Things a GM should not be allowed to do.

slaunt

First Post
Got this off another forum list, wich was refered to me from a different forum. So i thought i share with the people here.

1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
2. A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument.
3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM
can.
11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal
masquerades.
12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the
sorcerer.
13. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how cliché they
are.
14. Ogres are not kosher.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
16. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
19. Drow are not good eating.
20. Polka is not appropriate marching music.
21. No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star Trench Run out of genre.
22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will
be taken away.
24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue
Whales.
25. The green elf does not need food badly.
26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the
paladin.
27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a
zombie in Twilight 2000.
28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on
back.
30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are
terminally stupid.
31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'
34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe
Pesci.
35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to sit on the same side of
the table.
37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit
mansion from the outside.
39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'
40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10
minutes.
41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'
42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
43. No longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.
44. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.
45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets
his shot.
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave
instead of exploring it first.
51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
52. My bard does not know how to play Inna Godda Davida on maracas.
53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
54. Cannot pimp out other party members.
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at
full sprint.
57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
58. Expended ammunition is not a business expense.
59. Not allowed to pose the Netrunner in embarrassing positions when he's on
a run.
60. Not allowed to short sheet the bedroll of impotent deities.
61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8
saves him.
62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
66. Not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except ones
the party speaks.
67. There is no Kung Fu maneuver "McGuire Swings For Bleachers"
68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200
damage automatic with no save.
70. Not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink even if the target number
is 5.
71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor
72. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he's
an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out.
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps"
76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
77. I did not get my super powers from James T. Kirk.
78. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.
79. I am not liquid metal.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time
to find a pistol.
81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in
poor taste.
83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
84. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull
crossbow.
85. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial
strength flamethrower.
86. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after
the -10 penalty for a successful called shot.
87. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana.
88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing
anything under her tabard.
89. The elf's name is not Legolam.
90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay
91. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire
boar for a mount again.
94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither Gene Simmons or Bluto
Blutarski.
95. I must not put the Thunder God on the spot again.
96. No making up polearms.
97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was
true'
98. There is no such thing as Speed Polka.
99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their
lightsaber.
100. When any character from a d20 sourcebook is allowed, that doesn't
include System Lords.
101. I am not allowed to pave ANYTHING.
102. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the
taxpayer's dime.
103. There is no such thing as a Club +3 of Cup Checks
104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword, +5 against party members.
105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.
106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my
car.
110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal
tape deck.
111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the
plane.
113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
115. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device.
116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain
showdown.
117. I am restricted to memorizing Floating Disc only once per day.
118. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a
sledgehammer.
119. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates.
120. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again.
121. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave Cleaning Services Inc.
122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
123. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the powergamer has point.
124. I cannot insert the words "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil" into any list of
instructions.
125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
127. Not allowed to download AOL 6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe.
128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
130. I am not authorized to form the head.
131. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces.
132. There is no such feat called "Death Blossom"
133. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one
round.
134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red
Shirt"
135. I cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.
136. I cannot start the 7th Sea campaign with 3 confirmed Drachen kills.
137. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.
138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from
doing it.
139. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot
'just play by ear'
140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
141. My maid does not know kung fu.
142. Not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugar rush just to jack up the CR
later.
143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them
is right.
144. There is no such thing as pleather armor.
145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of
Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when
signing documents.
146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
147. Hobbits are not allowed to have Norse ancestry.
148. There is no Gnomish Deathgrip, and even if there was, it wouldn't
involve tongs.
149. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious
victory.
150. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.
151. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.
152. When the guy is at -9 HP is not the best time for my cleric to convert
him.
153. I will not propose to every noblewoman at the royal ball until I crit
my charisma check.
154. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.
155. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.
156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our
first option.
157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
161. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf
chick played by that creepy guy.
162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
163. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy
breeds.
164. I am not to tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career
choice.
165. I am forbidden from replacing anything with folger's crystals to see if
they notice.
166. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen
Elvis LP collection.
167. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason.
168. I was also not recruited by 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon.
169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
170. I cannot name my character Xagyg or any anagram thereof.
171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur,
Hastur"
172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
173. I am not allowed to recreate Veers' March of the AT-ATs on Zhentil
Keep.
174. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a
humanity check.
175. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the
News.
176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or
Isle of Langerhans.
177. Stinking cloud is a privilege, not a right.
178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
179. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.
180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in Crinos.
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes
into the adventure.
183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
184. A starting character has no need for 100gp worth of hemp rope.
185. My bard does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl.
186. No cutting line to be a god.
187. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GM
pee.
188. I cannot play a elf with a Scottish accent, nor a Cajun dwarf.
189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at
creation.
190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double
for Star Wars characters.
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not
allowed to have it.
193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does
not leave me pistols.
195. I cannot use a silent feat enabled power word stun and blame it on the
dog.
196. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another
country.
197. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin menace to his
country just to stay sharp.
198. Not allowed to steal my own soul.
199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish'
200. I cannot name my character cliché canon characters from other systems.
201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
202. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words:
Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.
203. My superhero's strength is not classified as snazzy, neato or
bodacious.
204. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller,
Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
208. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec de corbins.
209. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.
210. My Antipaladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuk.
211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy
Savage, he dies.
212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to
start in a brothel.
213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
216. There is an upper limit to the number of Bozo boostergangers I can get
in a Volkswagon.
217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine
blocks, I can't have it.
218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions
as just "The Other Guys".
220. I am not the master of the low blow or the gang up.
221. If I get that Yugo up to 120mph again, that's gonna get some paradox.
222. Druids are not against my religion.
223. I cannot convince the Solo he has a cortex bomb when he really doesn't.
224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear
about a half gnome do you?
225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
226. Troll bubblegum...bad idea.
227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus
avoiding WW2.
229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
230. There is no such thing as monofilament tooth floss.
231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
232. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Dr. Who in Crinos.
233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in
medicine.
234. My character does not get d34 HP a level.
235. My Samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate.
236. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially
in his neighbor's garage.
237. Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look
up the definition.
238. My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or
glass armonica.
239. Ditto for the Rockerboy.
240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is
vetoed.
241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.
243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to
hurry the hell up.
244. Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in 8 different languages
because they forgot to take any.
245. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip
joint.
246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to
nomads every chance I get.
247. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am to assume he intends for me
to keep it a forest.
248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
249. If a black op requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot bill the
target for overtime.
250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.
251. I am not the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z.
252. I can not order the Druid to transform and roll out.
253. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, not
allowed to let them starve to death.
254. I cannot blow 5 paradox in: A police line up, the candy aisle of
Krogers, the Miss America Pageant.
255. I cannot create a superhero that can palm the moon.
256. The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism,
Keggers
257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
258. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor +5
259. My Highlander's name cannot be McHammer.
260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
261. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy
girl" in my language.
262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
263. Not allowed to attempt to kill the Hutt by pouring salt on him.
264. I cannot use the time machine to go to Ancient Greece where all the
women were leather clad, oiled down with big busoms.
265. It assumed my mechwarrior knows at least what one of the buttons in his
cockpit does.
266. At the end of a black-ops, I cannot crank call C-SWAT on the target's
phone.
267. I cannot yell "FREEBIRD" every time the bard makes a perform roll.
268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in 3rd person.
269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on
the qualities of rope.
271. Tracheotomies are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
272. No skill allows specializing in defenestrating.
273. No matter how smart I make my animal companion, he still can't take the
tax accountant skill.
274. I cannot commune with the Gods during peak hours.
275. I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy.
276. I must remember at dinner time Log is not an elven delicacy.
277. My half-ogre cannot surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of
dodgeball.
278. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute
is forbidden.
279. I cannot base any elf off of any British Prime Minister.
280. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.
281. I cannot get emotionally attached to any generic nondescript unnamed
NPC.
282. Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still doesn't restore any of
my HP.
283. I have been assured with total certainty Ralph is not a Japanese name.
284. When the CO asks for volunteers, I can't help others make a decision.
285. I am not from Margaritaville, and even if I was, that doesn't excuse
the Hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection.
286. No character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any
misdemeanor.
287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is
not what they were looking for.
288. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game.
289. My character does not have the flaw Addiction: Helium.
290. I cannot figure that the dungeon we're in is the Pac-Man maze and point
it out to the rest of the party.
291. I cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final
monster in the dungeon.
292. I cannot take all the monsters I've killed to the taxidermist after the
adventure.
293. Clowns shoes have no place in a dungeon crawl.
294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
295. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity.
296. I cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.
297. I cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys on New Years and
tell them they are roman candles.
298. Sprechen Sie Bang-Bang? is not real German.
299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
300. I cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames Luke, Han, Chewie or
Yoda.
301. May not play a swarm of piranha in any genre.
302. Blind taste-testing is not an accepted method of shopping for weapons.
303. No longer allowed to take the new tank for a joyride through the
minefield.
304. "Killing a man just to watch him die" is not acceptable behavior in
Shangri-La.
305. Not allowed to tell the King to shake my hand after I spit on it, to
close a deal.
306. Noogies and royalty do not match.
307. Swinging from chandeliers into the bar brawl is perfectly fine for a
swashbuckler, but not for my unarmored halfling accountant.
308. Especially when he's swinging the payroll sack as a weapon.
309. Gelatinous cubes do not make "Chef's Dessert Surprise".
310. I am not allowed to get into a human eating contest with a Shoggoth and
go though with it.
311. Not allowed to use tac nukes to clear rooms.
312. Definitely not allowed to taunt the Cybertank with the line "Big deal,
you're only CR 2!"
313. Must not call Gandalf the White... Gandy, Gandork, or "that thief with
use magic item skill."
314. Must not taunt Elron with any "Mister Anderson" or "Mister Bilbo" jokes
and impressions.
315. Must not use Palantirs and crystal balls as catapult ammo.
316. Paladins cannot using dead, plague ridden animals as a means of
conversion.
317. Not allowed to call artillery fire on own grid square to test the
trenches.
318. Nitroglycering juggling is not a way to kill time on watch.
319. Ten overall levels in not kosher.
320. Neither is twenty.
321. Not allowed to wager using the souls of the PC's without their
permission.
322. Kittens are not valid ammunition in any classic superhero campaign.
323. Cannot open airlocks in Jump space just to see the pretty colors.
324. Cannot use any Brittany Spears sound track as jump coordinates anymore.
325. There are no DnD alignments called Progressive, Dish, Ding, Bob,
Belgium, or Romulan.
326. Cannot use the Hand of Vecna for any gags. That goes double for the
eye.
327. When undercover, cannot hand toilet paper to Nazi's when they ask for
papers.
328. And add "wipe well."
329. Cannot reprogram any construction robots with the sexbot SnM OS.
330. The party have banned me from demanding to the group be paid in fish,
or shrimp or any perishables.
331. Not allowed to tell the Elf "Live long and prosper."
332. Cannot use the tank to press grapes.
333. Not allowed to use Anti-matter missiles on planets because someone
"looked funny at me."
334. Cannot use poison gas to kill criminals who are holding hostages. Nor
in cities. And definitely never a tanker full anywhere.
335. Not allowed to make any character listed in the League of Rejected or
Embarrassing Superheroes in a serious campaign.
336. Cannot use a corpse and ventriloquism in a CoC game.
337. The one thousand rubber chicken trap is funny only once.
338. Cannot do any jokes that lower San of fellow PC's.
339. Cannot summon Deep One to got to store and pick us up a six pack.
Anymore that is.
340. Cannot shoot the party's negotiator because she forgot to add the
inflatable troll love doll in the payment.
341. Saying "Can you hear me now?" during the radio check is a shooting
offence.
342. Asprin cannot cure mummy rot.
343. Kender. Blam. Next character.
344. Sailor Vinnie is banned.
345. Must never drop skyscrapers to kill a small normal roach.
346. I cannot buy Two million tons of Viagra.
347. I cannot buy Two million gallons of Crazy Glue.
348. Must not teach Ballet to space aliens anymore.
349. I must not keep the petrified gnome on my front lawn. Nor can I turn a
real gnome to stone and place them in the front yard.
350. Cannot tell Leia that Aldeberan looks better as an asteroid field, that
it had it coming to them, or cheer up real estate prices are down.


351. Cannot tell Vader to "Get a life" or give him an inhaler until we get
to the elite status.
352. When cooking for the group, I'm not allowed to garnish the stew with
magic mushrooms just before serving.
353. Nor can I yell fight! After they start feeling the effects.
354. Cannot install screen savers on the HUD.
355. Cannot install any games on the Battle Computer. Cannot delete any
programs on the Battle Computer.
356. I cannot use RPV's to locate the highest concentration of easy women.
357. Cannot call mercenary unit Team Viagra.
358. Must not hire Vargr for sensitive positions. Um. Anymore.
359. Strategic nuclear weapons cannot be used for slapstick. Oh wait.
Cannot use any unauthorized nukes as well.
360. Group money cannot be used to start fires.
361. Cannot hard wire any tri-vid games into any computer.
362. Cannot paint "Ronson" or "Tiger Fodder" on any Sherman tank, even
though it is true.
363. Cannot paint "Large Slow Target" on any Landing Ship Tank (LST).
364. Cannot make NPC's wear red shirts with concentric circles except in
IOU.
365. Or any PC.
366. Cannot combine the T-rex genes with anything except in IOU.
367. Emperor Strephen's Grand Spring Ball and Hanse Davion's Founder's Day
Ball, are not clothing optional.
368. Me sa Gungan! Blam! Next character.
369. Cannot steal Imperial Marine grav-tanks for joyrides.
370. Cannot call in Arclight strikes without a map and blind drunk.
371. Cannot call in Arclight strikes to frag the REMFs.
372. Anti tank weapons cannot be used in melee without the meleeist's
permission.
373. Cannot use dead face huggers for pranks.
374. That goes double for live face huggers.
375. Absolutely cannot take the cybertank out for paintball. That goes
double for telling it that it gets extra points for each of the opponent
squashed.
376. Cannot cross marijuana genes with kudzu or any weed.
377. Must never attempt to give any Mnoren a noogie.
378. Yoda is not to be addressed as a "decrepit Muppet."
379. Must wait until 17th level before picking fights with epic CR monsters
or NPCs.
380. Don't feed the Chtorr... willingly. Cannot keep a Chtorr as a pet as
well.
381. Must not use vampire blood in any experiments when the Slayer is
around.
382. Must not call in fake deaths to the Gold Cross.
383. Cannot give Leia slave girl costumes for her birthday.
384. Me sa just talk like Gungan! Blam! Next character.
385. Cannot conveniently forget the blast radius of a fireball.
386. Cannot make a Squonk.
387. I cannot play mind games on unbeatable dragons.
388. Wants TPK cannot be taken as a disadvantage.
389. Must not leave cowbells in the temple dedicated to minotaurs.
390. Must remember not to taunt the evil god before we burn his temple.
391. Never ask clarification from the general, "bring him back... how much
alive?" and definitely don't go into detail.
392. After outlining his plan, when the Supreme Allied Commander asks any
questions, "boxers or briefs" is not an appropriate question, nor is "what
the hell were you thinking?" or "Man, did a moron think of this plan?" and
saying "that's the stupidest plan I have ever heard!" is right out.
393. Antimatter weapons should not be used when you need a light for
reading.
394. Cannot hook up the unlimited power sourced to the unlimited weapon
without reading the manual.
395. When wiring bombs cannot use only wires of one color. Nukes comes
under this rule as well.
396. Cannot use Shoggoth goo in any experiments. Really. Or market it as a
lubrication for love.
397. Cannot make deals with Shoggoths for goo. Dunno why.
398. When a CoC spell calls for human sacrifice, I cannot cast it.
399. Cannot challenge other PCs by saying "Whoever gets to San 0 first
wins!"
400. Cannot use barding as a weapon, sex aid, or as armor worn by a human.
404. No longer allowed to make a Physical Adept that speciallizes in wielding dual Monofilament Whips.
405. Not allowed to make my own vehicles when the GM doesn't know the VCS.
406. Not allowed to artificially inflate vehicle design costs and claim the extra money as character income when the GM asks me to make vehicles for him.
407. The Jedi Guardian must not ask "Do you want to surrender or a third nostril?"
408. Not allowed to give any Droid split personality.
409. And those personalities must never be Gir/HK-47.
410:Before adding the honorific "[Insert monster here] slayer" to any characters name character MUST ACTUALLY HAVE KILLED at least one [insert monster here]

411:Ranger cannot have a giant space hamster for a mount or animal companion

412: If any other character has a giant space hamster animal companion and it wanders into the local magic shop the rest of the party has never seen said character before in their lives

413:Even if the party consists exclusively of Kender and Kender are the only intelligent life on the world where the campaign takes place I am STILL not allowed to play a Kender

414:No convincing ANYONE that the oil of burning is actually topical ointment for that unfortunate rash

415:No pranks involving amuptated troll parts, locked chests and the local treasury

416:No pranks involving potions of dragons breath

417:Firing a grenade launcher into melee combat is B A D

418:So is asking "ooooo what does THIS button do?" in the local magic shop

419:Ditto the TL10 armory

420: And the missle silo

421:No creating superheroes based off characters created by Garth Ennis E V A R

422:No offering the NPC monks a lifetime supply of Turtle Wax and a case of shamis in exchange for their help

423:Any prank which results in the National Gaurd getting called in to restore order is right out

424:If FEMA fast-responders are involved in the aftermath it is not a prank, it is a felony.Probably several.

425:Requesting "Bad Moon Rising" at the local vampire nightclub when you are playing a werewolf is funny only once

426:Ditto "Werewolves of London"

427:Replacing the lightbulbs in the restrooms of the local vampire nightclub with sun lamps is always funny but in extremely poor taste

428:WHen you are playing a vampire yourself it's just sick.

429:No creating any character who requires a trip to the local slave market to purchase field rations.
430:Football/Soccer Hooligan is not an appropriate choice of cover occupation for a spy.

431: I am not to introduce the wizard and his familiar as "Brainiac and the hor'derve"

432: No matter how much better it tastes, I will not dump out the contents of my canteen and replace it with the cleric's stash of Holy Water

434: Ditto for actually replacing the Holy Water with said contents of my canteen

435: Sword-swinging, loin-cloth clad barbarians are not an appropriate character type in a Cyberpunk game

436: Although they are technically legal according to the rules, they are not really appropriate in Traveller either.

437: I am not to refer to the Monster Summoning spell as "Conjure Lunch"
438. Fire is not the answer to everything.
439. Just because it's flammable doesn't mean it should be set on fire.
440. Not allowed to use Defenstration as a legal defense against annoying PCs.
441. Not allowed to torment the local Animal Control officer by shapeshifting into a cat.
442. Not allowed to play frisbee with manhole covers.
443. Not allowed to play American football. At all.
444. Epcot's Figment did not "Sell out his fellow dragons".
445. Not allowed to change any re-enactment of "St. George & the Dragon".
446. Not allowed to call Mr. Fisk "That pudgy lumptard" at parties anymore.
447. Do not taunt the T-1000 to a drinking contest.
448. Not allowed to curl up on Babba Yagga's lap as a cat and demand scritches.
449. Not allowed to get drunk and have philosophical debates with a fern.
450. Not allowed to get the fern drunk either.
451. If your fellow PC is on fire, do not "stomp out the fire" with a washing machine or similar sized object.
452. Not allowed to send hate email to any address ending in "dot gov".
453. Not allowed to pretend I'm "Rambo" with a GAU-8/A Avenger, even if I have the strength to weild it as a personal weapon.
454. S.H.I.E.L.D. does not stand for "Stupid Humans In Expensive Looking Duds".
455. Nick Fury is not to be refered to as "Captain Nicky".
456. I am not now nor ever will be "The Greatest American Hero".
457: The saying "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day / Teach a man to fish and he will eat for life" is not an Ancient Wisdom on my home planet of Arrakis/Tatooine/Athas.

458: Nor is "Fish are friends, not food".
 

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howandwhy99

Adventurer
These are funny. But maybe you mean: "Things a Player Character is not allowed to do"?

Strike that.. These are hilarious! :lol:
 
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genshou

First Post
Wombat said:
...must catch breath...brain dizzy...too much concentrated humour...nose hurts from tea injection...
Well, you wouldn't be the first to almost pass out from asphyxiation while/after reading this *points at self :heh:*
 



Blue_Kryptonite

First Post
It likely came from here. Most of the things on the original list (The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army) are true or have been genuinely discussed by his superior officers in anticipation. :)
 
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Arc

First Post
460: I am not allowed to engage in hour long, in character discussions debating the merits and drawbacks of domesticated vs. wild coconut milk in regards to its use as a tea sweetener
 

demiurge1138

Inventor of Super-Toast
Arc said:
460: I am not allowed to engage in hour long, in character discussions debating the merits and drawbacks of domesticated vs. wild coconut milk in regards to its use as a tea sweetener
That is correct. You're not.

Demiurge out.
 



radferth

First Post
[1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.]

We actually had a fight with three orcs based on the Who. (Not an entirely serious campaign).

[74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"]

I did have a merchant character in Runequest whose battle cry was "Not in the face!"


[271. Tracheotomies are best left to characters with skills in medicine.]

I once played in a champions campaign in which one PC accidentally killed an NPC when two very poor first aid rolls led to a botched, unnecessay tracheotomy.

If only we'd had these rules in play.
 


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