spell Forge?”

“No. Not yet. My brothers, Tharden and Nundro stayed behind to study the forge while I returned to Neverwinter for supplies. Nundro is a smart lad, I’m sure he’ll have worked it out by now. Oh! I hope they’re OK!”

“So what does this Spell Forge actually do?”

“In a bygone age, masters of artifice and the arcane would gather in Phandelver and craft magical weapons and armour, using the Spell Forge to seal the magic into the steel.”

The party are convinced that this is the real Gundren Rockseeker and break his chains. They break the news of Sildar’s murder, at the hands of a shapeshifting assassin wearing his face. Gundren is furious and insists on joining the party on the quest to Wave Echo Cave, to rescue his brothers and avenge his friend.

The party advance to level 4!

 

[mikeawmids]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #18 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

Wave Echo Cave is in the foothills of the Sword Mountains, less than a day’s travel east of Phandalin. As the heroes are leaving town, they are intercepted by Daran Edermath. Seeing the heroes in action has rekindled his adventuring spirit and the old man has come out of retirement for one last quest. The heroes are only to happy to have him along, watching their back. Fap notices Daran has switched his heavy crossbow for a nondescript shortsword, but thinks nothing of it.

The dungeon entrance leads into a large cavern supported by a pillar of natural rock. A thunderous boom sounds deeper within the complex, shaking the ground.

“What was that?” Fap asks, after the earth settles.

“They don’t call this place Wave Echo Cave for nothing,” Gundren answers.

The party find the remnants of an abandoned campsite in the shadow of the stone pillar. A dead dwarf lies among the abandoned supplies, staring up at the cavern roof.

“Tharden!” Gundren wails, cradling the body. “My brother… Noooooo!!”

Tharden’s Boots of Springing and Striding are still on his feet. Horatio literally squeezes into a pair of dead man’s (magical) shoes.

To distract Gundren from his grief, the heroes ask him to lead them to the Spell Forge. The party enter a tunnel decorated with scenes of dwarven and gnomish miners hard at work. Skeletons in rusted armour litter the ground. There are several long dead dwarves, but most are orcs, distinguishable by their thick, brutish skulls.

The party hear flapping as a swarm of stirges detach from the ceiling and attack! Mara casts Burning Hands and four smouldering bodies drop out of the air. One of the bloodsucking bugs latches onto Mara’s neck and starting to drink. Horatio pulls it off and crushes it in his palm. The stirge explodes like an over-ripe tomato.

Fap sees a door up ahead and peeks inside. Three ghouls squat in the middle of a miner’s barracks, crunching on a pile of brittle bones. The treacherous hinges squeal loudly, alerting the undead. The ghouls leap up, eager to dine on fresh meat! The narrow tunnel filters the ghouls toward the party in single file. Horatio moves to the forefront to meet them. Rancid claws rake along the surface of his shield. Fap shoots over the fighter’s head. One ghoul gets through Horatio’s defence and scratches at his face. Horatio feels the numbing taint of the ghoul’s poison, but resists the effect.

Once the ghouls have been defeated, the party search the barracks. They find nothing of interest and move on. Gundren leads them into a large cavern separated by wide stone steps. Hundreds of skeletons litter the ground, suggesting this was where the fighting for Phandelver was fiercest. Another seven ghouls pick through the bones. Brian presents his holy symbol, turning two of the creatures. The other five attack! Horatio is clawed again and this time he fails his CON save and is paralysed! The ghouls begin eating him alive! The battle is tough, but the heroes overcome the undead.

The next area the party enter is dominated by an enormous blast furnace, a dark mountain of silent metal. Nearby carts are laden with coal and unrefined ore mined from the depths of the mountain. Bodies litter the floor around the engine. Floating above the furnace is a flying skull, wreathed in eldritch fire. Eight of the bodies rise up and shuffle toward the heroes. The Flame Skull cackles and casts Fire Ball, carelessly incinerating two of its own allies and grievously injuring both dwarves. Fap places his Hunter Mark on the skull and then crits on his attack roll! He inflicts 23 damage - reduced by half due to the skull’s resistance to piercing weapons. Brian hits the skull with Guiding Bolt and Mara follows up with Magic Missile, blowing the skull apart! The party demolish the remaining zombies.

“The forge is just through here!” Gundren cries, running ahead.

An eerie green flame flickers atop a small brazier in the centre of the room. Above the forge hovers a strange guardian with four eyestalks protruding from its spherical body.

“Hello!” the monster says cheerfully.

 

[Goonalan]

The Adventures of Fap Longwood #16 (Lost Mine of Phandelver)

The heroes return to Phandalin and gather in the Stonehill Inn to celebrate the successful rescue of their patron. Fap dances with Mirna Drendar and her children while the two dwarves engage in a friendly drinking contest. Even Mara lets her hair down a little, indulging in a glass of weak shandy as she annotates her spellbook. Despite the jubilant atmosphere, Gundren seems troubled and pulls Sildar aside for a private conversation in their room.

Fap is curious about what they might have to whisper about and creeps up after them to eavesdrop. He presses his ear to the door, but hears nothing. He peeks through the keyhole but sees nothing. Fap notices that his knees are damp and looks down. He is kneeling in a puddle of blood, spreading from beneath the door!

Fap raises the alarm. Brian and Horatio put their shoulders together to break down the door to Sildar’s room. Sildar lies dead on the floor, his throat slashed open from ear to ear. A scrap of parchment depicting a large black spider has been pinned to the bed with a dagger. There is no sign of Gundren Rockseeker.

The window is open and Fap vaults through, landing in the street. He finds footprints leading away from the crime scene, but after turning a corner, the tracks change into something else midstride. Fap can’t understand this phenomenon, but after showing the tracks to Mara, she simply states;

“Shapechanger.”

Oh. That's really good- kudos for pulling this stunt.

Cheers goonalan

 

[Goonalan]

Great story hour, and I'm really liking the style, can I ask questions?

Like how many sessions is this?
Are you VTT or tabletop (pre-meltdown)?
Is the game ongoing?
Have you finished Lost Mines?

I have other questions, sorry- I'll back off if you're disinclined.

Great work regardless, kudos. Keep it up.

Cheers goonalan